SO only parents when it is convenient for him...VENT!!

I am sitting up at almost one in the morning. My daughter is sick with a cold and wakes up when her nose needs to be unblocked and my SO is upstairs playing video games on his computer. I feel like he only parents her when she isn't sleepy or fussy. I have done all of the nighttime parenting since day one. I tried to get him to put her down for bed last night and he couldn't even last doing that. He gave up and yelled at me to show him how I do it. He uses my breastfeeding as an excuse to not help out with the nighttime parenting but DD is starting to night wean herself and wakes up and just wants he be rocked back to sleep. It all falls on me. His excuse is that his brothers never got up with their children until they were over a year old. I don't know what I am going to do about this. I always wanted more children in the future but the way he is acting with our DD I will never, ever have another child with him because I know I will be doing the same thing with him not helping out when it gets hard!

How old is she? DH was like this at 1st. when DD got bigger he started doing more with her. i think he just needed to get more comfortable and her not be so tiny she scares him. now he's the one who puts her to bed. though last wk i was the one getting up with DD in the morning (DH has been out of work but was also sick last wk). we usually swap out mornings in the times he's looking for work. but last wk he wouldn't get up all wk, though i was sick too. you know how man colds go. i got up feeling like hammer smurf but he stayed in bed dying.

My oldest son's father was like that. I used to call him "9 to 5" cause that's what it felt like. He was a 9-5 dad and really didn't do much when he was around. The day he went out and bought 5k on rims instead of buying his son a $20 toy that he absolutely loved but his broke was the final straw for me.
Gotta lay down the ground rules or nothing will ever change.

I was also going to ask how old she is, because like the previous poster my husband was like this for a long time with DS. I had no help whatsoever for the first probably 6 months, then slowly and slowly DH got better. He even admitted that he knew he wasn't doing his part, but he just couldn't handle it when DS was that young and still fussed alot. Part of it was that when they are that little they get a lot of comfort from mommy, but also DS was so used to me doing everything that when daddy tried he wouldn't have it. Anyway, DS is 17 months now and my husband is great about helping. Always lets me sleep in on his days off, changes diapers throughout the day, feeds him, etc. I am hoping he will be a huge help with DS when the new baby comes. I know it's not fair for you to have to do most of the work right now, but have hope because it gets better. I think it takes a long time for men to really become a daddy. For mommys it's almost instantaneous, it's like built into our brains lol i think it just takes them longer to get into the swing of it.

Quoting Mommy2Aiden+1:" I was also going to ask how old she is, because like the previous poster my husband was like this for ... [snip!] ... it's almost instantaneous, it's like built into our brains lol i think it just takes them longer to get into the swing of it."

 ALL of this! DH started helping out more when he figured out he could swaddle better than me. then he took pride in that and started doing more so he could prove he could do it too.

She is 11 months old.

I would choke him...

I breast fed my last till he was 11 months, and he always woke up with the baby...
My husbands big into video games when we had our 1st it became a rule, he only played when baby was asleep, if she woke up, the system went off and he was either changing her while I pumped or calming her down...
I would hide his games or whateer till he started helping out...if my husbad didn't *want* to help me with his baby, he could gets ta steppin..I was single mom before, I refuse to feel single when I'm tired and messing with my kids and still having to wash his smurf and cook him food   .

Quoting DeanJade&Maksims Momma:" I would choke him... I breast fed my last till he was 11 months, and he always woke up with the baby... ... [snip!] ... I refuse to feel single when I'm tired and messing with my kids and still having to wash his smurf and cook him food   ."

Well he won't stop playing the game because it's online and "he will lose points and it will affect his ranking" even when she is crying around him. I have to go and grab her because he is so focused on that damn game.

Quoting I am the STIG!:" Well he won't stop playing the game because it's online and "he will lose points and it will affect his ... [snip!] ... affect his ranking" even when she is crying around him. I have to go and grab her because he is so focused on that damn game."

That's when I would cut the wires.

Quoting CottonCandyKiller:"  ALL of this! DH started helping out more when he figured out he could swaddle better than me. then he took pride in that and started doing more so he could prove he could do it too. "

that's so funny, DH totally took pride in that too. He would tell everyone he was so good at it. lol he called it the burrito

Quoting Mommy2Aiden+1:" that's so funny, DH totally took pride in that too. He would tell everyone he was so good at it. lol he called it the burrito"

yup! we called it that. now its a "rito" haha. he still does it at 8 months old.

Quoting CottonCandyKiller:" yup! we called it that. now its a "rito" haha. he still does it at 8 months old."

DS was swaddled for quite awhile. Like 6 months i think. he's 17 months and in a toddler bed now lol

Quoting Mommy2Aiden+1:" DS was swaddled for quite awhile. Like 6 months i think. he's 17 months and in a toddler bed now lol"

well, he only does it on the nights when we're having trouble with her sleeping. either fighting it or waking up several times. she's still in her pack'n'play in our room

We just got into another argument. He just got done playing the game and when I told him he could unblock her nose when she woke up he wanted us to work together as a team but I have been up with her for the past 4 hours by myself. I told him if I could unblock her nose by myself he could too. He called me worthless and slapped the nose syringe out of my hand when I tried to hand it to him.

Quoting I am the STIG!:" We just got into another argument. He just got done playing the game and when I told him he could unblock ... [snip!] ... nose by myself he could too. He called me worthless and slapped the nose syringe out of my hand when I tried to hand it to him."

DH does stuff like that (trying to get me to help him do stuff I have to do myself) but he'd get smacked upside the head if he knocked something out of my hand like that. he'd hear about it from me and MIL (we live with her)