re: Telling BD my son isn't getting his last name....

I gave my son my last name and had been with his father for two years when he was born. I'm glad I did because he hasn't seen him since he was two months old.

I wanted my son to feel like a part of a family. Since the plan when he was born was that he be would be living with me, I knew it would be easier on him to have my last name. ESP when he starts school, etc.

Do what YOU want to do. He will get over it. He's still his son, no matter his last name.

<blockquote><b>Quoting I'm His Amy He's My Rory:</b>" Jealousy I'm guessing."</blockquote>


Probably so.

Oh boy, the girlfriend thing has nothing to do with his last name, I was just giving a little information about myself and his dad. Although him having a girlfriend did make me think of the future when or if he gets married and that my son is sharing a last name with some other woman and not myself who has raised him and is his mother. I'm not jealous lol, if you knew my situation you'd know this is true. I want him to have my last name because I'm raising him in my home, where he has his nursery and belongings, the BD doesn't even have a pack of diapers set aside for him yet... I don't know what kind of relationship he will in the long run have with his dad, but I know I will always be his soul provider. I have a strong supportive family, and he does not, there's many reasons for it. Thank you so much for all of your advise, I guess I've just needed the confidence to do it! I was definitely planning on telling him before the baby comes FYI! Thanks all!

If I wasn't with my kids dad they would have had my last name... He will get over it.

Quoting Little_Bs_Mommy:" Oh boy, the girlfriend thing has nothing to do with his last name, I was just giving a little information ... [snip!] ... guess I've just needed the confidence to do it! I was definitely planning on telling him before the baby comes FYI! Thanks all!"

You have your reasons and whatever they may be is your choice. Good luck with the baby in the future and I wish you much happiness in being a momma.  

<blockquote><b>Quoting Little_Bs_Mommy:</b>" Oh boy, the girlfriend thing has nothing to do with his last name, I was just giving a little information ... [snip!] ... guess I've just needed the confidence to do it! I was definitely planning on telling him before the baby comes FYI! Thanks all!"</blockquote>




Sounds like my sons father but we were together when he was born. And as I said in my earlier post, he just wasn't ready to be a dad. I'm all for giving the baby your name.

For SOME guys, I think a kid having their name is more if a pride thing, than actually looking out for the best interest of the child.

Can you imagine your kid dragging around a deadbeat's surname?

Quoting A is Me:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Little_Bs_Mommy:</b>" Oh boy, the girlfriend thing has nothing ... [snip!] ... than actually looking out for the best interest of the child. Can you imagine your kid dragging around a deadbeat's surname?"

Very true.

My babies would always have my name until there was a ring on it. ;) But I was married first, so it didn't matter.

My parents married when I was 5, and I had my mom's maiden name until they wed.

If you think hes going to absoultly go bat smurf crazy and flip out when you tell him then I would not tell him until after the birth certificate is filled out and handed back in because then whats done is done. But you are right to use your last name then his since he won't be the soul provider for the baby. And you don't know if he'll stick around after the baby is born. Good luck in whatever you choose.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mrs. God of Thunder:</b>" Very true. My babies would always have my name until there was a ring on it. ;) But I was married ... [snip!] ... I was married first, so it didn't matter. My parents married when I was 5, and I had my mom's maiden name until they wed."</blockquote>




That's funny cause that's what I told my sons father. I said you say you want us to be a family, so WHEN we get married, we'll all have your last name.

Yeahhh, that didn't happen

Quoting I'm His Amy He's My Rory:" There's no laws anywhere in the United States dictating last name usage. You could have the last name ... [snip!] ... name Smith and give one of your kid's the last name Fartsmeller, then another, Bonelicker, then another Knobhead if you wanted."

 

I have never heard of such a thing!!

<blockquote><b>Quoting S U Z I E:</b>"   I have never heard of such a thing!!"</blockquote>




She's right. You can give your kid any name. But people don't really do that, so that's why you've never heard of it.

Quoting Mrs. God of Thunder:" You have your reasons and whatever they may be is your choice. Good luck with the baby in the future and I wish you much happiness in being a momma.  "

Thank you so much!!!    

Quoting MommyToWesley:" If you previously told him that you were going to give the child his last name, then you should tell ... [snip!] ... or in a long-term relationship, and especially if they aren't together. I definitely think you're making the right decision!  "

Your right, he needs to know before hand which I plan on doing! Thanks for the great advise!  

You all have made me feel so much better about this... who knew a bunch of strangers could be so supportive and helpful   now if I could just put the words together correctly to tell him in the kindest way possible. I don't want to mess up the good civil relationship we've got going on.. RIGHT NOW lol.

Quoting meggg+J&B♥:" this! i wish i would of done that, my ex is a deadbeat and we're going through a huge court battle, ... [snip!] ... stuck carrying around a name that means nothing to him, and in my opinion "honoring" a deadbeat dad..just put your last name!"

 


I wish I hadn't given my oldest her deadbeat's last name as well! It was a bitch to change and of course, even though he wasn't a part of her life, he refused to approve a name change!   The only reason it was changed, was because my husband adopted her....which was also a huge pain in the ass, surrounded by a roll of red tape! In addition to the fact that every time her school called, they asked for (and continued to call me) Mrs. D...