I'm so done being generous!

Has anyone else ever put yourself in a situation where you have been too generous for too long so people just start to take advantage of your generosity? Over the last year, I've borrowed my cousin probably around $2,000. And not usually in cash. She had an instance where her hot water got shut off, so I paid $500 to get it turned back on so her daughter wouldn't have to take a cold bath. Her daughter is 2 years old. There was another time when I bought her a carseat when hers expired. I've bought diapers for her. And paid for her car insurance, heat bill...and several times when she was low on cash, just to get her through till her next paycheck. And she's always been telling me that when she gets her taxes back (hopefully in the next couple weeks), she's going to give me at least $1,000. The last time she borrowed cash was about a week before Christmas. She borrowed $150 and promised I would have it back on December 28th. Now it's February 6th. Something comes up every time her and her dead beat boyfriend (and father to her child) get paid. The first time they were supposed to give me the $150, her boyfriend had gotten suspended from work and missed 3 days, so they couldn't afford it then. 2 weeks later, the company they work for was bought by another company and their pay period changed, so that check only had 4 days on it for both of them. 2 weeks after that, she hit a deer and had to pay a deductible of $1,000 to get the car fixed. So obviously they couldn't pay me back after that. And I find out today that her dead beat boyfriend, who would rather spend all his time at his friends house smoking pot and playing video games, than he would at home with his daugher, he lost his job today. So I still don't get my $150 that I was supposed to have over a month ago, and I may not get the $1,000 out of her taxes if this jackass doesn't get another job right away, because their taxes will need to go towards bills. UGH!!! Well I've learned my lesson, even if it means their heat gets shut off and they have to take cold showers...I'm never lending them money ever again. I love my cousin to death, but if it wasn't for her daughter, I never would have helped her as much as I have. I just can't help feeling used and taken advantage of. It's not a good feeling  

I also forgot to add in there that I let her drive my car for 3 months while my husband was at Basic Training and I drove his truck. But I STILL paid my car insurance even though she was driving my car.

Of call that supporting them, not just helping them. I would cut them off and let them know you are.

Quoting ILOVEWINE:" Of call that supporting them, not just helping them. I would cut them off and let them know you are."

Oh yeah, as much as I've been reminding her the past few weeks about that $150, she knows I'll never lend her money again. I don't even have to tell her that.

Yup, I've put myself in that situation a lot. Thankfully my husband finds my philanthropy endearing and doesn't get mad when I spend a few of our precious last dollars to buy a hot meal or gloves for the homeless guy outside of the store lol

But I have unfriended people who do it excessively to me thinking I'll always give them money, did it recently. Just moved across country, spent almost all our savings. She has has the smurfing government paying her rent, her schooling, her medical (including a gastric bypass), her utilities, her food for over 12 years, gets over $1,000 in child support and was asking ME for money for cigarettes and gas money every smurfing week while I was out of work and my husband was going to school. It was ridiculous >.<

You loaned money...not borrowed her money. That drives me up the wall. I thought for a minute that SHE was the one loaning YOU money.

But stop loaning money unless you look at it as a gift. When I give money I never expect it back because people just aren't dependable.

This makes me sad for you   you're definitely being taken advantage of. It's a damn shame. Cut them off and stand your ground! If they live close by, maybe offer your tub for LO to have warm baths? It's not going to stop until you put your foot down. They know you have a good heart and will continue to sponge off you and feed you excuses as to why they can't pay you back. It's also sad they've been having such a rough go, but they definitely have to get their priorities straight

Quoting T-Swizzle+2:" You loaned money...not borrowed her money. That drives me up the wall. I thought for a minute that SHE ... [snip!] ... loaning money unless you look at it as a gift. When I give money I never expect it back because people just aren't dependable. "

Yeah, sorry I misworded it I guess LOL. From now on I've decided there's only one person I'll loan money to. And that is her sister. She will NEVER borrow more than she can afford to pay back, and won't do it unless she has no other option, and tells me exactly when she gets paid, and puts it in my checking account the day she gets paid. She's the only one I trust from now on with borrowing money from me. But for being sisters, they sure do manage money differently!

I've been in that situation before and you totally have the right to be pissed. From my situation I found that the person viewed me as " the backup plan" or "emergency fund". Smurf that! Sometimes it takes taking cold showers and "finding" a way to work or taking public transportation to wake a person up so they act responsible. Time to cut her off and let her know why. You have a family to provide for too and she's proven won't pay you back. If you don't like confrontation next time just say no sorry I can't. She will get the point.

Quoting Stephanie Onyembi:" Yeah, sorry I misworded it I guess LOL. From now on I've decided there's only one person I'll loan money ... [snip!] ... the only one I trust from now on with borrowing money from me. But for being sisters, they sure do manage money differently!"

It just ruins relationships  

I've given my family money before to help with bills but never ask to get it back because when people can't manage money they can't manage money. They're always behind and never ahead because they have low income and terrible spending habits. I can't stand to see someone go without though... especially when they have children.

Also, when she was pregnant with her daughter...we were at wal-mart and her boyfriend was with us. Her daughter was born in November and I told her she would need a carseat cover because it would be cold. Her boyfriend said he wasn't going to buy it, and he was going to buy a couple video games. I put it in the cart and said I'll spend the $16 so your baby won't freeze. Then I told him he could walk his ass home because he wasn't getting back in my car! I hate that guy! I wish she would just leave his sorry ass!!!

idk, maybe it's because I see it happen with my family but there are usually certain members in everyone's family that just seems to never be able to to get on their feet.

My mom is constantly helping out an aunt of mine.

Cars, money, food etc..
It's just one of those things where you help this member and you don't expect to ever really see that money again because of the type of person who you are dealing with.

I suggest if you can't afford to help loan out that money to the person, don't do it anymore. It seems to me that you already know you won't be seeing that money anymore at the time that you loan it due to a bad track record already with that person.