I'm not too sure what to do...

I had begun filing a custody order last year. BD's mom (nana) begged me not to... so I waited. Her deadbeat loser BD was totally out of the picture, so I thought I may not need it after all. WRONG. Once I started getting child support, the sneaky little jerks went behind my back. Her Nana started taking DD frequently. Just when I thought it seemed a little too often and a little strange, I discovered that BD filed to have the child support adjusted to pretty much nothing because he is claiming he is seeing her. His mom was supposed to tell me whenever he was around so that I knew what kind of a relationship they were building and what kind of judgement to make about a custody arrangement. She did not. So many things have happened that make me absolutely not trust her. BD ONLY came back around because he wants to not pay child support. He wants to never ever have to be responsible for a damn thing. Not even himself. He is toxic to my daughter and has caused me so much greif I'm pretty sure I need to be medicated....seriously. She comes home with diaper rashes and bruises...

I am thinking about just dropping the child support case so he will totally go away. I do not want to go to court because I am afraid they will specify days that he has to see her, and because he doesn't actually give a smurf about her, he will neglect her and in the road to come, develop turmoil for her success as a human being. Has anyone been in this situation. can they offer me advice. I cannot afford a lawyer or else I would have had one a year ago. If I DO decide to go to court and get a custody agreement, I will have both him and his mother drug tested. However, they have so many cleaners out there on the market, the thought of them actually passing terrifies me. I'm full of anxiety over this. I just need answers and truth from that excuse of a family.

Your daughter deserves a father, whether you like him or not.

Go to court. File for custody & child support.

If she gets time with her father, at least she has one in her life.

This is so awful! Wish there was a magic solution to make it all better. She comes home with bruises? OMG. I wouldn't let her nana see her anymore, manipulative little ...
Sorry you're going through all this. What a mess.

Quoting Cat Abbott:" This is so awful! Wish there was a magic solution to make it all better. She comes home with bruises? ... [snip!] ... OMG. I wouldn't let her nana see her anymore, manipulative little ... Sorry you're going through all this. What a mess."

Yeah... I'm not allowing it until they can prove they will respect my wishes as her mother and treat her the way she deserves to be treated.

Quoting Red Bottom:" Your daughter deserves a father, whether you like him or not. Go to court. File for custody & child support. If she gets time with her father, at least she has one in her life."

I used to feel that way. However, when the child's father neglects them, puts them in harms way, and only has interest in them because they don't want to pay child support... that is not a father. I will never keep him away from her. just because he ejaculated does not make him a father. However, he has already damaged her life enough in the past 19months... I will not allow it to continue for the next 16 years. You're right. Every child does deserve a father. Sadly, a majority of children have that right taken by their fathers themselves.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Is that still my name?:</b>" I used to feel that way. However, when the child's father neglects them, puts them in harms way, and ... [snip!] ... right. Every child does deserve a father. Sadly, a majority of children have that right taken by their fathers themselves. "</blockquote>




How is he damaging her life?

Quoting Red Bottom:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Is that still my name?:</b>" I used to feel that way. However, ... [snip!] ... a majority of children have that right taken by their fathers themselves. "</blockquote> How is he damaging her life?"

By refusing to see her, well until he started paying child support. By in no way shape or form communicating with me about her, and in fact creating a hostile parenting environment. Oh..right... and being a huge pot head. He has no interest in her well-being (seen very clearly by his unwillingness to pay child support). His longest job last 6 months and he is nearly 30. He goes from home to home and is currently living with his girlfriend of only 4 months who is also creating a hostile parenting enviorment. She comes home with diaper rash and bruises constantly... I mean.... what else is there? I hate (and I used to be the same way) when people act like the idea of not allowing the father to come around is in some way a selfish measure. I have tried, and tried, and tried, and tried to get him to see her appropriately and to spend time with her and communicate with me about her. He absolutely refuses. I never wanted her to not have a father and i never in a million years would have thought I would be in this position. But here we are... and it is SOLELY due to his actions.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Is that still my name?:</b>" By refusing to see her, well until he started paying child support. By in no way shape or form communicating ... [snip!] ... in a million years would have thought I would be in this position. But here we are... and it is SOLELY due to his actions."</blockquote>




You listed a bunch of personality traits and then threw in bruises at the end. If she were being abused, that would be your first and only concern.

Your main thing is that he didn't want to see her until he was paying child support. Well now he wants to see her. Lucky her. Her dad wants to see her. She deserves that.

You want him to be a better parent, right? How do you expect him to do so unless he's parenting?

Quoting Red Bottom:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Is that still my name?:</b>" By refusing to see her, well ... [snip!] ... see her. She deserves that. You want him to be a better parent, right? How do you expect him to do so unless he's parenting?"

I don't get what you are not understanding here... He DOES NOT WANT to see her... he wants to stop the money from going to her. Which means having his mother take her while he sits on his ass and gets high once a month. lacking financial interest in the child along with time spent with the child is one of the biggest reasons a parent loses custody. And YES "personality traits" like being emotionally abusive and neglectful to the child are a major concern. I know children sometimes get bumps and bruises.... I'm not saying he abuses her... I am saying he neglects her. Period. And neglect is a form of emotional abuse.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Is that still my name?:</b>" I don't get what you are not understanding here... He DOES NOT WANT to see her... he wants to stop ... [snip!] ... and bruises.... I'm not saying he abuses her... I am saying he neglects her. Period. And neglect is a form of emotional abuse."</blockquote>




How does he neglect her when you say she's with his mom?
How is he emotionally abusive to her?

Quoting Red Bottom:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Is that still my name?:</b>" I don't get what you are not ... [snip!] ... abuse."</blockquote> How does he neglect her when you say she's with his mom? How is he emotionally abusive to her?"

By abandoning her and refusing to actually support or see her outside of when it benefits him. Do you think it is SAFE for her to be around people who would rather we didn't exist? How would you feel having a healthy enviornment growing up or being tossed around to a home where you are not wanted.... she's not even two yet and it already effects her.

Quoting Red Bottom:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Is that still my name?:</b>" I don't get what you are not ... [snip!] ... abuse."</blockquote> How does he neglect her when you say she's with his mom? How is he emotionally abusive to her?"

I want nothing more than for her to have every ounce of family she is entitled to. But I am not God and I cannot change people into bettering themselves and making the RIGHT decision.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Is that still my name?:</b>" By abandoning her and refusing to actually support or see her outside of when it benefits him. Do you ... [snip!] ... growing up or being tossed around to a home where you are not wanted.... she's not even two yet and it already effects her."</blockquote>




If he asks for her then he obviously wants her.

Quoting Red Bottom:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Is that still my name?:</b>" By abandoning her and refusing ... [snip!] ... she's not even two yet and it already effects her."</blockquote> If he asks for her then he obviously wants her."

He DOESN'T ask for her... his mom has been taking her. I have asked him too many times to count to be a part of her life and he hasn't.... I never said he asked for her. I said the exact opposite.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Is that still my name?:</b>" He DOESN'T ask for her... his mom has been taking her. I have asked him too many times to count to be a part of her life and he hasn't.... I never said he asked for her. I said the exact opposite."</blockquote>




Then why are you saying you want to drop child support so he'll leave her alone?