Quoting Mama*AtoZ:" Maybe there is? When kids are used to being ignored or punished for a neurological/emotional reaction ... [snip!] ... the place too :@ I guess our own parents mostly brought us up with the same crap so it's even harder to do things differently. "
I have never once punished her for throwing a tantrum, while I am guilty of ignoring them in the past I realized very quickly that it wasn't going to work with her. I don't practice CIO, I think it's cruel. Nor do I "boss her around." I correct her if I see the need but for the most part so long as she isn't in danger of hurting herself or someone else, physically or emotionally, I let her do her own thing. I'm also certain she's getting her emotional needs met by me as well. I do try to redirect her, not to excuse away what's bothering her, but to redirect her anger. Instead of hitting/biting herself or usually me , hit/bite a pillow. Things of that nature. At this point, yes I do try to distract her. Rather that than let her hurt herself. If I do manage to distract her, which is very rare, once she's calmed down I ask her what the issue was. I suppose you missed the part where I said I try to stay a step ahead of her, meaning, I have broken down the things that set her off and do my best to avoid those things. The problem comes when she can't tell me what's wrong because it seems like she doesn't really know herself. Some of the things that set her off wouldn't phase other children at all. For instance, just today she threw a violent tantrum because her book "felt funny." Mind you, she's "read" this same book a hundred times before and it's never been an issue until today. It basically went like this, "Mommy, my book feels funny." "What do you mean? It feels the same as it always does to me." BOOM tantrum. This type of stuff happens all the time. Sometimes she'll be playing happily and all of a sudden pitch a fit. No warning, nothing bothering her. Just screaming to be screaming it seems like. My point in telling you all of this is, if you're insinuating I'm the problem because I'm not meeting my child's needs somehow, you're very sadly mistaken. I've spoken to her pedi and not that I need to defend myself further, but you might be surprised to know he thinks she might be at risk for autism. I've asked him to test her for Sensory Processing Disorder before we evaluate further for autism because it seems to me
like a better fit based on the endless hours of research I've been and still am doing. SPD is sometimes misdiagnosed for autism and I want it ruled out first. The tantrums are NOT the only thing that concerns me.
You'll forgive me if I make light of a heavy situation as it helps me have more patience with her. Something she clearly needs plenty of.