Child support demands in court.

I am fuming right now.

I am trying to move and figure up a budget, and my daughter's father is begging to keep everything about her out of court. He makes a really great salary. When we were together, I worked and supported him while he went to college. When it came to be my turn to go to school, he belittled and abused me, isolated me made it damn near impossible to go. I only have half my degree.
I plan to go back now that I don't have his abuse hampering me.

Right now though, I got a decent job, paying enough ALMOST to get rid of having room mates. I have our daughter in daycare, which he originally said he would pay for alternating weeks. Here, she is in week 5 and he paid for it one time, then demanded I repay him immediately.   And he's been bitching about how much of a hardship it is for him to pay it like he pays it every week or something.    Bitch please, I'm not able to reap the benefits of my raise and save for my moving deposit because the difference in my checks has ALL gone to childcare that he promised to pay half of.

Anyway, he was bragging to me today about how he will be paying off his car in 2 months, and will have an extra $460 a month to do whatever he wants with. I very nicely congratulated him, and mentioned that If he felt so inclined he could help with daycare like he said he would then. He told me I should have gone to college like him and by the time I could afford to go (when I pay off my car and have our daughter in public school and lose the expense of daycare) I would be too old and life would be over for me. I was pissed. It was his controlling abusiveness that stopped me from finishing my degree to begin with.

According to some child support calculators, he should be paying me about $850 a month. He has only agreed to pay me $262 (half of daycare). But like I said, he reneged on that.

Do you think it would hold up if I took him to court and asked him to pay for all or MOST of daycare? The total amount is $524. Significantly less than the $850 I'm supposedly entitled to by the tool. I'm not greedy. I just want to be able to work and afford the necessities like groceries and rent... If he paid it I'd make sure he could claim it on his taxes next year. I'm not going after his entire wallet. And besides, daycare allows him to work too. It's not just a benefit to me. If neither of us paid it one of us would be out of a job watching her.

You should take him to get the max. You gave him a chance to be a good guy.

Honestly, I would file for support and he would have what ever the state demands a month taken out of his checks. He made the child too, its not fair for him to put all of the financial responsibility of raising her on you.

Can you just take him for the 850 + daycare?
Daycare costs weren't included in the child support amount when i did it (i went through the state), it was a separate expense.
He paid child support & 70% of daycare.
It's not like you're being selfish, you're caring for your child's needs.

i would file and take whatever they give you, my dad had to pay child support plus day care cost.

Quoting BryarWoods:" Honestly, I would file for support and he would have what ever the state demands a month taken out of ... [snip!] ... of his checks. He made the child too, its not fair for him to put all of the financial responsibility of raising her on you."

Does the state decide what to pay the custodial parent? I have never set foot in a courthouse yet. My friend's girlfriend works for a lawyer downtown and is offering to get me some legal advice next week.


My big fear is that because he makes more they will just give him custody instead of him paying me to raise her.

Quoting Derpy Hooves:" Does the state decide what to pay the custodial parent? I have never set foot in a courthouse yet. My ... [snip!] ... next week. My big fear is that because he makes more they will just give him custody instead of him paying me to raise her."

I was an unemployed student, my dude is 9 years older, has had the same career forever. He paid child support, daycare, insurance, etc- and it had no effect on custody...at all. He was having a few hour visits a week during this time. No overnights.

Quoting KNZ.:" Can you just take him for the 850 + daycare? Daycare costs weren't included in the child support amount ... [snip!] ... He paid child support & 70% of daycare. It's not like you're being selfish, you're caring for your child's needs."

The calculator tool I used included daycare and health insurance as a factor.

http://www.alllaw.com/calculators/childsupport/virginia/

I really don't want to be greedy. He has a lot of debt and would in no way be able to support himself if he paid me the max, but since he is paying off his car, he could pay me more and not be hurt for money.

I really have a certain level of pride in wanting to do it myself, mostly. But I do recognize that he needs to help some. I could use help with daycare and food. Since she'll be wanting to eat daily and all.

Quoting Derpy Hooves:" Does the state decide what to pay the custodial parent? I have never set foot in a courthouse yet. My ... [snip!] ... next week. My big fear is that because he makes more they will just give him custody instead of him paying me to raise her."

state decides how much he pays. and child support has no effect on custody. my dad made 4x more then my mom.

Quoting Derpy Hooves:" Does the state decide what to pay the custodial parent? I have never set foot in a courthouse yet. My ... [snip!] ... next week. My big fear is that because he makes more they will just give him custody instead of him paying me to raise her."

The state wont make him custodial because he makes more then you do. As far as I know, child support is a separate issue then custody.

Quoting KNZ.:" I was an unemployed student, my dude is 9 years older, has had the same career forever. He paid child ... [snip!] ... etc- and it had no effect on custody...at all. He was having a few hour visits a week during this time. No overnights. "

That's encouraging.

But he's a really classic abuser. Had me financially abused, socially isolated, car-less, emotional and verbally abused. It took so long to break this cycle.

I'm afraid as a master manipulator he will come off as charming and suave to the judge and make up stuff about how I supposedly have problems.

Ugh. It's just too much.

Quoting Derpy Hooves:" The calculator tool I used included daycare and health insurance as a factor. http://www.alllaw.c ... [snip!] ... do recognize that he needs to help some. I could use help with daycare and food. Since she'll be wanting to eat daily and all."

I see what you're saying.
I didn't file for C/S for my seven year old but his dad isn't in the picture/never really has been. and i never wanted it from him.

i didn't want it when my daughter's dad and i were separated cos i didn't want to look like i was after money or whatever, til i realized it's his responsibility to at least contribute financially. really, there's no shame in you getting the financial support he owes his child.

Quoting Derpy Hooves:" The calculator tool I used included daycare and health insurance as a factor. http://www.alllaw.c ... [snip!] ... do recognize that he needs to help some. I could use help with daycare and food. Since she'll be wanting to eat daily and all."

They will give him a support amount that he is able to pay. You are not being greedy, your doing whats best for your daughter. Can you say "I dont want to pay for that for DD"? No, so why should he be able to choose to (choose not to in this case) contribute to necessary child care bills?

Quoting *L0ViN.J.D.&M*:" state decides how much he pays. and child support has no effect on custody. my dad made 4x more then my mom."

My mom never went after my dad for child support, or did anything legal. She just basically drove off to a new state with us one night and we never saw him again. I wish she had done it right sometimes so I could get advice from her.

Quoting Derpy Hooves:" That's encouraging. But he's a really classic abuser. Had me financially abused, socially isolated, ... [snip!] ... come off as charming and suave to the judge and make up stuff about how I supposedly have problems. Ugh. It's just too much."

that's exactly what my dude did.
but they saw through him.
i mean, he was a clean cut 30some year old, and i'm this little tattooed thing that looks half his age.
yet he'd never had her for more than 2 hours alone in the first year+ of her life and was a complete lying, jackass.
and every time we went to court/mediation/counseling he'd run his mouth about me (lies) and come off all suave 'n crap.
but they saw through him. they're used to it i'm sure.