Never Forgotten

I thought once I had my baby girl in my arms the pain of losing my first to a miscarriage would fade. I was mistaken. In November 2011 I found out I was pregnant for the first time. Just as soon as I found out and became excited about having a baby I miscarried. I have never know such pain as the day I realized I was losing my baby.

When I found out in May 2012 I was pregnant again I couldn't be happy. I was so afraid of losing her I just couldn't experience the joy I had with my first one. Now that she is here I love her more than anything but the pain of losing the first still lingers. Just yesterday I was in the car when a song came on the radio. "Go Rest High on that Mountain" a song I listened to the day I lost my baby. I couldn't even look at Alexis, I just sat there crying for the one I lost. I couldn't even talk to SO about it, even know he had lost the baby just as much as I had.

Anyway, I just needed to get it out of my system for now. I don't want the pain of losing one baby to effect the way I love my daughter.

I'm so sorry for your loss.  

I haven't had my baby yet, but I think about it, too. I lost my first at 11wks last Sept. I find that this time around, I miss the wonder & excitement I had with the first pregnancy.... and I'm left with anxiety & worry.

A friend of mine back home is due a couple weeks after I was due with my angelbaby. When she posts that she only has XX wks left or posts pics of clothes she bought or scans she's had... it just makes me feel the loss more. It really is mixed feelings b/c as sad as I am for my loss, I know this baby wouldn't be here if I'd still been pregnant... and I already love this new baby. So, I just try to tell myself that this truly was meant to be this way.. this was God's plan for us. And perhaps this baby is lucky to have a sweet guardian angelbaby watching over from Heaven

Bless you & your rainbow baby (baby after a loss) and your guardian angelbaby above <3

My caught was stillborn in November 2010 and not long after that I was pregnant again. I was terrified the whole pregnancy. But now my son is 1 and I look at him as a blessing. I will never forget about my daughter I think about her and what happened all the time and I still cry over it sometimes. It's ok that u feel that way. I look at my son sometimes and can't help but wish she could be here playing with her little brother. I'm sorry for your loss.

Hi hun im so sorry for your loss. I lost 6 babies before i managed to have my 2 beautiful boys and the pain will never go away. It will get easier but u never forget! It sounds like u may have a bit of depression too which i also suffered (its understandable) so i would talk to ur midwife or health visitor and maybe ur other half about how u are feeling. They can help u through it, Just look at ur beautiful little girl and spend time watching her sleep or looking at her face and expressions. It may not help u but it did for me and i bonded with them extra specially. Ill never forget my angel babies but im thankful for having my precious little men who wouldnt be here otherwise. I hope this helps u even a little bit. Chin up and congratulations mummy xxxx

Quoting Daesey:" I haven't had my baby yet, but I think about it, too. I lost my first at 11wks last Sept. I find that ... [snip!] ... watching over from Heaven Bless you & your rainbow baby (baby after a loss) and your guardian angelbaby above <3"

I know how u feel. My sister had the same due date as me when I was pregnant with my angel baby. When she had my niece i held her the day she was born and maybe once or twice after that. It was too hard for me. All i could think was that my baby should be here too.

Quoting Cnkeyue1089:" I know how u feel. My sister had the same due date as me when I was pregnant with my angel baby. When ... [snip!] ... she was born and maybe once or twice after that. It was too hard for me. All i could think was that my baby should be here too."

I'm sorry for your loss, too.  

I had a chemical pregnancy about 15 yrs ago (I don't count it in my number of losses... I don't know why, but I just prefer not to go there). I found out a couple of days before I lost, so I wasn't emotionally invested, per se, but it was the aftermath that was hard. The "what ifs." I never told anyone about it, not even my boyfriend at the time. My cousin got pregnant around the same time. She didn't even want the baby. When the baby was born, I found it really hard to hold her or bond with her. Then, at 3wks old, her mom left her with me for the night. I just sat in the rocking chair most of the time, in the dark, singing her songs and crying for my "what if baby." A week later, my cousin left her with my mom & I moved back home to help raise her for the next 7 yrs (until her mom decided she suddenly wanted her & fought for custody). Long, horrible story. But, today, this sweet girl is 15 and just a lovely person. And I feel like I got my chance to help raise her to be that person. It was therapeutic for getting through that loss.

Quoting Daesey:" I'm sorry for your loss, too.   I had a chemical pregnancy about 15 yrs ago (I don't count it in my ... [snip!] ... person. And I feel like I got my chance to help raise her to be that person. It was therapeutic for getting through that loss."

That's really a touching story.

Quoting Stacey Pilgrim:" Hi hun im so sorry for your loss. I lost 6 babies before i managed to have my 2 beautiful boys and the ... [snip!] ... little men who wouldnt be here otherwise. I hope this helps u even a little bit. Chin up and congratulations mummy xxxx"

I do suffer from depression, have for many years. But I do go to counseling for it too. I have talked to my midwife, my counselor, and my Help Me Grow Representative. I have been concerned about PPD from the beginning of my pregnancy up until now. I have asked them, along with SO, and my family to watch me for signs of PPD. The only thing I don't do is take medication. I feel my depression stems from life experiences and there is no medication that cures you life's problem.

Thanks for your advice and I am so sorry about your loss.

Same here hun, i never suffered Post natal depression either and have suffered depression for quite a few years. Anti-depressants helped me for a while then i had to stop taking them when i fell preg with my 1st as i didnt want to take anything cos of the baby. After i was fine then fell back into depression and the tablets just dont help anymore so i stopped taking them a year ago and refuse to go back on them. The good thing is that you have support if you need it. I hope you feel better soon, its horrible to feel so low and alone even when there are people around you. It will get better... xxx