Quoting ✰ Mrs. B ✰:" <blockquote><b>Quoting K. P. Walsh:</b>" See, I'm weary of alcohol to begin with.. ... [snip!] ... to be with her & his family & how to handle situations with them if/when they clearly act out & go against his boundaries."
Totally agree with you.
She's been this way all his life. She didn't really raise him, or any of her other children. She kind of just gave birth and said here ya go, there's the world.
He gets so sick of her nonsense, too, but I feel like he's still a little boy who just wants his mama to care. She's always let him down. He said he's just not going to call her anymore, but always seems to end up doing it. I don't ever tell he can't or shouldn't, because that's his mother, but I have pointed out that EVERY time he talks to her, she makes comments that degrade us and our relationship. She's trying to drive a wedge between us.
He knows she's an alcoholic, and says that's why she said what she said about me. But to me, that's not acceptable. I think he just wants her so badly to change, but he, himself, says quite often that she never will.
He tells me all the time he believes she's jealous. I don't think it's me, I think she would be doing this to whomever he was with. I don't think she'd like any woman. I don't drink, just an occasional glass of wine, I don't party, and I don't believe in being friends with your children (partying, smoking, doing drugs with them, flaunting your sex life in front of them, leaving them to their own devices) and then expecting them to respect you will ever work, which is what she's done to him and her other children their whole life. It's hard for him to respect her even now, or especially now that he has his own. I mean, our parenting style vs hers (or lack thereof) is so night and day that it's hard for her to understand WHY it's not acceptable to let children down, and why what she does can't be tolerated if she wants a relationship at all.. I tried keeping her at an arm's length, and that was okay for a while, but then she drops these bombs that are hard to ignore. I can't be inauthentic or phony. I just can't.
Because I love him so much, I feel very protective of him. I feel like she treats him so badly and really messed him up and it's hard to NOT hold it against her, but I know I shouldn't. It took him years to just trust me because his only female role model wasn't an example. He watched her lie and cheat on his father, get pregnant with 3 other mens' children. So.. I feel protective of him because as a mother myself, I'm appalled.
He gets to angry and stands up for me, yet he still fully expects her to be a mother, but knows full well she'll never act like one. I think he just accepts that she's that way.
I just can't handle the way she puts on a smile, says one thing, then gets drunk and turns around and says horrible, nasty things.
In a perfect world, I'd like him to stand his ground and not allow anyone to disrespect us as a couple and while I know he sees her true colors, I'm not sure he thinks things will or ever will be different.
I'm not sure any of that made any sense. I'm sorry.
I just can't do it.
Sorry that was so long. I needed to vent.