Quoting StinkyPossumLover!:" Just seeing that the first 2 replies to my story are so similar to mine... it is breaking my heart. I ... [snip!] ... are relating-- for me, it was shameful to admit that I did these things when I was 13/14... but I see now that I was a VICTIM. "
the part that makes me sickest...is I tried to make it feel right by trying to make a relationship with this man. I would go to his house (when we got back from vacation) every morning, have sex with him and go about our day. He was close friends with my BFFs brother (unknown to me at the time) my best friend took me to his house one night ( I think she knew what she was doing cause shes amazing) and he was there with a bunch of his friends....and his 20 year old girlfriend. I felt so embarrassed and ashamed. Thats when I stopped it. Eventually the whole small town found out, including my mother.
I think you can start by writing your letters. Writing it out helps, and maybe when you're done you wont feel the need to send them, just writing it and getting it out will be good enough. Maybe you can take them to a great spot, say goodbye to your past, burn them and promise yourself to never forget, but to move on and make this experience your past -ITS NOT WHO YOU ARE!.
As far as dealing with it for me, I am almost 35 now, it was a long long time ago.I have a man who loves and respects me, a wonderful son and a new baby on the way. What happen in my past does not define me, who I am everyday defines me.
And I will never never turn a blind eye to my kids or be the parent that thinks "it wont happen to me".
The day after he raped me my mom found my underwear and they had a bit of blood from my hymen breaking. She asked why I was bleeding as she knew it wasnt my time of the month, I shrugged it off and she never thought further into it, if she had...the abuse and disgusting behaviour never would of continued.