re: IF you spank...

Quoting ღ.ღ.ღ:" If all else fails, which has happened a few times i pull out the belt. I do not spank with it, and never ... [snip!] ... a loud sound and he stops. He knows i mean business with that, because then he'll go "ok" and sit down or stop what he's doing."

I don't do that. My SO has snapped his belt together to get J's attention, but I'm not a fan of it. I told him if he ever took a belt to our son I'd take one to him. lol Maybe I'm naive and full of wishful thinking, but I just want my kid to listen because I ASK him to, not because he is scared into it. I often wonder if it's too much to ask. Maybe I have high expectations. I just want him to listen.

Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:" Yeah, Spongebob   and Ice Age. I'm always tempted to take away books at bed, but I don't. I ... [snip!] ... I don't. I want to encourage him to love to read because I don't have a love for books. It's just haaaard being a parent. lol"

Yes it is hard!

When you are about to go into the grocery store, inform him that he has a choice to behave. If he behaves he gets to watch spongebob/ice age when he gets home but if he chooses not to behave he does not. If he begins to misbehave give him a reminder warning. "Remember what I told you about behaving in the store". If he still chooses not to listen then tell him he has lost the privilege. Make sure that you are consistent because he will test you to see if you are serious.

There is also the tactic of ignoring "annoying" behavior. If he is throwing a fit, whining, etc you can act like you don't notice. As long as no one is getting hurt and property isn't being destroyed.

Quoting Fat-and-Happy:" Yes it is hard! When you are about to go into the grocery store, inform him that he has a choice to ... [snip!] ... then tell him he has lost the privilege. Make sure that you are consistent because he will test you to see if you are serious."

This I already do. He just doesn't care. It means nothing until we get home. So, I get a misbehaving child at the store, then one who's taken up whining as a hobby to get attention when I tell him about himself in the store, then a freaking tantrum when I get home and he gets a time out and can't do what he wanted to do.

Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:" I don't do that. My SO has snapped his belt together to get J's attention, but I'm not a fan of it. ... [snip!] ... he is scared into it. I often wonder if it's too much to ask. Maybe I have high expectations. I just want him to listen."

I'm not a fan of the belt, my dad used to beat me with one and i grew up scared of them and i don't want my kids like that. He's not scared of it, but he can tell when he's pushed too many buttons and it's time to stop. Which he does usually, but those few times i've had to get his attention when yelling, talking, asking, time out, taking stuff away etc didn't work, something loud enough to make you go "what was that" works for us.

Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:" This I already do. He just doesn't care. It means nothing until we get home. So, I get a misbehaving ... [snip!] ... about himself in the store, then a freaking tantrum when I get home and he gets a time out and can't do what he wanted to do."

Yep lol. Been there done that.

Quoting ღ.ღ.ღ:" I'm not a fan of the belt, my dad used to beat me with one and i grew up scared of them and i don't ... [snip!] ... asking, time out, taking stuff away etc didn't work, something loud enough to make you go "what was that" works for us."

lol yes. It does work for SO, as well.

I used to spank. It happens occasionally still but I really prefer not to do it. I used to give my son a choice. You can either lose your tv for a day or get a spanking. He would always choose the spanking. I really wanted him NOT to choose the spanking. Doing this really helped me see what was more important to him.

There are some detrimental effects that come from spanking if it is done too frequently or too severely. I really don't want my son to be afraid of me and want to teach him that he makes the right choices because he wants to, not out of fear he'll get the smackdown lol. When they are young though, they make moral judgments on rewards and consequences.

Quoting Fat-and-Happy:" Yep lol. Been there done that."

I usually spend most of my time in any store correcting his behavior and telling him to watch his attitude, and the other little bit of time telling him what he can expect when we get home.

Then I get in the car and scream smurf like a maniac. It doesn't help, it just gives me a sore throat.

Quoting Fat-and-Happy:" I used to spank. It happens occasionally still but I really prefer not to do it. I used to give my son ... [snip!] ... not out of fear he'll get the smackdown lol. When they are young though, they make moral judgments on rewards and consequences."

Yeah, I don't want my kid scared of me either. I also don't want to bribe him for good behavior because I, too, want him to learn to behave.

Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:" I usually spend most of my time in any store correcting his behavior and telling him to watch his ... [snip!] ... expect when we get home. Then I get in the car and scream smurf like a maniac. It doesn't help, it just gives me a sore throat."

Maybe you could have a reward box with things in it that he wants. The dollar store has some pretty good stuff that isn't very expensive. If he behaves he can choose something from the box, if not he isn't allowed to.

I have a reward box for Korbin. He has to do all his chores throughout the week. If he doesn't then he can't get something from the box.

I "spank". But have only read needed to do it a few times, when it has happened I give 3 warnings, and if the behavior doesn't stop then I will literally pick my child up, swat their bottom and make them sit down on the bed or couch quietly. For the most part I usually get to the second warning and they stop. But for my big kids I also say spanking is for bad little kids, and I remind them how embarrassed they would be if their friends from school saw them being spanked "like a baby" and they straighten up.
I was raised being hit with whatever was handy, be it a belt, coat hanger, yard stick, wooden spoons/cooking utensils...didn't matter. Most of the time we would wiggle out of my dads hands and ended up getting hit on our backs or our thighs, which I hated. I always said I wouldn't do that, which is why I pick mine up when needed, they can't run away and it's easier to make sure I'm only swatting their butt when its so close to me.

Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:" Yeah, I don't want my kid scared of me either. I also don't want to bribe him for good behavior because I, too, want him to learn to behave."

It is only a bribe if you give it to him to get him to stop the bad behavior. Say he's throwing a fit and you say, "I'll give you this if you stop" If it is a condition established before the bad behavior, it isn't a bribe.

Quoting Fat-and-Happy:" It is only a bribe if you give it to him to get him to stop the bad behavior. Say he's throwing a fit ... [snip!] ... a fit and you say, "I'll give you this if you stop" If it is a condition established before the bad behavior, it isn't a bribe."

That's true. I guess I never seperated the two before. Nowadays I think he needs his good behavior rewarded because I spend so much energy trying to correct him. I thought about a sticker chart, but he would get bored of that before I could even work out a system. Maybe I'll try the box thing. How do you keep Korbin from being upset that he's not getting it right at that moment and has to actually wait for it?

I have a 4 year old son who used to do the same thing. When I went into a store with him and I still do this set expectations and always say ," This trip is not about you we are going in here for something mom and dad need and if you behave the way you are supposed to you may get goldfish at the register or you can have such and such toy." My son learned that once I had my daughter that he was no longer the baby and that his babyish attitude was going to have to go far away due to him being a big brother. I asked him if he wanted to see Macie see him act like a baby and he would always say no mom I am a big boy she is going to have a big brother so I need to act big not like a baby. Now the only time he really ever throws tantrums is when he is at grandmas house and that has recently just stopped altogether. He is an amazing child and I am so lucky to have him but even in the store he knows that if he says one disrespectful thing he has to stay in his room and he looses his toys and his tv he doesn't like that so he behaves. He is one of those kids who would rather be in his room playing with legos watching batman. When he gets a little carried away or starts to get to the point of needing a spanking I let my DH do it I grew up believing a man spanks a boy and a women a girl that it should never be the other way around. If I were to spank my son he would laugh at me I hit like a girl but for my daughter it gets the point across. Another thing to try to do I work in an ISL home and take care of people with mental disabilities sit him down explain to him his behavior and how it is unexceptable and that if he still wants to go to daycare and enjoy time with his friends that he has to be a big boy that his friends might not want to hang out with someone who still acts a little babyish. Sorry for being so long but I just hope something helps.