how do you do it?

how do you get over that there's something wrong with your baby that shouldn't be? something that was totally preventable and shouldn't have happened but it did because of negligence and your own stubborn nature.

I drive myself crazy with all of the what if's, could have's, should have's and would have's.

my daughter shouldn't have brain damage. we shouldn't be waiting to see if she'll ever walk or talk or be a "normal" child.

ugh.

I guess I had a smurffy day at her neuro appointment.
she's been doing so well and progressing like any other baby would, that I just wasn;t ready to hear anything bad. or to see her MRI images again with a big black open space where her brain should have grown, but it didn't, it's only fluid.

good news though- she doesn't need anti-seizure meds anymore. I am very very happy about that.

Do you mind if I ask how it's your fault?

I'm sorry hunny <3
My mom struggled with that for years with my sister.
Sometimes smurf happens.
I glad she is progressing though. And that's so great that she is off seizure meds!

Quoting Hairspray:" Do you mind if I ask how it's your fault?"

they didnt catch that I had vasa previa, so I had no idea about it and didnt think the baby was in any harm when I started bleeding after going into labour. my midwife told me i needed a csction asap but the on-call ob came in and said he didnt think I needed it and gave me the choice and I was all "ohh csections are so terrible" so I opted against it.

she may have had damage regardless. but I always tell myself if i would have just got the damn csection she would be okay.

Quoting Dallas ♥ Isla:" they didnt catch that I had vasa previa, so I had no idea about it and didnt think the baby was in ... [snip!] ... she may have had damage regardless. but I always tell myself if i would have just got the damn csection she would be okay."

You shouldn't do that to yourself. You made a decision at the time that you thought was best. Your daughter is beautiful and I hope she continues to do well.  

Aww please don't blame yourself. Your daughter is beautiful and just think how she's sitting up already   I'm glad that she doesn't have to be on the seizure meds anymore. What are they saying to expect from her since there was fluid?

Quoting Mandy and her girls!~:" Aww please don't blame yourself. Your daughter is beautiful and just think how she's sitting up already ... [snip!] ... glad that she doesn't have to be on the seizure meds anymore. What are they saying to expect from her since there was fluid?"

she said it's pretty normal because that part of the brain tissue is dead so it didnt grow with the rest. i dont know really but she said it wont cause any other issues. when we were first told about it they assured me it would only affect her motor skills but she's not saying she doesnt know if she wont be affected cognitively. which is really upsetting
we wont be able to tell at all under she's older. she said she expects her to be very delayed

bleh bleh bleh

Quoting Dallas ♥ Isla:" she said it's pretty normal because that part of the brain tissue is dead so it didnt grow with the ... [snip!] ... really upsetting we wont be able to tell at all under she's older. she said she expects her to be very delayed bleh bleh bleh"

If they aren't sure then maybe she wont and she's already sitting up which is good. I know though it has to be very upsetting to not know  

Quoting Mandy and her girls!~:" If they aren't sure then maybe she wont and she's already sitting up which is good. I know though it has to be very upsetting to not know   "

wow i just noticed all the typos I made lol

& thanks dear. i'm trying to stay hopeful for her

Quoting Dallas ♥ Isla:" wow i just noticed all the typos I made lol & thanks dear. i'm trying to stay hopeful for her"

Ha didn't even notice  

you dont ever get over it i dont think.

my son was born with a undiagnosed fatal heart defect. we were very unprepared and he almost died 3 times enroute to a hospital that could help him.

i got all the prenatal care that i was supposed have, they just didnt look for/catch his defect.

i still feel like i could have prevented it somehow.