marriage troubles.

Hi. I am familar with this site but only recently joined to get some advice about some issues I am having. i'll try to make this as short as possible. my husband and i have only been married for about a year and a half. we have a 9 month old daughter who is the first child for us both. he is 24 and i am 21. we are young, i know, but we get by and do the best we can. we have our own home, cars, and jobs. we are also both in school. he is a great dad to our baby girl and he is a good husband. but we cannot get along. we haven't gotten along well over the past year. it's gotten so bad that we constantly argue, it's an everyday thing. alot of it is my fsult because i have serious trust issues, though he has given me plenty of reasons not to trust him. he is the biggest, and worst liar that i have ever met. i have absolutely no trust in him whatsoever. he's the time of person who wants to push everything to the side and forget sbout it. he don't want to talk about anything or work anything out because he don't want to deal with it. he doesn't even want to admit or recognize that there is a problem in our marriage. i've went to counseling before myself, and i've offered marriage counseling to him several times but he refuses. maybe it is me, maybe i've just fallen out of love with him or don't feel the same about him anymore. there has just been so many lies and hurt and i just feel like it's pushed me away. is it normal for me to feel this way? i'm in no way blaming him for this, but i am so unhappy. i just don't know what to do. i know alot of the problem is that we rushed into getting married and both being so young. there was alot of pressure from family to get married because i was pregnant so it was a rushed thing and now i just feel stuck. how do you work something out that only myself sees as an issue? what do i do if i'm the only one unhappy?
do i stay and just deal with it so no one else gets hurt or disappointed? or do i leave? how do you walk away from your marriage and your husband? i'm so confused and so miserable in this relationship. i worry about my daughter having to grow up with divorced parents. i don't want it to be hard on her even though she's so young right now. this is a toxic relationship, it's unhealthy, and i don't know what to do? has anyone else ever been in a similar situation? any advice or opinions? thank u so much. i can use all the advice i can get.

my husband knows all of this. he knows how i feel. but everytime separating is mentioned, he says he thinks about hurting himself if we separate and it makes me feel very bad and guilty...  

sorry if anything isn't spelled correctly. i was trying to type fast. so much on my mind.

Here is the thing, either you can forgive and move forward or you can't. If you are going to constantly second guess everything he does because of the past, you don't have a future. He also needs to be making an effort. A relationship isn't 50/50 it is 100/100. You both have to give 100% to the relationship.

My husband and I went to marriage counseling a few times. It really had helped us. Hopefully he is open. You should go on your own as well to figure out how to let the past go.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Not tellin:</b>" Here is the thing, either you can forgive and move forward or you can't. If you are going to constantly ... [snip!] ... times. It really had helped us. Hopefully he is open. You should go on your own as well to figure out how to let the past go."</blockquote>




i agree 100%.
i've asked him to go with me to marriage counseling, but he refuses.

Quoting .Melinda.:" Hi. I am familar with this site but only recently joined to get some advice about some issues I am having. ... [snip!] ... separating is mentioned, he says he thinks about hurting himself if we separate and it makes me feel very bad and guilty...  "

wow. went thru the saaammmeee thing with my ex! same friggin thing lol
i tried...we seperated for a few months...tried again...things got even worse so that was it for me! no support from anyone!
he had issues with pills and spent alot of money on pot/pills and turned violent, starts out arguing then throwing stuff at me, etc
i met my now fiance during our first seperation and couldnt be happier!
i have 2kids...my first isnt my ex's but we had a son together and like you pressured to be married. bad idea!
i tried and it doesnt work when its just one person doing the workk!
i know exactly how you feel. i stayed for my kids, but what example was i setting for my daughter? be treated like crap by a man? hell no.. and my son, what am i showing him? treating woman like garbage and property is ok? no! so i finally left.
it was a nightmare before we got custody papers. a friggin nightmare!!
but things are so much better! kids see a loving relationship now, they see their dad every other weekend now and it gives me a "break" so its worked out for the best for me.
how long do you want to be unhappy? how hard are you willing to make your marriage work? is this the kind of relationship you want your little one to immitate?
ask yourself those questions.

You say your relationship is stressful, but I don’t know what kind of help you have received so far. Most relationships improve with guidance from a marriage therapist. If your husband, refuses to go, go yourself! You might amazed at the insights and new coping skills you can learn, In addition, a good perspective can be gained from books. I started the book, the 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman, and has helped me a great deal. I recommend this book to all my friends and family. A must read.