re: DH went through my phone??

So even though you guys have an agreement you just jump to the conclusion he was looking to blame you for something? I think there's more than just an issue with him. Sounds like you have a load of respect for him if you automatically expect the worst. Hell my husband and I have EVERY password for each others stuff and randomly go through things like phones, facebook, emails, just because we're bored. I'm inclined to think you feel guilty over SOMETHING somewhere and that's why you're freaking out over something, almost like he will find something to be mad about.

<blockquote><b>Quoting I'm His Amy He's My Rory:</b>" So even though you guys have an agreement you just jump to the conclusion he was looking to blame you ... [snip!] ... SOMETHING somewhere and that's why you're freaking out over something, almost like he will find something to be mad about. "</blockquote>




Sorry my first post wasn't very clear but page two explains the situation a lot better.

Quoting Addi's Momma:" That is a legitimate reason and request. A lot of people like to relax when they get home from work ... [snip!] ... plan nights out with friends. I would be irritated too if I worked all freaking day and had to come home to people in my house."

Dude, I don't even work and I get irritated when we have people over usually. Company needs to be a mutually agreed thing unless they will be gone before the other person in home. It's just common courtesy.

Quoting Sneakthief:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Addi's Momma:</b>" That is a legitimate reason and request. ... [snip!] ... anyway. I asked directly two more times and he lied to my face and said it was fine, then picked a fight about it the next day."

Probably didn't want to be the bad guy.

<blockquote><b>Quoting I'm His Amy He's My Rory:</b>" Dude, I don't even work and I get irritated when we have people over usually. Company needs to be a ... [snip!] ... needs to be a mutually agreed thing unless they will be gone before the other person in home. It's just common courtesy. "</blockquote>



And that was my fault, I should have texted and asked but we have friends drop in all the time and it's never been an issue before. Our house is the hangout spot. I assumed it would be fine. I should have checked in first, but he also should have been honest with me about it when I asked him.

Quoting Sneakthief:" <blockquote><b>Quoting I'm His Amy He's My Rory:</b>" So even though you guys have ... [snip!] ... be mad about. "</blockquote> Sorry my first post wasn't very clear but page two explains the situation a lot better."

I have read it, and my statement still stands. I think it's crappy that just because you guys have been having "issues" you jump to the assumption he's up to no good. "OH MY GOD HE'S TRYING TO FIND A REASON TO BE MAD AT ME!" wah wah. Seriously. I get irritable when my husband takes my phone but only because I like to know what he's doing to it. He's a tech geek so I like to know if he's changing stuff. I couldn't care less if he reads or looks through stuff, even if it's bitching about him. And I read his crap when I get bored. Hell half the time when he's filling up with gas I'll start reading his texts with our friends. He's a boring dude that's for sure lol

Quoting Sneakthief:" <blockquote><b>Quoting I'm His Amy He's My Rory:</b>" Dude, I don't even work and ... [snip!] ... it would be fine. I should have checked in first, but he also should have been honest with me about it when I asked him."

I would have said the same thing as him and just went to bed or whatever too. I'm not going to be the dick and tell someone to leave that my spouse has over. Just because they're inconsiderate doesn't mean I'm going to be. If he avoided a fight it sure doesn't seem to me like he's "looking for reasons to be mad at you".

<blockquote><b>Quoting I'm His Amy He's My Rory:</b>" I would have said the same thing as him and just went to bed or whatever too. I'm not going to be the ... [snip!] ... mean I'm going to be. If he avoided a fight it sure doesn't seem to me like he's "looking for reasons to be mad at you"."</blockquote>


He did avoid the fight that night, but started it the next morning. It's just lots of little things, senseless arguments about little stuff or things that were taken poorly or misunderstood. I wasn't the one to say he was looking for reasons to be mad at me, he was. But it still hasn't stopped. It's gotten better, in the aspect that he's aware of it now, so I find myself just refusing to fight with him about the stupid stuff, taking a step back and pointing out what he's saying to me and ask if I'm misunderstanding. He's been saying "okay, no, I didn't actually mean that. I don't know what I meant. I'm going to go cool off and put my head back on straight."

Personally, I hate it when I come home after work and there are people in my house....regardless as to whether or not they are my friends.

<blockquote><b>Quoting speaktruth2powr:</b>" Personally, I hate it when I come home after work and there are people in my house....regardless as to whether or not they are my friends."</blockquote>


It's definitely understandable. We're a little different because he usually encourages me to have a mutual friend over when he closes so I'm not home alone with no car and no one to talk to with two kiddos. I should have texted though. I honestly thought I had but I hadn't and it made me feel like a dick.

Quoting Sneakthief:" <blockquote><b>Quoting LEGENDARY JAS ♥:</b>" Maybe he lied because he was tired ... [snip!] ... what's actually going on. He's even admitted he knows he's just looking for something to fight about but doesn't know why."

sweetie... it is NOT "little smurf" to him -- it's obviously really bothering him. you're not helping by belittling his feelings and making him out to be this crazy weirdo. Such a crazy suggestion... but... try talking to HIM about this

<blockquote><b>Quoting shes*almost*one!:</b>" sweetie... it is NOT "little smurf" to him -- it's obviously really bothering him. you're not helping ... [snip!] ... his feelings and making him out to be this crazy weirdo. Such a crazy suggestion... but... try talking to HIM about this"</blockquote>




I'm not the one just deciding that the things that we're arguing about are little things. When I try to talk to him about something he got upset over HE says he wasn't actually upset about that, he's just irritable and looking for something to fight about. I'm not belittling his feelings or annoyances or anything, whenever I try to address it HE belittles it, and then gets upset and pulls out the "I'm just a raging smurf I guess" card when I'm actually trying to figure out what hes upset and address it and I don't treat him like that. He's been doing this for over a month, really bad the last couple of weeks. That's why I'm so frustrated. I'm being treated like I'm mean or ugly to him, like I treat him like a piece of smurf and talk down to him, when I'm just trying to figure out what's going on with him and how I can help him get through whatever he's going through.

Quoting Sneakthief:" <blockquote><b>Quoting shes*almost*one!:</b>" sweetie... it is NOT "little smurf" ... [snip!] ... when I'm just trying to figure out what's going on with him and how I can help him get through whatever he's going through."

sounds like a great relationship.... ugh.

maybe you guys can BOTH grow up and talk to eachother like adults.

<blockquote><b>Quoting shes*almost*one!:</b>" sounds like a great relationship.... ugh. maybe you guys can BOTH grow up and talk to eachother like adults. "</blockquote>


You know, you're being really judgemental without actually pointing out anything that would actually be a constructive way to work on things. This was partially a rant and partially looking for advice. I mean, this isn't normal for us, we have a great relationship. He's going through a lot of stress right now trying to get accustomed to working with dead people who've had their face sliced down to their damn skull. We're planning on going to couple's counseling and he's also working on finding someone to talk to about the things he faces at work. It's hard on anyone, especially someone who's 20 years old to see the blunt fact of mortality and the fragility of life on a daily basis. We're having a rough time right now but we love and respect each other, which is why the -very recent- problems have been so difficult for both of us. I choose to talk about what's going on between us online instead of venting to my friends (all my friends are -our- mutual friends) because I respect him and I think our quarrels shouldn't be aired in front of our friends.

I'm more than willing to take any constructive criticism you or anyone else may have, but just trashing our relationship isn't very helpful.