re: Child support demands in court.

Quoting Derpy Hooves:" That's encouraging. But he's a really classic abuser. Had me financially abused, socially isolated, ... [snip!] ... come off as charming and suave to the judge and make up stuff about how I supposedly have problems. Ugh. It's just too much."

What a scumbag   After you file, dont let him get to you. Im sure he will try to guilt trip you or make you feel bad about it. He will also probably say he cant pay his bills ect ect some sob story. Dont believe it, and know its for your little one.

Quoting Jude ♥ JGL:" You should take him to get the max. You gave him a chance to be a good guy."

 
Also, He can't just come off as charming and get out of paying child support for his child. They would most likely make him pay ALL of daycare +$$$. Don't let him scare you so that he doesn't have to help out financially!!!!

Quoting KNZ.:" that's exactly what my dude did. but they saw through him. i mean, he was a clean cut 30some year ... [snip!] ... he'd run his mouth about me (lies) and come off all suave 'n crap. but they saw through him. they're used to it i'm sure."

I have ONE thing going for me. I was in therapy where they recognized me as an abuse victim without me claiming it, and while I was in inpatient, he called and harassed and threatened the Doctors and me to try and get them to release me. So I have a few witnesses in town, as well as a former room mate who moved out from living with us both as a couple because of how he treated me.

Quoting Derpy Hooves:" I have ONE thing going for me. I was in therapy where they recognized me as an abuse victim without ... [snip!] ... in town, as well as a former room mate who moved out from living with us both as a couple because of how he treated me."

You have nothing to worry about. They will see through his BS like the other ladies said.

Quoting Derpy Hooves:" I have ONE thing going for me. I was in therapy where they recognized me as an abuse victim without ... [snip!] ... in town, as well as a former room mate who moved out from living with us both as a couple because of how he treated me."

sorry you had to go through that with him.to get child support though.. you wouldn't even need that.
like, the best dad's in the wooooorld, who separate from their partners-- they still pay child support, know what i mean?

he's not gonna smooth talk some judge into getting him out of child support, that's just..not an option

So what's the first step to filing for custody and child support?
He IS on the birth certificate. We're not married, never were.
He already covers her on his work insurance for health care.
I can provide more specific details but I'm not sure what is relevant info.

Quoting KNZ.:" sorry you had to go through that with him.to get child support though.. you wouldn't even need that. ... [snip!] ... know what i mean? he's not gonna smooth talk some judge into getting him out of child support, that's just..not an option "

I'm worried he's going to smooth talk me out of having custody.

Quoting Jude ♥ JGL:" You should take him to get the max. You gave him a chance to be a good guy."

 

Quoting Derpy Hooves:" So what's the first step to filing for custody and child support? He IS on the birth certificate. We're ... [snip!] ... covers her on his work insurance for health care. I can provide more specific details but I'm not sure what is relevant info."

Go to your local courthouse and ask for a parenting plan (worksheet packet), or go to their website and print it out.

You can file child support through the state if you want (i found it to be easier and faster, you give them his info and they do everything from there/you don't go before a judge for it like you would in court)

Another helpful tip is meeting with a courthouse facilitator. Here it's $20 for a 40ish min appointment and they can help explain/fill out paperwork with you.
I met with one three times during the time before hiring my lawyer.
So incredibly helpful.

I went through this with my dude for 2 years. Mediations, court meetings, etc.
If you ever have any questions at any time, you can PM me!

Quoting KNZ.:" Go to your local courthouse and ask for a parenting plan (worksheet packet), or go to their website ... [snip!] ... this with my dude for 2 years. Mediations, court meetings, etc. If you ever have any questions at any time, you can PM me!"

Thank you. I appreciate that. Is it true what I have heard that the first person to file for custody usually gets it?

Quoting Derpy Hooves:" Thank you. I appreciate that. Is it true what I have heard that the first person to file for custody usually gets it?"

like, gets it as in is the role of primary parent?
i'm gonna say no  
the parent who's had the most time with the child, who is the most beneficial to their well-being, etc etc (so you) is rewarded the primary parent.
at most a 50/50 thing would happen. but that didn't happen to us. (and my dude tried to get MORE time than me, like he was trying to be the primary parent, then wanted 50/50 and was awarded neither. he got e/o weekend once she turned 3-3.5)

Quoting Derpy Hooves:" I'm worried he's going to smooth talk me out of having custody."

All you need if you evidence of abuse against you, then that's out the window for him, he would have to prove you seriously unfit.

I get CS for my oldest DS through the state. Never had to set foot in a courthouse. You can go online and get some information and contact the agency http://www.dss.virginia.gov/family/dcse/index.cgi

The only time you may ever have to go to court is if he appeals. But I wouldn't worry if he does. I do remember that I did have to go to court once a few years ago because BD requested the amount be adjusted. I just sat there in the room while BD spoke with the judge. I was only asked a few questions about my income and if I felt an adjustment was necessary. Needless to say they INCREASED the amount of support!

BD is over $6000 in the arrears.. I get $141 twice a month. We were never married and BD is on DS's birth certificate. I am now working, so I could get the amount increased again if I wanted.

Quoting Derpy Hooves:" I am fuming right now. I am trying to move and figure up a budget, and my daughter's father is begging ... [snip!] ... allows him to work too. It's not just a benefit to me. If neither of us paid it one of us would be out of a job watching her."

Have you not filed for CS yet?

Smurf that, 850 a month buddy....  You're being too nice.

I seriously want to shove my smurfing fist down his throat sometimes.