mjt♥

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You should talk to him about it. Be open. I'm sure he'd be more than happy that you feel comfortable confiding in him and that you're upset for a reason that isn't his fault.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" You should talk to him about it. Be open. I'm sure he'd be more than happy that you feel comfortable confiding in him and that you're upset for a reason that isn't his fault."</blockquote>


He knows what all went on, I just don't like to bring it up because they use to be friends.

Just echoing Red Bottom, he probably thinks he's doing something wrong. I'll bet he would be pleased to know it isn't his fault, and happy to comfort you when you need it most.
That's what committed relationships are for.
Hope youre feeling better soon.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Venus Penis Trap.™:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" You should talk to him about it. Be open. I'm ... [snip!] ... his fault."</blockquote> He knows what all went on, I just don't like to bring it up because they use to be friends."</blockquote>




Friends or not, he's your teammate. Let him be your teammate.

I just told my abusive SO last night that I dont want to be with him anymore. He cried all night and said he wants another chance. Hell do anything. Hes called me 4 times today crying. I know I need to stick to my decision but its so hard when hes being so pathetic...in just xant get over the way ive been treated and I think it will affect any relationship I ever have.

<blockquote><b>Quoting *Momlette*:</b>" I just told my abusive SO last night that I dont want to be with him anymore. He cried all night and ... [snip!] ... hes being so pathetic...in just xant get over the way ive been treated and I think it will affect any relationship I ever have."</blockquote>




I wouldn't go back. Hes just trying to get you to take him back.

<blockquote><b>Quoting *Momlette*:</b>" I just told my abusive SO last night that I dont want to be with him anymore. He cried all night and ... [snip!] ... hes being so pathetic...in just xant get over the way ive been treated and I think it will affect any relationship I ever have."</blockquote>




Because you're not doing what he trained you to do. He doesn't know what to do without his puppet. It will effect your future relationships because you'll be a hell of a lot stronger and smarter, a year from now. And you'll have a lot higher standards and you'll regain your sense of self worth. He stole you from yourself. Smurf him.

Thank you. I know its the best choice but its my place and wish it was as easy as me just leaving but hes got nobody out here. No car or money...I don't know whats next. How to kick him out. He says hell go stay in PA with some cousins but he wants to take our son :/

<blockquote><b>Quoting *Momlette*:</b>" Thank you. I know its the best choice but its my place and wish it was as easy as me just leaving but ... [snip!] ... don't know whats next. How to kick him out. He says hell go stay in PA with some cousins but he wants to take our son :/"</blockquote>




Well you are the mom so you automatically have the rights. They'll only take a child away from the mother if they're not fir to parent. Plus he should of thought about having no one down there before he was abusive. It's just karma coming back at him. You have to do what's best for YOU and YOUR SON. GL! ♥

<blockquote><b>Quoting *Momlette*:</b>" Thank you. I know its the best choice but its my place and wish it was as easy as me just leaving but ... [snip!] ... don't know whats next. How to kick him out. He says hell go stay in PA with some cousins but he wants to take our son :/"</blockquote>




He doesn't want to take your son, just as much as you don't want him to. He doesn't want to go be a full time single dad. He's using your son as a weapon. Smurf him again.

You know why he has no one, and no car? Because he burns bridges and he's a lazy smurffy person.

Tell him to leave.

File for custody.

File for child support.

Change your locks.

And stop caring about this man who never gave a smurf about your well being or your sons.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Venus Penis Trap.™:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting *Momlette*:</b>" Thank you. I know its the best choice but its ... [snip!] ... there before he was abusive. It's just karma coming back at him. You have to do what's best for YOU and YOUR SON. GL! ♥"</blockquote>




Not true. If there's no custody papers, each parent has equal rights. She can file for emergency custody on the grounds of domestic violence.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting *Momlette*:</b>" Thank you. I know its the best choice but its ... [snip!] ... child support. Change your locks. And stop caring about this man who never gave a smurf about your well being or your sons."</blockquote>


Couldn't have said it better myself

I used to have moments where something would trigger bad memories from an abusive relationship and i would distance myself from SO.
now I learned to talk to him about it whenever he does or says anything that strikes a bad chord and he reassures me and avoids doing it in the future because he hates making me feel like that. talking about it with your partner is a really good idea or it will keep getting in the way of being happy with him. he probably doesnt realize when he does things to make you feel that way

Quoting Venus Penis Trap.™:" I know SO is nothing like my ex but he can be aggressive, all men can be at times.. At times and it scares me but I know he will never be like him, at all. I wish I could just get over this.."

If you think all men can be aggressive, then maybe the problem is you. Maybe it is how you relate to them. You push their buttons until you get a reaction. Maybe you don't even realize you do it.

I say this because my SO is never aggressive with me. But I have seen this in the relationships of others. Sometimes it is just the guy. Even in my past, some guys were and some weren't. But I have a couple of friends who have experienced this with every guy. Not surprisingly, they have personailities that aggravate the situation. So men that would not be aggressive with some women, are aggressive with them.

I saw a man put it like this once. If you treat a man like an adversary, he will pick up his sword and shield, to protect himself. If you allow yourself to be soft and vulnerable, it will bring out the knight in shining armor side of him. If it doesn't, get rid of him, and find a knight in shining armor.