Forums > Sex & RelationshipsPage 1 2 3by: *Mega Mom*

re: THAT SON OF A BITCH! VENT

posted 9th Feb

Quoting Squid Kid:" You can't just go around naming people the father of your child just because you love them more than ... [snip!] ... their rights. It happened to my brother and didn't turn out well for him. So it's more of a personal opinion from experience."

You say he has time to grow up.... so a kid that's already 5 and has a father that won't come around should WAIT to see if the father mans up.... when she has someone that wants to adopt the child? That makes no sense. A child shouldnt have to wait that long and even longer for the father to "grow up." He's 5... if he's not grown up by now I doubt he ever will.

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I have 1 child & live in Golden, Colorado

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Squid Kidonline

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posted 9th Feb

edited.

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I have 1 child & 2 angel babies & live in Tennessee

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3 little monsters

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posted 9th Feb

Quoting Squid Kid:" You can't just go around naming people the father of your child just because you love them more than ... [snip!] ... their rights. It happened to my brother and didn't turn out well for him. So it's more of a personal opinion from experience."

It's not about loving a man more than the person you slept with. It's about the one who has been there doing the things a father should. He hasn't even seen the child in 4 years and that is plenty of time to decide you want to be in a childs life. He still consistently pays the bare minimum to avoid jail, not to support his child but because he doesn't want to get in trouble. It's clearly not a case of "I'm mad at you and have a new BF". There's nothing to defend, sorry your brothers case didn't work out but it's no reason to make her feel like she's doing the wrong thing by not wanting a man who is still, after 4 years avoiding doing even the bare min to help support him let alone an active parental role. It is not a kids choice, if the child was 14 and she was preventing him from meeting his father I could see your point. This child is 5 and his biological father has never had an active role in his life. Those kinds of decisions aren't for kids to make. A step parent adoption doesn't mean she is shutting him out of their childs life forever. My daughter is 8, hasn't seen her bio father in 6 1/2 years and my husband is adopting her, she's still knows her history and if she ever wants to meet him I'm fine with that. There is FAR more to making it legal than the daddy issue like insurance, wills, last names, legal custody, passports even. A step parent adoption doesn't mean he's dead to them, it means someone else that wants the job is taking over legally. Maybe she wants to shut him out, maybe she doesn't, she didn't say, all she said was she wanted her husband to adopt her son.

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I have 3 kids & live in Olathe, Colorado

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*Mega Mom*

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posted 10th Feb

Quoting 3 little monsters:" It's not about loving a man more than the person you slept with. It's about the one who has been there ... [snip!] ... Maybe she wants to shut him out, maybe she doesn't, she didn't say, all she said was she wanted her husband to adopt her son. "

You made so many excellent points. One of them being an isse we face. My MIL wants to take all her kids and grandkids (being there are only 2 currently... including the one I'm pregnant with) and we can't get my son a passport. I have NO clue how to even get ahold of the deadbeat, and even if I did, he wouldn't sign off on it (he has said so in the past). That means, we can't take my son. Which means I won't go either, so neither will my husband etc. I should be able to take my son on a vacation, but can't without his permission... and I have NO way of getting that. My husband also wants 1) for him to have the name legally that he thinks he has (he just assumed when my name changed, so did his... "we all got married" he says) and 2) given he is special needs, my husband would like to put him on his insurance as he is a gov't employee... so his is REALLY good.

There are so many issues. Honestly, I do want to shut him out... mostly because he has drug abuse and anger issues. I don't want him to hurt my son. It has nothing to do with "I am with someone new and want to piss you off".... if that were the case I wouldn't be trying my damnedest to keep his nosey ass from finding out I'm pregnant. I simply want the best for my son, and until he can prove he has dealt with his anger issues AND his drug issues, I simply won't allow him around my son. That is why there is a restraining order. He currently has "rights"... as in 1 hour every month of supervised visitation AFTER a mandatory parenting class and he has to pay $500 for the supervision service. Not once has he ever attempted to use it. At first it broke my heart, but as I got older and wiser I realized it was for the best. My son doesn't need to know that his real daddy doesn't love him, instead he knows that his DADDY loves him and his mommy.

