absentee dad now wants son

My son's dad moved across the country from Tx to Oh last November when our son had just turned 2. Our custody arrangement is not for long distance, he didn't try to update it before he left, and he didn't seek approval to move either. In the 15 months he's been gone he has called approximately 15 times (some months go by with no contact) and skyped with my son twice in the past 3 months. My son knows who he is and that he is dad, however, started calling his sister's father (SO) dad this year. He doesn't Really know who his bio dad is and I don't think he really remembers him or knew him well enough to miss him. He's shy when he talks to his bio dad (all of 5 minutes) which is completely uncharacteristic of him.

Currently his bio dad wants to come down to get DS and bring him up to OH for a period of weeks because "his family deserves to see him". Naturally I don't really agree and I worry that it would be traumatic for him to be taken away by this man he doesn't really know up to a foreign area with nobody he has ever met. I know I don't have to let him take him until the parenting plan is fixed, however I also believe that his bio dad will never have the money or time to take us to court to fix it. He hasn't paid support since he left and has resided at 3 different addresses with at least 3 different phone numbers. I have never tried to keep my ex away from his son, I had to beg him to spend time with him when he only lived across the street! But with the distance he has created and the lack of effort he has shown I really don't want to continue to try to encourage a relationship anymore.
I know this was a lot to read, but do you think you'd feel the same way? Or am I in the wrong.
(additionally I'm not sure if he EVER will come to see his son...as he intended to come in May...September...and December, but I worry it will happen someday)

He should come to you guys for a few weekends and stay in a motel and see him before taking him away.

I would smurf myself if a random person came and took me from my family for awhile, regardless if they were biologically related to me. Even more so if I was a child and couldn't understand.

Be careful about letting him take him out of the state. If there is no court ordered arrangement there is no reason for him to bring him back to you and he can keep him until you take him to court.

I wouldn't allow him to take DS. He would have to build the relationship first.

Quoting ~mama~:" Be careful about letting him take him out of the state. If there is no court ordered arrangement there is no reason for him to bring him back to you and he can keep him until you take him to court."

We took care of it in mediation, we have a notarized agreement, but it's not specified for long distance. It is the standard every other weekend agreement. And I don't trust that he would be able to bring him back when he is supposed to return. The worst part is he voluntarily left because his dad wanted his help and "you can't say no to family". His dad is a grown-ass man, his son was helpless.

Hell no. I would have a hard time letting DH take DD out of the state without me and we are married. She would NEVER go with someone she barely knew even if they were related to her.

I'm glad it doesn't seem that my emotions are clouding my judgement. When I think about it I'm just so angry. He left with another girl and her child and supported them completely for months (she didn't work or receive support) while he ignored DS. Then he plasters his facebook with the pictures I send him of our son and whines about how much he misses him and he wants to see him. Just to show him off and have other people think he helped to create what an amazing child my son is. He's onto a new woman now and every status is about her but it really burned my biscuits the other night when he wrote, "Time is the greatest gift you can give someone, it's like you're giving them a piece of yourself you'll never get back" about their lovey-dovey thing. Yet DS gets 0% of his time : (

He can always change his mind though.. I don't know, when my husband and I split up for a little while I never let him have the kids over night, he lived in Nevada and I was in California. We already decided that I could have custody as long as he could see them but I was afraid that he would change his mind and just not bring them back so I took them to see him every once in a while but stayed with them the entire time. When we got back together he told me that I was crazy to think that he would take them from me but I would hate to even risk it...

Not a chance I'd let him come and take him. I think it would be pretty tramatic to be surrounded by people he didnt know without you there for a long period of time. He definitely needs to work up to that!

Hell no I wouldnt let him take my son. Fathers are the men who are there for you not just the person that happen to have a lucky sperm. And like another mama said I would be freaked out as an adult if that happened let alone being a child.