re: DH went through my phone??

<blockquote><b>Quoting κατι:</b>" This situation sound's like a immature teen fight,Not a married couple. Hope you both work on it."</blockquote>


I know! This is what's driving me crazy. We're not like this, we talk about what's going on and work things out. Now all of a sudden he's acting jealous, picking fights, refusing to talk about anything, an now going through my phone looking for more things to argue about?? Like we don't have enough legitimate smurf to deal wit right now. This isn't how we have ever handled things and its freaking me out.

"I mean, we both have permission to go through each others messages and stuff.."

So what's the problem?

Quoting Sneakthief:" <blockquote><b>Quoting κατι:</b>" This situation sound's like a ... [snip!] ... we don't have enough legitimate smurf to deal wit right now. This isn't how we have ever handled things and its freaking me out."

I would wait for the kids to go to sleep and have a long serious talk with him.

<blockquote><b>Quoting ×ø×K·ßear×ø×:</b>" i could see if there wasnt any type of agreement/permission involved about going through one anothers ... [snip!] ... dont want him going through it? yes its annoying he should think he has to but eh i wouldnt make a big deal out of it to him"</blockquote>




I'm not mad about it, it's not a big deal, it's just a little disappointment on top of a whole lot of other things right now. I'm disappointed, I guess. Like he's trying to spin the issues we've been having lately around on me again and that just means he's not ready to fix whatever is REALLY going on.

I really don't understand this, and a lot of girls on here have been posting it lately. How is it snooping either way?! If you have something to hide, then that is the only reason you would care. My DH and I both have our phones, emails, and anything else completely open to each other. We both always have the same passwords too. I don't see the point in being concerned about them "going through stuff." I don't go through my husband's stuff to "catch" him in anything. I just don't get the whole "It's my privacy" nonsense. There is no privacy in a relationship IMO. Nothing to hide.  

Quoting Sneakthief:" Throw this on top of picking a fight over his -gay- friend coming over to play magic with me the other ... [snip!] ... by the way, not like it was midnight) and I would like to have a conversation that doesn't revolve around crayons or toast."

That is a legitimate reason and request. A lot of people like to relax when they get home from work and don't want to immediately entertain people. If you want adult interaction find a play group or plan nights out with friends. I would be irritated too if I worked all freaking day and had to come home to people in my house.

Quoting Addi's Momma:" That is a legitimate reason and request. A lot of people like to relax when they get home from work ... [snip!] ... play nights out with friends. I would be irritated too if I worked all freaking day and had to come home to people in my house."

 

<blockquote><b>Quoting Addi's Momma:</b>" That is a legitimate reason and request. A lot of people like to relax when they get home from work ... [snip!] ... play nights out with friends. I would be irritated too if I worked all freaking day and had to come home to people in my house."</blockquote>




Yes, it's a legitimate request. The problem arose when I didn't realize it would bother him, and when I asked him in private if he wanted to spend time with just us, Clint could go home, no big deal, he lied and said it was okay, he was going to bed because he was tired anyway. I asked directly two more times and he lied to my face and said it was fine, then picked a fight about it the next day.

Quoting Sneakthief:" Throw this on top of picking a fight over his -gay- friend coming over to play magic with me the other ... [snip!] ... by the way, not like it was midnight) and I would like to have a conversation that doesn't revolve around crayons or toast."

whether of not you think it's "okay" to have his friends over, regardless of their sexual orientation, he is uncomfortable with it. give the man a little respect.

you clearly state he HAS PERMISSION to look at your phone... you didnt say he needed to ask you, or you had to be there.. i wouldnt look through my husbands phone, honestly i dont care and i especially dont feel his private convos are any business of mine... but anyway, if i did i wouldnt ask him and then sit in front of him doing it. just sounds awkward.

get over yourself.

Quoting Addi's Momma:" That is a legitimate reason and request. A lot of people like to relax when they get home from work ... [snip!] ... plan nights out with friends. I would be irritated too if I worked all freaking day and had to come home to people in my house."

Yep.

<blockquote><b>Quoting shes*almost*one!:</b>" whether of not you think it's "okay" to have his friends over, regardless of their sexual orientation, ... [snip!] ... but anyway, if i did i wouldnt ask him and then sit in front of him doing it. just sounds awkward. get over yourself. "</blockquote>




Really? I asked him directly three times in private as to avoid awkwardness if he wanted to hang out just us and he lied and said he wanted to go to sleep because he was exhausted and I could hang out with Clint if I wanted. I didn't find out that he was upset about someone being over until the next day when he picked a fight about it.

Quoting Sneakthief:" <blockquote><b>Quoting shes*almost*one!:</b>" whether of not you think it's "okay" ... [snip!] ... if I wanted. I didn't find out that he was upset about someone being over until the next day when he picked a fight about it."

Maybe he lied because he was tired or didn't want to argue while Clint or whoever was over there? Maybe he just wanted to shut you up. Who knows. I think you should be more considerate of your husband and pick your battles. Why get mad because he looked through your phone when you have no problem with it? Doesn't make much sense.

<blockquote><b>Quoting LEGENDARY JAS ♥:</b>" Maybe he lied because he was tired or didn't want to argue while Clint or whoever was over there? Maybe ... [snip!] ... pick your battles. Why get mad because he looked through your phone when you have no problem with it? Doesn't make much sense."</blockquote>




I'm not mad, I said I didn't know how to feel about it. I'm fine with him looking if he wants, but I'm upset that he was looking to pick another fight. I'm tired of fighting about all of this little smurf because he won't talk to me about what's actually going on. He's even admitted he knows he's just looking for something to fight about but doesn't know why.

Quoting Sneakthief:" <blockquote><b>Quoting LEGENDARY JAS ♥:</b>" Maybe he lied because he was tired ... [snip!] ... what's actually going on. He's even admitted he knows he's just looking for something to fight about but doesn't know why."

Is he opposed to counseling? Something must be going on.

<blockquote><b>Quoting LEGENDARY JAS ♥:</b>" Is he opposed to counseling? Something must be going on."</blockquote>




We've been talking about it and its going to come up again this week. He started working as a mortician's apprentice about a month ago and it's a very emotionally stressful job. I encourage him to talk about it if something bothers him but I think he's hesitant to burden me with the gory details.