posted 15th Feb
I was talking to a friend last night, a friend who I've been having issues with for a few months now, and she attempted to call me out for blowing her off during my visit home.
I visited my home state in December for about 2 weeks, during that time her and I weren't talking so we didn't see each other. About a week after I returned home she sent me a text to apologize for everything and shortly after that I went back to my home state for my grandmother's funeral.
She knew I was coming back up because she asked if I was and I told her, but I also told her that I wasn't announcing the trip because I didn't want anyone to think I was up there for another vacation. I was there for the viewings and the funeral, that was it.
The day that I was expected to be in Maryland she began blowing up my phone to hang out, which I ignored because one, I was busy and two, it pissed me off. I explained to her that this wasn't a vacation prior to even leaving for the trip. When I finally told her that I most likely wouldn't be able to hang out she replied back with "not at all?!", which I said something along the lines of probably not and that I was busy. She continued to push, which I ignored. She texted me the following day asking if I wanted to get dinner with her and I told her no because I was emotionally and physically drained, I didn't even feel human at that point and that is when she let up.
Now it's been a month since my grandmother's funeral and she tells me last night that she thinks that I lied about being emotionally drained because I wasn't even that close to my grandmother, and that I was using the funeral and fake emotions as an excuse to not see her.
Well, she's partially right. I wasn't close to my grandmother and I'm not known for being emotional. I'm not big on crying, it's just something that I really don't do. I'm the kind of person who will shed a few tears, wipe them, and tell myself it's time to get my smurf together.
But, during that week, I think I cried the hardest that I ever have in my entire life. This was the burial of my father's mother, my father who committed suicide 4 years ago. My grandmother was laid out in the same funeral home, the same room, and buried tandem with my father. So my father's grave was partly dug up so she could be buried. I spent time with my family, my uncle, who looks almost identical to my father and they share a lot of the same mannerisms. It was hard to spend time in my grandmother's house where there is a smurfing picture of my father in every room. Not to mention everyone talks about him, it was hard to be introduced as my father's daughter during my visit to people who couldn't place who I was.
My son, who is 3, was playing around in my grandmother's room while we were sitting in there and found a box that was from my father's viewings/funeral. It had the guest book and every note that was attached the flowers sent, and of course I sat there and read through everything because I'm a smurfing idiot.
The day of my grandmother's funeral I didn't speak to anyone before the service and I left the cemetery without saying goodbye to anyone. I couldn't even muster up the courage to walk under the tent to sit or place my flower on her casket because it was too close to my dad. I just drove back to my friends, the one I was staying with, ate and laid around for the rest of the day missing the wake because I couldn't bring myself to go back to the house.
Now what pisses me off the most is that never once did this "friend" stop to think about me or ask me how I was. It's all about her. I ignored her, I didn't see her, I blew her off. Oh, you poor thing, that must've been so hard for you.
posted 15th Feb
I'm sorry you had to deal with all of that.
Obviously, she's not really that much of a friend to begin with. There are far better people out there deserving of your time