re: IF you spank...

Quoting Jude ♥ JGL:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:</b>" haha I bet it shocks him! I read something ... [snip!] ... work! DH is always like   but it's certainly more effective than his.idea which is to just yell LO's name until I get up"

lol. If my kid is in the other room and he's not making noise, my SO will just yell his name hoping he'll magically become a dog for the 10 seconds it will take to come to SO. What are ya gonna do.

I don't have a kid yet, I am due in March. But my parents would always take us in another room and tell us what we did wrong and why we are getting a spanking. They would also say this scripture "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of revelation shall drive it far from him." and the "Obey you mom and dad for this is right" verse. After they spanked us they would give us a hug and tell us they loved us.

Quoting AMN13:" I don't have a kid yet, I am due in March. But my parents would always take us in another room and tell ... [snip!] ... the "Obey you mom and dad for this is right" verse. After they spanked us they would give us a hug and tell us they loved us."

I am constantly telling him I love him, but I also feel like I'm saying "I'm so disappointed in your behavior" a lot more than I'm saying "Thank you for being so good today!" I just can't take it. The problem is me being frustrated. If I didn't get so frustrated, spanking would never have crossed my mind. I don't think he would undersatnd the scriptures and whatnot.

Maybe he needs to be tested for behavioral/personality disorders? Some children really just aren't phased by any form of punishment.
I'd try cleaning out his room completely (literally, like a jail cell) and making him earn his things back 1 by 1 with good behavior. Get a bunch of marbles and a jar and every time he does something without being asked, or the first time he's asked, have him put a marble in the jar. 5 marbles = 1 toy/game back. Or something like that.
Good luck.

I'm a fan of the choice theory. You teach the children that they are the boss of their choices and you are the boss of the rules. You set up a system where they know what their choices are and the difference between a right and a privilege. They can either choose to follow a rule or not. If they choose not to follow a rule, they lose a privilege. They are rewarded with privileges when they choose to follow a rule.

The important thing to it is that you establish that they have a choice and there are consequences for their choices. So it isn't you who decides to take things away it is them that decides to lose those privileges.

That is the basic premise.

Quoting Mrs.Mud:" Maybe he needs to be tested for behavioral/personality disorders? Some children really just aren't phased ... [snip!] ... or the first time he's asked, have him put a marble in the jar. 5 marbles = 1 toy/game back. Or something like that. Good luck."

That's the thing though, he is not a BAD kid at all. He has an amazing personality and he is extremely sweet, caring, and loving. When he decides to listen we have so much fun and wonderful days together. It's only when he decides all of the sudden that he is a grown man and independent in every way possible that we have difficulties. He doesn't go trashing rooms and breaking smurf, he just won't stop touching things if I say stop. He won't just stand next to me in the store. He will stand somewhere, but it's going to be 10 steps away from where I asked him to stand. He won't stop back talking because in his mind, he IS allowed to do everything. He won't stop talking when I ask him to because I'm talking on the phone or to another adult. It's the little things that I can't get him to stop doing.

It's hard because I don't want to discourage him from being independent, but I also need him to know his boundaries...especially in public.

Quoting Fat-and-Happy:" I'm a fan of the choice theory. You teach the children that they are the boss of their choices and you ... [snip!] ... So it isn't you who decides to take things away it is them that decides to lose those privileges. That is the basic premise."

You can also set other consequences such as time outs and grounding as long as the length of time these are enforced are age appropriate.

Quoting Fat-and-Happy:" I'm a fan of the choice theory. You teach the children that they are the boss of their choices and you ... [snip!] ... So it isn't you who decides to take things away it is them that decides to lose those privileges. That is the basic premise."

I think I try this in a much smaller way. I tell him, "you can either behave and listen and you can get hot chocolate to drink while we grocery shop, but if you don't listen, you won't have anything." I don't know.

I know it's hard my 4 year old boy was starting to be awful and i wasn't until my husband said to me that it had been 2 months since he had heard me say something nice about our son that I realised something needed to be done. I now make sure i praise everything that he does well and only punish the things that are really bad. I was told it all about picking your battles. start at the ones that are causing big problems and work on them then go onto the next thing. It has taken quite a bit of my energy in remembering not to try to bag on him for everything that he does wrong but it is working for us. we use a good boy jar and everytime he does something kind and good and does as he is told he gets a special treat in the jar and everytime the behaviour that you are trying to change is used he gets a rock in the jar and at the end of the day when you count it all out he has more treats then he does rocks he's aloud to eat them (after dinner of course) and if there is more rocks then the treats get put away for the next day.

sorry for the long message and I hope you find something that works for you.

Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:" That's the thing though, he is not a BAD kid at all. He has an amazing personality and he is extremely ... [snip!] ... I don't want to discourage him from being independent, but I also need him to know his boundaries...especially in public."

No child is bad. They just make bad choices. That's another thing about choice theory. It separates the actions from the individual.

Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:" I think I try this in a much smaller way. I tell him, "you can either behave and listen and you can ... [snip!] ... and you can get hot chocolate to drink while we grocery shop, but if you don't listen, you won't have anything." I don't know."

What are some of his favorite things to do?

Quoting Fat-and-Happy:" What are some of his favorite things to do?"

Right now he is really into watching TV and movies for some reason. He never really cared about it until recently. I even try to go in his play room and play with his toys with him, but even THAT starts a tantrum.

He likes to be outside, but it's too cold. He goes to daycare 3 days a week and he loves that. He does like his toys too though.

Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:" Right now he is really into watching TV and movies for some reason. He never really cared about it ... [snip!] ... likes to be outside, but it's too cold. He goes to daycare 3 days a week and he loves that. He does like his toys too though."

Does he have a favorite movie or tv show or a favorite toy?

For my son, I take away the wii, or the tv, or his ds. He can also lose story time for throwing a fit at bedtime.

Quoting Fat-and-Happy:" Does he have a favorite movie or tv show or a favorite toy? For my son, I take away the wii, or the tv, or his ds. He can also lose story time for throwing a fit at bedtime."

Yeah, Spongebob   and Ice Age.

I'm always tempted to take away books at bed, but I don't. I want to encourage him to love to read because I don't have a love for books. It's just haaaard being a parent. lol

Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:" I have to do that too just so he will stop long enough to hear what I'm trying to say."

If all else fails, which has happened a few times i pull out the belt. I do not spank with it, and never will but i'll slap it against the wall or a dresser, door etc to make a loud sound and he stops. He knows i mean business with that, because then he'll go "ok" and sit down or stop what he's doing.