I can't get my boyfriend more interested in me and his baby

Okay, so I am at my absolute wit's end. When I first found out I was pregnant, my boyfriend and i hadn't been dating long at ALL. Maybe a month, this was definitely an accident baby, but I call it my miracle<3

HOWEVER, before I got pregnant, my boyfriend and I drank together regularly, obviously now I'm not doing that now. Being 17 weeks preg. now ALL WE DO IS FIGHT when we're together. It's almost ALWAYS when he's drunk, or because of something he did when he was drunk. He gets drunk every night. He's already told me he's not ever gonna quit drinking, and it shows that he has no interest in quitting.

So, he gets drunk most nights, and has a couple of different personalities that come out.
A) He gets SUSPICIOUS and thinks I'm cheating on him. I've never cheated on any man i've dated, including him, but he will go through ALL of my stuff. Messages, phone calls, facebook, EVERYTHING and question me. We obviously end up fighting because after being questioned for an hour when I've done nothing wrong I start to get really irritated.

B) He gets violent. Many times he gets drunk, and wants something from me. Usually to drive my car somewhere [ BIG NO ] or taake my money to buy cigarettes or something. I personally think he needs to get his own damn job to do these things for himself, so i say no. Then he gets violent with me. One time he grabbed my ponytail on the back of my head and threw me into a bank of snow when I was about 10 weeks pregnant.

and C) He calls me names over everything. He calls me things like smurf, stupid bitch, retard, etc. Given, he calls me these things when he's not drunk sometimes.

No matter what I do he blames our fighting on me. He says that I talk so much crap that it causes us to fight. I am so TIRED of this! When he's sober, we usually get along GREAT! But as soon as he starts drinking he makes a total change! What do I do!!!!

Uhhh. Leave? Hes no good & probably has no intention of being any good. Wash your hands with him. You said yourself he is violent, why wpuld you want your child around someone like that? You can't change someone who doesn't wanna be changed.

Sweetie you have never dated "men" you've dated "boys". I know you are very young but you need to get out of that relationship. It's better to have your parents separated versus yelling, screaming, disrespecting and physically threatening one another. He obviously doesn't really care about you or he wouldn't treat you like that. So you need to leave for now. Maybe when he has matured then you two can resume a relationship.

I think the only reason I haven't left is because I grew up without my father, and have this guilt over my head that it has to be different for my baby. I keep hoping he will change and be better, but what everyone keeps telling me is right, and I can't wait around for that.

Do you not think you deserve better than that?

I assume you find this kind of behavior acceptable because you haven't left yet and that's just depressing, especially considering you're pregnant. If you won't leave for yourself at least do it for your child. If he's violent you should leave as soon as possible, no ifs, ands, or buts. This guy doesn't even sound like he has redeeming qualities and if he does they can't nearly make up for all of the terrible things he's doing. There's no reason you should stay with someone who is downright abusive.

Leave, Seriously. Especially when he threw you in the snow by your hair is when I would have been done. WTF? A good man does NOT do that. Any of that. He sounds very childish,immature, and very mean. You def deserve better and it will continue as long as you allow it.

Quoting Morgan Sanders:" I think the only reason I haven't left is because I grew up without my father, and have this guilt over ... [snip!] ... I keep hoping he will change and be better, but what everyone keeps telling me is right, and I can't wait around for that."

A child would rather be from a broken home than live in one.

Quoting Nathaniel'sMom:" Sweetie you have never dated "men" you've dated "boys". I know you are very young but you need to get ... [snip!] ... wouldn't treat you like that. So you need to leave for now. Maybe when he has matured then you two can resume a relationship."

This, ALL of THIS! ^

Quoting Morgan Sanders:" I think the only reason I haven't left is because I grew up without my father, and have this guilt over ... [snip!] ... I keep hoping he will change and be better, but what everyone keeps telling me is right, and I can't wait around for that."

And come on, do you think a guy like that should be a father figure for your child? Hell no. Chances are he'll abuse the child too. If he's willing to grab your hair and whip you to the ground he's willing to do just about anything.

Get out, get settled, have your baby, and find yourself. Eventually you'll meet a man who's worth your time and could possibly serve as a legitimate father figure for your child. Don't focus on the last part though... Focus on getting out right now. It could be a life saving decision. What if he throws you down one more time and you have a miscarriage? Or worse...

You really need to leave. You know it, we know, people you know know it... What's holding you back? Being alone? Being alone is much better than this smurf, I promise you.

Quoting Derp:" And come on, do you think a guy like that should be a father figure for your child? Hell no. Chances ... [snip!] ... people you know know it... What's holding you back? Being alone? Being alone is much better than this smurf, I promise you."

Very well said!

Wow it sounds like he was your drinking buddy and then you started hooking up and now your having a baby and all he really is, is an old drinking buddy.

I don't want to sound harsh but if you stay with him you are just putting your baby in harms way. They baby could get hurt by his violence or his drinking. You need to leave him. you will find someone who makes you very happy.

This baby really needs somthing better than what you described for a family. You are the one who needs to choose that for your baby.

I'm scared to leave because this is my first baby, and I'm very young and to be quite honest I'm scared absolutely smurfless, and don't want to experience this alone. I've always had this perfect fairytale in my head of when I got pregnant that the father would just adore me and hold my belly and rub my back and love me, and instead I'm basically taking care of a toddler, the way he gets drunk and makes messes/ falls asleep all over the place! I have to get this fairytale out of my head and accept he's not going to change.

so you guys have only been together for what? 6 months max?..I wouldn't stay. You guys don't sound like you're in a committed relationship, you sound like you're trying and he sounds like he could care less and is waiting for you to break up with him...staying together out of love is the only reason to be with someone especially if you're involving a baby. I'd cut my losses with that relationship and start planning a future around you and this baby.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Morgan Sanders:</b>" I'm scared to leave because this is my first baby, and I'm very young and to be quite honest I'm scared ... [snip!] ... messes/ falls asleep all over the place! I have to get this fairytale out of my head and accept he's not going to change. "</blockquote>




Yes you do need to accept he's not going to change and you need to leave. You will be much happier and so will your Lo once he/she arrives. Time to put on your big girl panties and and make adult decisions.

Quoting Morgan Sanders:" I'm scared to leave because this is my first baby, and I'm very young and to be quite honest I'm scared ... [snip!] ... messes/ falls asleep all over the place! I have to get this fairytale out of my head and accept he's not going to change. "

Um its too late for all that. You know what a lot of guys act weird when their partner is pregnant. I had the same dream and my SO would never touch my belly. It made him all freaked out. We were in out 30's and planned it and he still acted weird.

So life just dose not go how you expect it. That IS life.

I know you don't want to be alone but,it sounds like you already are   He is not helping you, he is causing you stress. And being very stressed during a pregnancy is not good for the baby.

Break it off and build a support system with family or friends or other teen moms but not with him. Just file for child support from him. They have all sorts of "support" groups for new moms.

Or accept that he is an alcoholic who dose not want to change and lean how to be ok with that.

When that baby gets here it will mean so much to you that you will do anything for it.