re: large age gap

So the concensus (sp) is king of split, huh? I won't be done school for another 2 years. J will be turning 7 when that happens. Meanwhile, I can't see myself with SO for another 2 years, then long enough to have another kid. It could be a while and I'm so nervous that I almost want to just have a kid NOW to avoid it. (although I know that is stupid and that it's not the right time in any way)

My brother and I are 11 years apart.
He was very excited when my mum was pregnant and to help out with me.
Due to interesting circumstances he moved out at 16 so we weren't really close but from the little that I remember he always let me hang out with him and his friends and I adored him. I copied everything he did lol.

Now I really look up to him and he is what I think a man should be.

If only I remembered that when picking guys maybe I could avoid all the smurfs.

Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:" So the concensus (sp) is king of split, huh? I won't be done school for another 2 years. J will be turning ... [snip!] ... I almost want to just have a kid NOW to avoid it. (although I know that is stupid and that it's not the right time in any way)"

if the timing is right, go for it.


For me, it was more of convincing my husband that 3 was the right number for us. he only wanted 2. It took me 2 years to convince him. Otherwise, there would be 3 1/2 years between my youngest and this one too.

Quoting Devil Duckie:" if the timing is right, go for it. For me, it was more of convincing my husband that 3 was the right ... [snip!] ... only wanted 2. It took me 2 years to convince him. Otherwise, there would be 3 1/2 years between my youngest and this one too. "

No, the timings not right. My relationship is not right. Our finances are not right. SO doesn't even want any more kids at all, and I'm not sure I want them with him. The only reason it's crossing my mind is so that J will have a sibling and maybe they can enjoy each other.

Not kids. My brother and I though, were ten years apart. It sucked. Sort of the reason why I want to have my kids close at age. My daughter however, is three already and I still don't feel ready for another one. It's a bummer!

Well, I know I don't have a 6yr gap, BUT I do have a 5yr old and a 2 month old, so I think that's a pretty big age gap lol.

No I don't regret it, my oldest LOVES being a big sister, she loves her little sister, when we are out and about she's all "look at my sister, her name is Ruby" and every single morning she comes in and gives her a big good morning kiss, and hug, she's such a caring sister, though I do think right at the start my oldest did get jealous when daddy and grandpa showed love to my newest, not anymore though, and I love the age gap, it's perfect!

Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:" No, the timings not right. My relationship is not right. Our finances are not right. SO doesn't even ... [snip!] ... want them with him. The only reason it's crossing my mind is so that J will have a sibling and maybe they can enjoy each other."

well, then maybe not. being an only child sucks, but being a child where things aren't right is even worse.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:</b>" No, the timings not right. My relationship is not right. Our finances are not right. SO doesn't even ... [snip!] ... want them with him. The only reason it's crossing my mind is so that J will have a sibling and maybe they can enjoy each other."</blockquote>




Don't feel pressure to TTC. you already know the answer to this question, you've said it yourself right there. It's just not the right time, or the right guy. There's never any guarantee that siblings will be close, no matter what the age. I always wanted a younger sibling growing up, but I'm so so thankful they didn't bring another baby into an unhappy marriage for my sake. If the day comes that you feel ready and you're no longer with your SO, there are still plenty of ways to become a parent as a single woman. This is not a case of 'now or never' and there's nothing wrong with taking the time to be sure you're really ready. Your kids will still be siblings no matter how far apart they are.

Quoting SophieKay:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:</b>" No, the timings not right. My relationship ... [snip!] ... wrong with taking the time to be sure you're really ready. Your kids will still be siblings no matter how far apart they are."

Than you. This eases my mind a bit.

My oldest is a boy and right now my youngest is a girl. They are 2 1/2 years apart. I am due in June with my 3rd baby so then my oldest will be 6 1/2 years older then his baby brother, then my daughter will be 4 years and 1 month older then her baby brother. My son loves helping out with his little sister. When we first brought her home, he loved to bother her, and always wanted to hold her. Would always grab me the diapers and wipes when it came to changing and he loved to hold her bottle. So when their little baby brother comes into this world, they will be hands on with helping me out. they are both excited about it. They know they are gonna have a brother and is already helping me out around the house, and getting things ready for the baby.

Don't worry sweetie. Don't rush it just because u don't want a big age gap. It does sound like most of the issues are from bad parenting jot the age gap specifically. Good luck  

My brother and I are 5 years apart and we were VERY close until I was 10 and he was 15 due to family issues. We are close again now. My mother said it was the perfect gap but he moved out when I was 12 so I was an only child during my teen years which SUCKED.

If you're only planning on 2 kids, I would want them closer together. If you want more than 2 than the age gap probably won't make a difference IMO.

Our #1 and #2 are almost 7 years apart. We didn't choose them to be that far apart, just the way life worked out. They have nothing in common, but they love each other!!! They're 15yo & 8yo now, she helps him with homework, will kick the soccer ball around with him...but most of the time he's just a pesky little brother!

If we are successful at TTC, DS will be 6 when he becomes a big brother, which is a bigger age gap than I ever wanted but I don't want to take a maternity leave in the middle of the school year (I'm a Pre-K teacher) so we need to wait till at least May to TTC. He is asking all the time when his little brother or sister is coming. (most of his friends at school have baby brothers or sisters) He tells me all the time how much he wants to help. I have a sister who is 21 years older than me, a brother who is 19 years older, and a twin sister. I hate my oldest sister. Yes, hate. I love my brother, we have always been really close, he was really excited to be a big brother, and moved away right before we were born but has always been a big part of my life. I'm super close with my twin but fought the most with her   She also never really liked have siblings that were so much older. She does now, but definitely not until she was about 17. I think it's all in the child's personality, really.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:</b>" May I ask why?"</blockquote>




First I wat to say I love my little brother and my mom. But! She didn't have as much time for me and I needed her after my brother was born. It completely changed everything in our family and at the time it seemed like he was more important. She tried her best to spend time with me but my little brother was always there. Going shopping used to be fun. But once he was born it was just annoying. He always needed a diaper change, to eat, or he was sleepy so we had to leave. It took the fun out of everything even though she tried. Now she doesn't have time for my kids because she has an 8 year old.

Selfish? Yea. But its how I felt/feel.