re: Cheaters prosper at the expense of others.

Quoting JohnSilverSmith:" I won't do meds. Not even interested. I have injuries from my deployments that would require vicodin ... [snip!] ... end my submarine career. Most drugs that are prescribed for pain or depression are disqualifying for most military fields."

Ambein isn't a antidepressant it is a sleep aid drug. Most antidepressants aren't addictive at all. As far as disqualifying you to do your job maybe that is a good thing. You don't seem to enjoy it at all and being discharged would allow you to be with your kids more. You might even have a shot at being a constant part of their lives. You said before that you dad was away all the time in the navy so you were never really around him yet you are doing the same thing to your kids. In the end you can't eat your cake and have it too. You are going to have to do something and the situation you are putting your kids isn't healthy. you want to be a good dad then you have to get your smurf straight and put your feelings aside to determine what is going to be best for them. Is living in a hostel environment so you get to see them when ever you want while not deployed worth it? You can still get visitation with them even if you are in the navy. At this point you are simply making excuses so you don't have to take responsibility or action.

Quoting 1inpink2inblue:" Ambein isn't a antidepressant it is a sleep aid drug. Most antidepressants aren't addictive at all. ... [snip!] ... even if you are in the navy. At this point you are simply making excuses so you don't have to take responsibility or action."

I appreciate the "tough love" approach, but you act like I haven't thought this through. I AM there for my kids. The problem with the military is that it doesn't usually set you up for a great job after you leave. It just isn't as simple as you make it sound. I appreciate that you want to give advice, but I have to be able to provide for them and pay alimony. I have a few buddies who got out this past year and they are both still unemployed. I'd LOVE to get out, but I wouldn't have a way of providing for my children. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place with no good answers. It is a matter of choosing between a crappy choice and a smurffy choice. I know that I would have visitation, but when you are 2,000 miles away it makes that hard to do.

Quoting 1inpink2inblue:" Ambein isn't a antidepressant it is a sleep aid drug. Most antidepressants aren't addictive at all. ... [snip!] ... even if you are in the navy. At this point you are simply making excuses so you don't have to take responsibility or action."

If you have some experience with military members transitioning to civilian life, your guidance would be helpful. You can dismiss my comments as excuses, but unless you've been a part of the military culture you wouldn't understand. It is not an easy thing to transition from military to civilian. Especially when you've become institutionalized into the organization. If you have some contacts that would prove helpful, I am very much receptive to any help that you might be able to give. I have been to multiple job fairs and spoken to numerous reps from companies and they just aren't hiring unless you have specific skill sets. I'd be taking a $15,000 a year paycut to get out and that is before I'd have to pay my own medical benefits. I agree that getting out would be the very best thing for my children. I cannot afford to do so. That is why I said that I'm stuck right now. There is one way that my children can get a one time $400,000 pay out and I've already set up that option for them so that my wife cannot get her hands on it. My mother would be the executor and my wife could not touch it. That option seems more and more appealing every day.

Quoting JohnSilverSmith:" If you have some experience with military members transitioning to civilian life, your guidance would ... [snip!] ... on it. My mother would be the executor and my wife could not touch it. That option seems more and more appealing every day."

I actually come from a military family. Both of my grandfathers where in the armed forces and my mother and her sisters were all born on a military base. I also dated quite a few men in the military. Pretty much all of them end up becoming law enforcement officers once they left. I don't know what state you are from but a lot of states have what they call fault laws where you would not be stuck paying alimony to your wife because of the fact that she cheated on you. Also she would not be able to just up and leave with your kids and go 2,000 miles away. She would have to prove moving any distance was in the children's best interest and most states don't see moving the kids that far from their father as in their best interest. I really hope you can figure something out because that is a smurffy position to be in.

Quoting 1inpink2inblue:" I actually come from a military family. Both of my grandfathers where in the armed forces and my mother ... [snip!] ... their father as in their best interest. I really hope you can figure something out because that is a smurffy position to be in."

I'm from Pennsylvania originally, but currently live in Connecticut. The problem is that I might be going to either South Carolina or Georgia after this for orders. Neither state is daddy friendly. Moms have the advantage in both states. Connecticut isn't all that much better. Pennsylvania doesn't count because it has to be the state where proceedings are filed.

Quoting JohnSilverSmith:" I'm from Pennsylvania originally, but currently live in Connecticut. The problem is that I might be going ... [snip!] ... Connecticut isn't all that much better. Pennsylvania doesn't count because it has to be the state where proceedings are filed."

The 2,000 mile thing is state specific. Connecticut kind of enforces that, but not very strongly. Georgia and South Carolina definitely don't.

I don't think anyone else caught it, but if the one time $400,000 is from a insurance policy- you may want to look into the finer details but they usually don't cover self inflicted deaths, just saying.

As for alimony, the others are right, where she commited adultry she most likely wouldn't get a dime for it. And if you want the kids, hire a lawyer and fight for them- maybe you can get the same judge that you had for the batter and adultry trial- sounds like he'd be a good one to have if he's sympathetic to military personel. (And yeah you may not want sympathy or pity, but if you want your kids, you fight for them by any means necessary.)

Quoting Mae9406:" I don't think anyone else caught it, but if the one time $400,000 is from a insurance policy- you may ... [snip!] ... personel. (And yeah you may not want sympathy or pity, but if you want your kids, you fight for them by any means necessary.)"

In my line of work, I don't need it to be self inflicted. I just need to travel to a war zone. I've already lost a few friends. The type of orders we've been getting in support roles end up being front line combat. Self inflicted wouldn't be necessary. I lost a buddy in Djibouti and two in Afghanistan. That's just Navy. I lost two Marine buddies in Afghanistan as well.

That's awful! They'd really send you back to war in your state of mind  . I wouldn't do it, she's not worth it. I know she may feel like she is, but they really aren't... Your kids need you.

Quoting Mae9406:" That's awful! They'd really send you back to war in your state of mind  . I wouldn't do it, she's not worth it. I know she may feel like she is, but they really aren't... Your kids need you."

You just reach a point..........where you can't take it anymore. I love my kids. I'm tired of being in pain. The only part of my life that doesn't suck right now......is them. Everything else does. At least I had my job before, but after the summons was served.....that changed EVERYTHING. Life at work sucks now too, and it wasn't great to begin with. When life at home and work sucks, its hard to want to continue on.

Trust me when I say I get it. I still have moments where I just wish it'd end. That life is just full of to much heartache, but I realized 2 things that keep me from going through with it. One is that I now know if anything happens to me, my girls would have a horrible life, and I just can't have that... and two is that the risk of your child doing the same thing increases by 50% if one of their parents dies- and I couldn't/can't handle the idea of one or both of ny girls no longer living. :/

Idk whether that's enough for you to keep fighting through those feelings and pain, but it is for me. That's saying a lot too considering I had to give up my dream job, home, hobbies, freedom, local friends, and the general life my daughter and I knew all because of something HE choose to do and than refused to even at the least leave to go live with her so I could keep our children at least in the same home. But nope. Couldn't even get his controlling ass to do that... Point is: If I can do it, so can you.   Just keep holding on!

Quoting Mae9406:" Trust me when I say I get it. I still have moments where I just wish it'd end. That life is just full ... [snip!] ... But nope. Couldn't even get his controlling ass to do that... Point is: If I can do it, so can you.   Just keep holding on!"

Thank you for the words of encouragement. They are the only thing that has held me together this long. Otherwise, things would have gone MUCH differently from the get go. I doubt that I would be here right now.