WWYD... marriage question

SO and I have been together for 9 years, we've been through a lot together (me being committed, bankruptcy, miscarriage).Though we've been engaged for 8 years now we've never really had plans for marriage. This has mostly been due to both money and the fact that there isnt a Norse Paganist celebrant in Perth.

My mother is wanting to put forth $1500 for us to just get a non-denominational celebrant and have a small ceremony in her backyard. She wants to do this because she knows that my dad, whose extremely old fashioned, will freak when he finds out im pregnant again out of wedlock.

I really dont know what to do, SO wants to go ahead because hes wanted to get married for years. I however feel panicky when I think about marriage.

Marriage certainly doesn't make anything easier so if you're not one hundred percent sure don't do it. I get that your father will be upset but he wouldn't be the one going through the divorce so it is your decision.

Honestly, for us, marriage changed nothing about our relationship. We had a great relationship before the ceremony and its exactly the same after. Thbonly thing that chnaged was our jewelry and our taxes.
If you have a strong foundation and you're happy together, why not get married?

<blockquote><b>Quoting AngelGabriel'sMama:</b>" Marriage certainly doesn't make anything easier so if you're not one hundred percent sure don't do it. ... [snip!] ... don't do it. I get that your father will be upset but he wouldn't be the one going through the divorce so it is your decision."</blockquote>


The thing I have nothing to be panicky about. I adore SO and he always puts me and DS first. He's always willing to sit down and talk through issues. Hes perfect really, well, as close to as possible. There is no reaspon for me to not want to do this.

I got married when i was pregnant it was just a small ceromony not like i had origonally planned my big day... but it was a beautiful day and i love being married! It was our 3rd year wedding aniversary last month! If u and ur SO have a great relationship i think u should just do it! If ur always waiting foe the perfect time it might not ever come!

My SO and I have been together and engaged for ages. If someone threw money at me to finally get off my butt and get married I would probably do it (though if the only reason they wanted me to do it was so I didn't have another kid out of wedlock I'd probably be a bit .. I don't know offended?)

If you are happy together and want to get married I don't see why not. As long as it is what you want. Do you feel panicky about being married or about the wedding itself?

<blockquote><b>Quoting Blah:</b>" My SO and I have been together and engaged for ages. If someone threw money at me to finally get off ... [snip!] ... I don't see why not. As long as it is what you want. Do you feel panicky about being married or about the wedding itself?"</blockquote>



I think its more having to change my name on everything. But I think its more coming from a pentacostal family and the irrational fear of being trapped in a 'traditional' marriage. Which I know is stupid especially since my mum is the breadwinner and my dad is a house husband.

I suppose I just feel like marriage is a loss of identity... Which Is a ridiculously old fashioned notion.

Quoting Destiel:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Blah:</b>" My SO and I have been together and engaged for ages. ... [snip!] ... is a house husband. I suppose I just feel like marriage is a loss of identity... Which Is a ridiculously old fashioned notion."

Well it seems like your basically married anyway ... besides changing your name and stuff. I mean you have been together for so long, overcome a lot, have a house, kid and another on the way. So if it were going to happen you would have "lost your identity" already if that makes sense. I don't think making it official would change anything in that way.

I'm with you on the changing your name thing, i'm not looking forward to that lol.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Blah:</b>" Well it seems like your basically married anyway ... besides changing your name and stuff. I mean you ... [snip!] ... would change anything in that way. I'm with you on the changing your name thing, i'm not looking forward to that lol."</blockquote>




And its not even that I can get away with keeping my maiden name, its so ridiculous that Id be stupid not to change it.

Quoting Destiel:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Blah:</b>" My SO and I have been together and engaged for ages. ... [snip!] ... is a house husband. I suppose I just feel like marriage is a loss of identity... Which Is a ridiculously old fashioned notion."

You don't have to change your name at all.

And I wouldn't do it because.. smurf marriage, that's why.

Quoting Destiel:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Blah:</b>" Well it seems like your basically married anyway ... [snip!] ... And its not even that I can get away with keeping my maiden name, its so ridiculous that Id be stupid not to change it."

I want to keep my maiden name. I prefer it to SOs last name. I asked him to switch to my last name instead and he laughed in my face, so i'm going to take his. I want the same last name as our kids plus I don't like being the odd one out on our medicare card lol.

<blockquote><b>Quoting The Great Mustachio:</b>" You don't have to change your name at all. And I wouldn't do it because.. smurf marriage, that's why. "</blockquote>



SO really wants to get married and has for years, I feel bad to constantly refuse him because I have an irrational fear.