Screaming Bloody Murder UGH

UGH....Have your kids had HORRIBLE tantrums etc, for extended periods of time, then stopped for a while, like weeks or months, then started up all over again, and worse than before? This stuff is getting old....DD is going to be 4 on Monday, I thought we were over this bloody-murder-throwing&breaking-things-incredible-hulk stuff, but I guess not, because she's come back in full force and worse than before. LOL Driving me nuts! Kids    

No, once DD got started, she never stopped.   Everyday, all day. We call them Full Chernobyl Meltdowns. Idk what to do with her either, ignoring her doesn't work, redirecting her doesn't work, nothing works once she gets started. You just get out of the way. Drives me up the wall.

Quoting Derpy the Duck:" No, once DD got started, she never stopped.   Everyday, all day. We call them Full Chernobyl Meltdowns. ... [snip!] ... work, redirecting her doesn't work, nothing works once she gets started. You just get out of the way. Drives me up the wall. "

Find out what she needs and help her meet that need? that she has no reason to scream  

OP i know boys have a massive hormone surge at age 4 and it seems common for girls to have emotional issues at this age too.

Quoting Mama*AtoZ:" Find out what she needs and help her meet that need? that she has no reason to scream   OP i know ... [snip!] ... OP i know boys have a massive hormone surge at age 4 and it seems common for girls to have emotional issues at this age too."

If only it were that simple, she really has no reason to scream. I try my level best to stay a step ahead of her but it doesn't make a difference. She just goes off like a rocket for no reason all the time, the tiniest thing doesn't go the way she thinks it should and her world falls apart. Sometimes I don't even know why she's going off. I'm constantly asking her what it is she needs/wants and it's a no go, 9 times out of 10 it just makes matters worse. I've tried to teach her better ways to direct her anger and to use her words because once she gets going she's literally incoherent. She just doesn't seem to get the concept, despite trying to get on her level about it. As I said before, ignoring and redirection, the general consensus for dealing with tantrums really doesn't work. At this point I just try to stay consistent in telling her to use her words, trying to distract her or trying to decipher what's wrong. Otherwise, I just stay out of the way. If you lived with her, you'd see that really is all you can do. I hate that she gets so upset and I can't help her. I've been considering the idea that there may be something else going on with her.

Quoting Derpy the Duck:" If only it were that simple, she really has no reason to scream. I try my level best to stay a step ahead ... [snip!] ... she gets so upset and I can't help her. I've been considering the idea that there may be something else going on with her. "

Maybe there is?

When kids are used to being ignored or punished for a neurological/emotional reaction (which is what tantrums are) it can mean they don't have the ability to be self aware to know what is wrong nor how to meet those needs. Some also tantrum over 'little' things all the time as a way to release tension or to meet larger unmet needs e.g. if they have an underlying bad feeling about being left to CIO or being controlled/bossed around or not getting emotional connection from their primary attachment figure then can use any 'excuse' just to tantrum and try and get that need met. It isn't always something obvious like "they feel disappointed about not getting the food they want".

Maybe break down each thing that sets her off?

I really hate that ignoring and redirection are sold to everyone as good parenting, they are so detrimental on a child's emotional development and completely deprive them of intrinsic motivation and the skills to meet their needs. Redirecting is usually used as a distraction, so their needs aren't being acknowledged at all let alone being supported and taught how to deal with them appropriately. Ignoring is even worse. Tantrums are an expression of overwhelming emotion where the brain is flooded with stress hormones. The areas for self regulation and logic are unable to operate under those conditions. Little kids need understanding and empathy and support to navigate through such big feelings when they're out of control. They can only be trained to suppress them if they're ignored, but not how to accept and deal with them   I hate all the books and shows that advocate that nonsense and it's all over the place too :@ I guess our own parents mostly brought us up with the same crap so it's even harder to do things differently.

Quoting Mama*AtoZ:" Maybe there is? When kids are used to being ignored or punished for a neurological/emotional reaction ... [snip!] ... the place too :@ I guess our own parents mostly brought us up with the same crap so it's even harder to do things differently. "

I have never once punished her for throwing a tantrum, while I am guilty of ignoring them in the past I realized very quickly that it wasn't going to work with her. I don't practice CIO, I think it's cruel. Nor do I "boss her around." I correct her if I see the need but for the most part so long as she isn't in danger of hurting herself or someone else, physically or emotionally, I let her do her own thing. I'm also certain she's getting her emotional needs met by me as well. I do try to redirect her, not to excuse away what's bothering her, but to redirect her anger. Instead of hitting/biting herself or usually me , hit/bite a pillow. Things of that nature. At this point, yes I do try to distract her. Rather that than let her hurt herself. If I do manage to distract her, which is very rare, once she's calmed down I ask her what the issue was. I suppose you missed the part where I said I try to stay a step ahead of her, meaning, I have broken down the things that set her off and do my best to avoid those things. The problem comes when she can't tell me what's wrong because it seems like she doesn't really know herself. Some of the things that set her off wouldn't phase other children at all. For instance, just today she threw a violent tantrum because her book "felt funny." Mind you, she's "read" this same book a hundred times before and it's never been an issue until today. It basically went like this, "Mommy, my book feels funny." "What do you mean? It feels the same as it always does to me." BOOM tantrum. This type of stuff happens all the time. Sometimes she'll be playing happily and all of a sudden pitch a fit. No warning, nothing bothering her. Just screaming to be screaming it seems like. My point in telling you all of this is, if you're insinuating I'm the problem because I'm not meeting my child's needs somehow, you're very sadly mistaken. I've spoken to her pedi and not that I need to defend myself further, but you might be surprised to know he thinks she might be at risk for autism. I've asked him to test her for Sensory Processing Disorder before we evaluate further for autism because it seems to me like a better fit based on the endless hours of research I've been and still am doing. SPD is sometimes misdiagnosed for autism and I want it ruled out first. The tantrums are NOT the only thing that concerns me.

You'll forgive me if I make light of a heavy situation as it helps me have more patience with her. Something she clearly needs plenty of.