Separated mom-Need advice.

Hello. I'm new here and need some advice!
I am separated from my husband and we have 2 boys (7 & 1 1/2).
This is long.... I have been with my husband since 2001, but we've been married since 2008. I first moved in w/ him in 2007 and have moved back in with my parents just about every year since then.
While I love him, I have had a hard time dealing with his personality. He's very blunt about things and disregards peoples feelings, likes things to be his way, and has some anger issues (punches walls, breaks things, yells when angry). He's also got issues because his dad made him believe that his mom was always out w/ other men, so he can be pretty jealous. I have few friends who are males anymore because of this. He has had friendships with female coworkers and I've got no problem with that.
So, we finally separated again last year in June and I lived with the kids and my parents until Xmas. I just felt like I couldn't take anymore of the arguing,etc. So around Xmas time I thought I have to give this one last try so I know I gave it my all (stupid I know) and moved back in with him because he wanted us back and wanted things to be different. Everything was great at Xmas, and then as soon as it was over, everything went to smurf. I came home one night from my sister in laws house and he had been drinking while having the kids and told me to take my stuff and get out the next day, for no reason, then went and slammed the doors and locked me out of the bedroom, and punched a hole in the wall. So I left the next day and told him I wanted a divorce.
So this is where I need some advice. He has been VERY depressed to the point of being almost suididal and has threatened it. He is soooo sorry now and is getting into anger management and wants counseling, and wants me to go to counseling also. He doesn't want a divorce and says he'll do antyhing to get me back and he loves me, etc. I feel like I want to be done w/ this marriage, but am very afraid if I tell him this it will push him over the edge. I did tell him to just worry about himself and get himself into counseling, but he is dwelling on losing me and cries about all the time and calls constantly. His family tells him this isn't anything that can't be fixed!! My family is done with him and wants nothing to do with him. I do feel a little confused as to what to do still but I don't know why, because I feel in my heart I am doing the best thing for myself and the kids by not being with him anymore.
Any advice would really help and thanks for listening to my super screwed up situation  

I have no idea what to tell you. Maybe try the counseling with him and when you go tell the counselor how your feeling to help get it out there but not completely devastate him?

I would probably agree to go to counseling with him, but make sure it's known, you are going to support him as the mother of his children, and his friend. If nothing else counseling could help you guys cope with co parenting/dealing with each other.

I think this is a case of trying to change a little to late. ( On his part). It's awesome for him and your two children, and you should commend him for that. But if you know you are done, and going back to him will do more damage than help, you already know what you have to do, if for nothing else, for your own sanity.

Quoting Vile Tramp:" I would probably agree to go to counseling with him, but make sure it's known, you are going to support ... [snip!] ... back to him will do more damage than help, you already know what you have to do, if for nothing else, for your own sanity."

I agree with this 100%. Go to counseling for resolution, but don't go back into the relationship if you don't feel that it is right for you.

Thanks for the advice. I was thinking I should probably go to through w/ going to the counseling too. Hopefully the counselor would be able to help him deal with things. The main thing I want is for him to be ok for the kids!

Those are typical "abuser" things to do. They tell you everything you want to hear (I'll go to counseling, I'll change, etc) just so you won't leave them. They turn their issues around on you, (If I can't have you, I might as well kill myself) and make it seem like it's your fault. Have you ever seen a power and control wheel?

Quoting skwey:" Those are typical "abuser" things to do. They tell you everything you want to hear (I'll go to counseling, ... [snip!] ... have you, I might as well kill myself) and make it seem like it's your fault. Have you ever seen a power and control wheel?"

THIS! As soon as my ex realized it wouldn't work he quit doing it.

This is a safe place to ask questions and work through the thoughts and feelings that you have been experiencing this past year. I know that you want to have a strong new start and for that reason I would strongly encourage you to process all of this with a therapist. In the meantime, the book “Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them: Breaking the Cycle of Physical and Emotional Abuse.” By Ted Hengstrom offers a lot of insight about what you’re going through. It deals with the problems and the lies we tend to believe as human beings. We are here to put an arm around you and help in any way possible during this difficult time. Please let us know how are you doing?