dealing with stupid people after a loss

I need some help coping from some mama out here. I went in for my initial OB today and they said the baby didn't have a heart beat I am an emotional mess and I know that. I hadn't told many people but I told one of my cousins because she was in the dr. Office when I went in she called tonight and I told her what had happened and she said, Well at least it died before you actually saw or felt it move. If she would have been anywhere near me I probably would have killed her I was so angry. How do I deal with this? I already can't process the emotions I'm having because of the loss, and all I want to do is cry, I don't know how to deal with everything

I'm sorry  I just take it with a grain of salt, people think that is a comforting thing to say...and well it's not.

I am so sorry about your loss mama! And I hate that she could even think of saying that to you. That is a horrible thing to say!

Feel everything. Hurt as much as you can. Cry as hard as you can. And feel absolutely ever ounce of heartache that you can process.

Once you've done that, make a decision to get a little better every day.

Make a promise to yourself to be okay again.

Honestly, she probably was trying to be helpful but it didnt come out right. I almost lost Lily and people said "Well at least you are young, you always have time for more." Or "Its Gods wish and a sign it wasnt meant to be." Things like that. They really did mean well, it just came out wrong because its hard to really digest death, ya know?

I'm sorry hun, I really don't think they meant harm.

Keep your head up, remember its okay to hurt and grieve, go do some "you" stuff. **hugs**

Im so sorry for your loss, my heart is with you.


People dont mean to sound like idiots and say hurtful things. At the darkest times people just dont know what to say, I really wish they wouldnt say anything at all.


My worst comment that I heard numerous times while my infant was in chemotherapy was "At least hes just a baby and he wont remember it"
Yay.....all better now, thanks smurf.


Take care mama

sorry you had to deal with those stupid remarks. How far along were you, since this was your first visit? did they do an ultrasound?

Oh, I am incredibly sorry. ): I lost my first pregnancy at 6 weeks and my mother-in-law said something similar. She was very cheery and exclaimed 'Well, at least it wasn't a real baby so there's nothing to be sad about!' I was so offended and hurt but I honestly think people who say that truly believe stuff like that is comforting, somehow. ):

I sincerely hope you can feel happier with time, on your own schedule. My miscarriage was 3 years ago and even though I still think of it, I feel okay now with what happened, at least to some extent.

Best of luck and try your best to ignore ignorant comments.

Quoting emmygog[Felix's Mommy]:" Oh, I am incredibly sorry. ): I lost my first pregnancy at 6 weeks and my mother-in-law said something ... [snip!] ... it, I feel okay now with what happened, at least to some extent. Best of luck and try your best to ignore ignorant comments."

wow if my mother in law ever said that to me I would be so pissed! You just dont say those kinds of things. I believe that once you are pregnant it is a baby so it means something.

They said I was aprox. 9 weeks, I blame myself because I just took the test over the weekend, because I wasn't at all expecting being pregnant and didn't notice I missed AF last month. Maybe if I would have been more attentive I could have done something to stop this from happening

Quoting Nessa Grace:" They said I was aprox. 9 weeks, I blame myself because I just took the test over the weekend, because ... [snip!] ... I missed AF last month. Maybe if I would have been more attentive I could have done something to stop this from happening"

Miscarriages generally happen because something went wrong during the cell division process. That is nothing that you can control. Knowing doesn't make it any less or more likely. You can blame yourself all you want, but there's no point. No one will ever know what happened, but chances are, it has nothing to do with anything you did.

I am so sorry. I know how it hurts when people say stupid things. When I was pregnant with twins and lost one of them at 11 weeks I had people say " at least you still have one left" , "well you were only trying for one " , "at least you got pregnant so women can't " and more horrible things. I know it hurts but it will get better over time.

Quoting *mommy kelsey*5 weeks:" wow if my mother in law ever said that to me I would be so pissed! You just dont say those kinds of things. I believe that once you are pregnant it is a baby so it means something."

Yeah, I was really hurt by it. ): Both her pregnancies went off without a hitch so she has no idea what it's like to have one go wrong. She had called me up the day after I miscarried, asking if I'd clean her house if she gave me some money for it (I used to be a maid). I let her know what happened because the doctor didn't want me doing anything strenuous for a couple weeks. I wish I had just lied and said something else but I didn't want her to think I was just lazy or didn't want to help out so I told her about everything. I nearly cried just talking about it and her saying THAT didn't help at all. I think most people who found out felt like she did about it, though. All I heard was 'Well, it wasn't time now' or 'Well, good thing it happened now instead of later, right?' Ugh. People. :/

I'm so sorry for your loss  


Some people are just so insensative who obviously haven't lost a baby & don't know the pain & heartache your going through. The people who know what your going through you get lots of love & support off them but that's just my opinion.

After I had my m/c a gaeney dr turned round to me & said I was due to have a m/c because i've got 3 healthy children, omg I was so angry with her but I sat there quiet fighting back the tears. No one deserves to lose there much wanted unborn child  

I'm so sorry for your loss.
Last week I delivered my 15 week baby after finding out she had no heartbeat. I feel your pain if you ever need to talk, please PM me!

That said, people do say nasty comments. Many times they THINK they are being helpful when they have no idea what to say, and the wrong thing comes out.
When I told my SIL I didnt know if I wanted to get pregnant again, she said "oh dont worry I felt like that after having my first too, you'll get over it."
She had a healthy 8 pound baby, which is nothing like losing your child.
People will tell you in a few months, you will get over it. That little baby is a part of you forever, you shouldnt get over it. The pain should just get easier.