re: would you be upset?

Quoting Pretty Mama':" This post was pointless, I did feel upset - I can't help that I did, I'm over it though. I'm not a materialistic ... [snip!] ... a materialistic person at all .. asking compleate strangers who don't know me, or my husband etc was pointless. End of thread. "

You may not be able to help how you felt, but you can change how you feel going forward. You have two options that will change it - you either set down & make a list of all the various expectations you have for all these things & give it to him OR you change what you expect. Anything else IS game playing, whether you choose to acknowledge that or not. Expecting him to be "like your dad" isn't fair & expecting that he just knows how you feel about it also isn't fair.

So the list - make one, tell him "On Mother's Day I would like you to do the following & TELL HIM, specifically". Same goes or any other thing where he hasn't met the mark. Tell him it is HOW you feel loved...to be thought of for these days. It is VALID to want to be pampered a little & thought of. IN fact I would highly recommend you read The Five Love Languages and see if he will read it too. It is very likely that your primary love languages may be GIFTS & if so, that IS okay - it really is. It just means that as a couple you both need to understand that & work with it. There is also a book about the 5 love languages of children & that is an awesome read as well.

Your only other option to NOT having disappointment on these days is to expect nothing from him & it doesn't seem to me like that is what will make *you* happy. It works fine for me & many others, but gifts are probably last on my list of what makes me feel loved. That doesn't make me better person or anything, it just means my personality is different. My primary one for sure is verbal & Dh stinks at it - so it is constant work for us. ;)

I get the whole list thing, and did tell him I was hurt. I feel weird telling him specifically what to get me because after being with someone since I was 16 I had just hoped he would know me- and anything he genuinly does I love, again it does not have to be a gift that is purchased- heck I'd feel greatful if he did a load of laundry .. To me it could be anything it really is the thought that counts.. like if all he did was buy or make a card at least to me that meant he took the time to think of me and go out of his way... both of our lives are so busy from late nights at work to by the time he actually gets home it's all about getting the girls to bed and than we are so tired we just go straight to bed.. sometimes it's hard to know if he thinks aout me at all, a small gesture would of been nice - simply all I'm saying.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Tasha Norman:</b>" My family lives in Faribault! I was just there yesterday for Klik Photos Valentines special. have you ever been to them for photos?"</blockquote>




I go there all the time! My daughter is actually the one who has all of the prints up, like the different sizes you can get pictures in  

Quoting Pretty Mama':" I get the whole list thing, and did tell him I was hurt. I feel weird telling him specifically what to ... [snip!] ... to bed.. sometimes it's hard to know if he thinks aout me at all, a small gesture would of been nice - simply all I'm saying. "

Gesture or gift, it doesn't matter what you call it - I am dead serious when I say it is in the book. & give up on the idea of "he should know if we've been together since...." I've been with my Dh 20 years, I still need to help him to understand what I need. He isn't probably ever going to just know & that is just how it is. Telling him is good, making a list he can reference is better for guys. That IS why you hear the "honey-do" list. Make one for how to love you in ways that make you feel loved & the fact that he WILL do the things on the list IS showing you he loves you & wants to make you happy. A few rare men are really good at shmoozing & romancing, the rest need a lot of help & direction. The movies make it out to be a lot more romantic than real life ends up being & men rarely figure out what to do without some clear directions.

I wouldn't say anything or make a big deal off of it because he did apologize. I however would be hurt. Like in my head I'll be "damn dude, not even a card or something? Hand made or from the dollar store."  

Quoting Pretty Mama':" So yesterday was valentines day, and I would not at all consider myself a materialistic person, I've ... [snip!] ... okay, but I was hurt. am I being a baby. I mean it's done and over with but I just want to know if anyone would also feel hurt?"

You're NOT being a baby for wanting him to put even minimal effort in and being upset that he didn't. He should've known better, and it wasn't right of him to completely ignore you. I'm not a materialistic person whatsoever, all I ever want is a card, that's it. Cards are the most important things to me, oddly enough lol