Crushed.. Long vent

BD and I came up with the agreement that he would have DD and DS every other weekend and that I would get them back on Sundays. We have been separated now for just over a month, and he is/was constantly trying to change the agreement. I always told him that I had no problem with him coming over during the week to see the kids just as long as he gives me prior notice to make sure I didn't have previous plans with them else where. He occasionally got an extra night or two with them, but he was still wanting more time. We live about an hour away from each other, and I just don't feel that 50/50 custody is right. I mean he is by no means an unfit father.. He just wasn't there when he was around. But he got the kids when I brought them to him for DD's practice. He was supposed to bring them back to me today. But when I tried contacting him on when he was going to head this way, he all of a sudden has vehicle issues and can't make it. So I got livid and told him I was on my way. When I got there he wanted to have the discussion on having more time with them again. Saying that he has every right to have them just as much as I do. I don't believe it, because I was always the one doing everything for the kids on my own... But I guess it's just my selfishness sinking in again... None the less I tried telling him I was trying to give him more time, but me going from having them 24/7 365 days a year to every other week just didn't seem fair. But I was trying to work up to it. I was trying to work up to it by still sending them over every other week but instead of from Friday to Sunday we would alternate between Thursday to Sunday to Thursday to Monday. After me telling him that he couldn't have them for the remainder of the week, he then told me to leave his house without the kids and if I didn't he was going to call the cops on me. He literally tore my world out from under me and made my worst fear with this separation come true. The only way I could fix it is to give him what he wanted and let him have the kids every other week. I just have this feeling that he is going to do this to me every time I go to get them until he has them all the time.

#1 you scare too easily. There's no reason to call the cops and they wouldn't do anything.

#2 it doesn't make sense that you're pissed he didn't do anything, when he's asking to do more with/for his children. How would you feel if he was the one who thought he had the power? Kind of like how he just turned the tables on you.

#3 go to court for custody. That way it's enforced by a higher law, and not just you.

#4 he's right. He has just as much rights to his children as you do.

#5 this isn't about what you don't think he deserves be sues of your past marriage. It's about what's best for your kids, and that's 2 parents that want to see them all the time.

I think you need to take him to court. Get it on paper so that he can't pull that again!

Smurf that, you need to get a custody agreement established.
He cannot withhold your children from you as a show of power, and he cannot use your babies as pawns to manipulate situations like that.
Get the family court system involved. They can objectively decide what is fair and healthy for everyone. It needs to be on paper.

ETA: It's good that he wants more time with his kids. But he can't go about it that way.

<blockquote><b>Quoting VeggieBurglar:</b>" Smurf that, you need to get a custody agreement established. He cannot withhold your children from you ... [snip!] ... the family court system involved. They can objectively decide what is fair and healthy for everyone. It needs to be on paper."</blockquote>




Devils advocate here.

She's using her kids as a pawn to establish her power.

Quoting Red Bottom:" #1 you scare too easily. There's no reason to call the cops and they wouldn't do anything. #2 it doesn't ... [snip!] ... be sues of your past marriage. It's about what's best for your kids, and that's 2 parents that want to see them all the time."

THIS.

Quoting Red Bottom:" #1 you scare too easily. There's no reason to call the cops and they wouldn't do anything. #2 it doesn't ... [snip!] ... be sues of your past marriage. It's about what's best for your kids, and that's 2 parents that want to see them all the time."

This.
I'm sure it would kill me to be away from my kids and that's one of the worst things about the idea of getting a divorce to me but they're his kids too and he has just as much right to them as you do . I'd be going to court if you think he deserves any less than 50/50.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting VeggieBurglar:</b>" Smurf that, you need to get a custody agreement ... [snip!] ... It needs to be on paper."</blockquote> Devils advocate here. She's using her kids as a pawn to establish her power."</blockquote>




Ummm not quite... obviously you have no clue of her situation. therefore have no clue how she is feeling. get a grip.

Quoting Reagan's Mom ♥:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting VeggieBurglar:</b>" ... [snip!] ... Ummm not quite... obviously you have no clue of her situation. therefore have no clue how she is feeling. get a grip."

Well, you're right there. I have no clue of her situation. My post was 100% based off this one and this one only.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Reagan's Mom ♥:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting VeggieBurglar:</b>" ... [snip!] ... Ummm not quite... obviously you have no clue of her situation. therefore have no clue how she is feeling. get a grip."</blockquote>




They have equal rights. Yet she's pretending to have the power to dictate when he sees his children.

Case in point.

Quoting Red Bottom:" <blockquote><b>Quoting VeggieBurglar:</b>" Smurf that, you need to get a custody agreement ... [snip!] ... It needs to be on paper."</blockquote> Devils advocate here. She's using her kids as a pawn to establish her power."

Hmm. I have no idea what the situation is with OP and her ex. But I do think that no parent should keep children from another. Parents who separate should be mature enough to come to an agreement and stick to it, you know?
All I know is that if my SO and I split and he tried to keep my LO from me, I would FLIIIIIPPPP.

<blockquote><b>Quoting VeggieBurglar:</b>" Hmm. I have no idea what the situation is with OP and her ex. But I do think that no parent should keep ... [snip!] ... and stick to it, you know? All I know is that if my SO and I split and he tried to keep my LO from me, I would FLIIIIIPPPP."</blockquote>




Kind of like she's trying to keep his kids from him?

Quoting Red Bottom:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Reagan's Mom ♥:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting ... [snip!] ... They have equal rights. Yet she's pretending to have the power to dictate when he sees his children. Case in point."

*slowly backing out of this thread*
lol.

Quoting Red Bottom:" <blockquote><b>Quoting VeggieBurglar:</b>" Hmm. I have no idea what the situation ... [snip!] ... tried to keep my LO from me, I would FLIIIIIPPPP."</blockquote> Kind of like she's trying to keep his kids from him?"

Dude I have no idea what is going on prior to this post

I didn't read the whole thing, or the other responses, so mine is only about the part where he wants to spend more time with his kids.

I understand that it's hard for you to give him more time, I'd have a hard time with that too. But at the same time, you need to work with him more to decide how much time he'll get them. LO's dad only wants her every other weekend, and has NOT ONCE in 2 years asked to see her outside of those weekends.

I know he probably went about all that wrong, so I agree you definitely need to go to court and get some sort of agreement, but you really need to work with him. If he's willing to see them more, and is trustworthy, then he needs to get that time.