Our friend passed away unexpectedly, what do I say to my son

One of our friends passed away last night. I don't know the circumstances or anything yet, but he was the perfect dad and just a good guy. He was the dad of my son's best friend and they go to the same daycare. I just found out when I dropped off my son and had to stay and watch the kids for a while because the daycare lady was so distraught .

I am in so much shock, I can't figure out what to tell my son (he is 4). He is very empathetic and I know he will be very worried about his friend's sorrow. I cannot stop thinking about their family and my son's friend who will grow up without his dad. The mom's family lives around here at least, so I feel better knowing she has a strong family with that kind of support, but its so awful to comprehend right now.

Any thoughts on how to explain this to my son? We are not church going people, but I believe they are.

Tell him the truth, my daughter is 4 and she understands death as much as she can. I say always tell the truth (sparing unnecessary scary details) try to speak as calmly and as positively as possible.

I'm so sorry for your loss hun.   I hope someone can help you out with this. That's a rough one.

Quoting TantricLemons:" Tell him the truth, my daughter is 4 and she understands death as much as she can. I say always tell the truth (sparing unnecessary scary details) try to speak as calmly and as positively as possible."

This. Just be honest and answer any questions they have. Its amazing what kids can actually understand.

My dd has dealt with a lot of death. I just tell her they went to heaven. Then answer questions from there. Don't give too much info upfront. Just kind of gauge where they go with it. Theres no right or wrong way to do it. My dd asked a lot of questions when my cousin died. She wanted to know how. Where she went. Why we can't see her anymore. It's been almost a year and shell randomly tell me she misses her. Then our family friend recently died and she drew her a picture of her as an angel. It was sweet. We do the funeral thing with her and don't try to shelter her and just explain that someday we will all die that's why we have to love each other while we have them.

Thank you so much for the replies. I think he understands death as much as a 4 year old can. He talks a lot about great grandmas who have died, but I'm struggling with this one since he was my age. I think I will wait until I know more of the details about what happened.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Ethan F's mama:</b>" Thank you so much for the replies. I think he understands death as much as a 4 year old can. He talks ... [snip!] ... I'm struggling with this one since he was my age. I think I will wait until I know more of the details about what happened. "</blockquote>

I don't think kids see age as a factor. They dont see death as something for only the old like we do.