porn

5 months ago i found a bunch of porn on my fiance's fb. He said he had a problem and thats why we rarely had sex. It ruined my trust for him and ended our engagement. He promised he would stop. 2 wks ago i found sexual texts in his phone with another girl and they were supposed to meet. He denied it and said his friend used his phone to text that girl. I dont really believe him. so after that i startted going through his web history on his google account and youtube account. I found porn everywhere. He promised again that he'd stop and he'll do anything to keep our family together and even swore on our kids' lives. Tonight he tryed talkin to me again and said he hasnt been looking at porn since i found out. so i went through his phone and found smurfbuddymobile.com (he created this account yrs b4 we met and i checked it out he has been on it probably to look at pics but he denies it. i couldnt find any conversations tho so thats good) and also found more porn on his other youtube account viewed almost everyday this past wk. he denied it at 1st then said not all of that activity was him (BS) but some was. he doesnt think he lied to me becase he says boob videos arent porn. its all the same! i think this is disgusting and he shouldnt need any porn when hes got me. i send him pics of myself that he just deletes. it makes me feel like im not good enough and that he needs something more/better. to me, porn is cheating. he is looking and pleasuring hiimself to other women. and im so sick of the lying! i just dont know what to do!

Counseling? As much as we may not "get it," porn can be as much of an addiction as alcohol or drugs... clearly, he cannot stop on his own and needs professional help. If he actually has any interest in keeping his family together, he will agree to this without question. Hopefully his employer has some sort of program in place to help with that (most do, you get 3 or 4 free counseling sessions or something like that).

This was my husband and I about 3 years ago before we were married. He did the same smurf to me. He initially lied about it for about two years straight and since I didn't have any reason to not trust him I tried not to but I pushed a little bit and a little more when ever I felt like bringing it up until it came out. Then he said he would stop but he didn't so he said he would stop again but he didn't.
Bottom line is it is an addiction for some men and you need to give him an ultimatum. Mine was get your smurf together or I am gone. The thing is for me it wasn't even about the porn, it was about the fact he felt the need to constantly lie to me about it and I figured if he lied about that what else was he lying about?
He got help and hasn't watched porn in almost 2 years now. He did have like two relapses but he admitted it both times.

I don't view porn the same way that you do. Viewing porn isn't cheating, IMO.

My husband looks at porn, I look at porn, it's okay in our relationship. The only time it wouldn't be okay in our relationship is if he was choosing porn over me.

If porn isn't something that you're willing to okay and your SO isn't willing to seek help or change then that is what I'd consider a deal breaker in the relationship.

Quoting Mrs.Mud:" Counseling? As much as we may not "get it," porn can be as much of an addiction as alcohol or drugs... ... [snip!] ... has some sort of program in place to help with that (most do, you get 3 or 4 free counseling sessions or something like that)."

if i stay with him i was thinking about couples counceling and/or his own. he said 5 months ago and recently that he would get help but he hasnt done anything. so it seems hes not ready. and i shouldnt have to take care of everything i think its something hed need to step up and do. i made an appointment for myself to help deal with all this.

I would say leave him. Not for the porn itself, but he's also inappropriately talking to other women   No way could I just ignore that. Not to mention he is clearly a smurfing liar.

i am sick of the lying and denying even after hes caught. everybody has different outlooks on porn. he says its just a guy thing. i think its unneccessary when in a relationship except if its watched together. im so against him looking at it because it was/is affecting out sex life, which i had tried to talk to him and improve before i found out why and he never admitted to what he was doing.

i feel very hurt and betrayed. trust is gone. almost all feelings for him are gone. i dont know what to do. i dont know if trust and love will come back with work. i cant believe anything he says anymore and he doesnt understand. ive been shutting him out and he says i have communication problems. he knows how hurt i am but i just dont know what to say to him.

Quoting Lindsay1591:" i am sick of the lying and denying even after hes caught. everybody has different outlooks on porn. he ... [snip!] ... out sex life, which i had tried to talk to him and improve before i found out why and he never admitted to what he was doing."

Well if he isn't willing to own up to looking at porn then I wouldn't imagine that he is willing to seek help to fix your relationship. There is no sense in continuing a relationship without honesty, IMO.

As far as him talking to another woman that is a no brainer to me, I'd leave.

Quoting £egendary £ex:" I would say leave him. Not for the porn itself, but he's also inappropriately talking to other women   No way could I just ignore that. Not to mention he is clearly a smurfing liar."

AGREED.
I don't have a problem with porn,because i'll be the first person to admit I watch it. Porn does cause problems if it affects your sex life though. Leave that guy,you'll be better off!
ETA: Shows how much I read,was the porn on his fb from random girls? Id be pissed about that.