Sorry.... didn't mean to go on and on...

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I'm due July 13th (a boy), have 1 child & 1 angel baby & live in Texas

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3 little monsters

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posted 10th Feb

<blockquote>Quoting *Mega Mom*:" You made so many excellent points. One of them being an isse we face. My MIL wants to take all her ... [snip!] ... daddy doesn't love him, instead he knows that his DADDY loves him and his mommy. Sorry.... didn't mean to go on and on... "</blockquote>

You can get around the passport issue, I did it and lived in Japan with my daughter for 3 years. It's a PIA though, you have to send in a signed document that he isn't in contact, list all the supporting reasons and it is reviewed by a bunch of people. If they approve it you can get the passport. It takes a good few weeks off the general passport time frame though. Giant pain, and you only have to do it if bio is on the birth certificate, such BS.

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I have 3 kids & live in Olathe, Colorado

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FroggysMommy

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posted 10th Feb

Quoting 3 little monsters:" <blockquote>Quoting *Mega Mom*:" You made so many excellent points. One ... [snip!] ... off the general passport time frame though. Giant pain, and you only have to do it if bio is on the birth certificate, such BS."

Could you PM me the exact process you used to do that? Do they contact the father in ANY way?

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I have 1 child & live in Golden, Colorado

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*Mega Mom*

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posted 10th Feb

Quoting 3 little monsters:" <blockquote>Quoting *Mega Mom*:" You made so many excellent points. One ... [snip!] ... off the general passport time frame though. Giant pain, and you only have to do it if bio is on the birth certificate, such BS."

He is :/ We were married ... before he shook him. Can you message me some of that info? That would be SUPER handy!

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I'm due July 13th (a boy), have 1 child & 1 angel baby & live in Texas

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*Mega Mom*

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posted 10th Feb

Quoting FroggysMommy:" Could you PM me the exact process you used to do that? Do they contact the father in ANY way?"

THIS!

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I'm due July 13th (a boy), have 1 child & 1 angel baby & live in Texas

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Fur_Cue

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posted 10th Feb

Wow apart from the shaking bit and the fact I kicked my ex out.. Sounds like my elders BD, but only he doesn't pay me at all! But I have am happy in the knowledge my daughter was born before April 2007... Cause here in britian it means he has zero parental rights! Which was demostrated when he attempted to stop my sister taking my daughter to Greece for a hoilday (I can't fly) I was standing there and had that pleasure of saying "it's fine with me she goes.. " gave my daughter a kiss and him the finger!

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I have 4 kids & live in Dundee, United Kingdom

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3 little monsters

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posted 10th Feb

<blockquote>Quoting FroggysMommy:" Could you PM me the exact process you used to do that? Do they contact the father in ANY way?"</blockquote>

Nope no contact at all. I can PM both of you the process later, I'm on my phone.

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I have 3 kids & live in Olathe, Colorado

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♥Jessie♥

5397 posts

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posted 10th Feb

Quoting *Mega Mom*:" You made so many excellent points. One of them being an isse we face. My MIL wants to take all her ... [snip!] ... daddy doesn't love him, instead he knows that his DADDY loves him and his mommy. Sorry.... didn't mean to go on and on... "

You can't add him to your husband's insurance? Have you asked? My husband was allowed to add my daughter when we got married because she is dependent since we have primary custody. She is just listed as a stepchild.

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I'm due July 13th (a girl), have 1 child & 2 angel babies & live in Idaho

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*Mega Mom*

665 posts

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posted 10th Feb

Quoting ♥Jessie♥:" You can't add him to your husband's insurance? Have you asked? My husband was allowed to add my daughter ... [snip!] ... add my daughter when we got married because she is dependent since we have primary custody. She is just listed as a stepchild."

He has a "pre-existing" ... the learning delays and what not. And apparently unless it's HIS child, they wont cover him. So right now we have smurffy Medicaid

quote smurfs?

I'm due July 13th (a boy), have 1 child & 1 angel baby & live in Texas

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re: THAT SON OF A BITCH! VENT

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