Single Mama's What would/did you do?

BD and I have two LO's together. We recently separated a month ago, and with everything I have been through I don't intend on going back again. Both children live with me, and stay with him every other weekend. I know we need to come up with a child custody agreement on our own if at all possible. But my thing is I don't feel BD is capable of being responsible for their well being on his own. I don't always think that he has their best interests at heart when he does something. And I will be honest I have this fear that he will try keeping me from getting them back sometimes.

So my question is what kind of child custody do you have for your LO's does it work for you or would you change it if you could. And I mean both physical and legal custody of LO's.

(sorry I just realized that I had put support rather than custody!!)

When I got child support BD didn't even show up to the court date so he has zero parental privileges at all. He's never even met her :-\ I'm okay with this though because he's a piece of crap lol

Get a mediator through family court, and then a judge can sign off on it making it a legal visitation schedule, then he can't just "keep them" when it's your time. This will work if you've already agreed on the visitation and keeping it like it is.

As far as child support, the court will set that based on his income and the time you have the children.

Quoting Mrs. Reynolds:" When I got child support BD didn't even show up to the court date so he has zero parental privileges at all. He's never even met her :-\ I'm okay with this though because he's a piece of crap lol"

I'm going to court soon and hope the same thing happens. My daughter's BD agreed to terminate his rights, but we still need to go to court in order to sign the papers. I hope he doesn't even show up.

Quoting Mrs. Reynolds:" When I got child support BD didn't even show up to the court date so he has zero parental privileges at all. He's never even met her :-\ I'm okay with this though because he's a piece of crap lol"

I'm not asking about child support.. I filed for that yesterday when I applied for medicaid.. He's flipping about that at the moment.. But he's been involved in both LO's lives off and on from the time they were born.. And we split up so much while our oldest was a baby that he missed out on everything.. Now we are in the same boat with our youngest.

My ex and I share custody of our almost 4 year old. Every other week. It works for us and my daughter loves it. He pays me $125 a month in CS and to be honest Idk if he pays me anything or not because we share custody half/half. We like our arrangement but I could see where some people wouldn't, and it helps that we only live 10 minutes from each other.

We also have an agreement that if someone is needed to watch her for more than an overnight visit that we will call the other before we ask anyone else.

This is our agreement through cout

BD gets them every other weekend from 10am On saturday till 4pm on Saturday and 10am On Sunday till 4pm on Sunday.
He is to pay 37.80 every 2 weeks for Child support. (never gets paid to begin with)
I am the sole custodian, the kids reside with me (obviously), I get to claim the kids on taxes every year.

And that is all that is in the agreement.

Quoting The Doctor:" Get a mediator through family court, and then a judge can sign off on it making it a legal visitation ... [snip!] ... it like it is. As far as child support, the court will set that based on his income and the time you have the children."

That would work if he would stick to what we agreed on when we separated a month ago.. Now he's just claiming he wants more time, when I know it's not him that wants it, it's his parents.. He wants to split time evenly and give them an unstable environment to live in and I'm just not up for that.

Quoting Sierra-n-Brantley:" That would work if he would stick to what we agreed on when we separated a month ago.. Now he's just ... [snip!] ... it's his parents.. He wants to split time evenly and give them an unstable environment to live in and I'm just not up for that."

How is he giving them an unstable environment?

Quoting Sierra-n-Brantley:" That would work if he would stick to what we agreed on when we separated a month ago.. Now he's just ... [snip!] ... it's his parents.. He wants to split time evenly and give them an unstable environment to live in and I'm just not up for that."

Yes, but what I'm saying is that if you use a mediator through family court, the judge signs it so he can't do that unless he petitions the court for more time.

Or you can leave it up to the judge who gets what time, and you may not be happy with that, either.

Quoting The Doctor:" Yes, but what I'm saying is that if you use a mediator through family court, the judge signs it so he ... [snip!] ... the court for more time. Or you can leave it up to the judge who gets what time, and you may not be happy with that, either."

In the end though, if they can't agree and neither can prove the other an unfit parent, then the judge will decide and they will both have to deal with it.

Quoting JessCleavage:" My ex and I share custody of our almost 4 year old. Every other week. It works for us and my daughter ... [snip!] ... that if someone is needed to watch her for more than an overnight visit that we will call the other before we ask anyone else."

Every other week just doesn't work for me. LO's have absolutely no structure when they are with him. DD is 3 years old and she is able to eat what ever she wants all day long. She doesn't have a bedtime when she is with him, and she is allowed to just do whatever she pleases. DS is almost 8 months old, and he is left in wet diapers all day causing him to get a really bad diaper rash, and they don't feed him anything but bottles all day. To them if he is crying he wants a bottle or he needs a bottle to go to sleep.

So I always have to spend the next two weeks putting them back on a schedule just to have it thrown out the window by the time they go back over there.. I am in a lose lose battle because unless I am with them 24/7 I don't see how I can enforce a proper bedtime and diet for them both.. :/

Quoting JessCleavage:" In the end though, if they can't agree and neither can prove the other an unfit parent, then the judge will decide and they will both have to deal with it."

Yep! But mediation is worth a shot.

Quoting Sierra-n-Brantley:" Every other week just doesn't work for me. LO's have absolutely no structure when they are with him. ... [snip!] ... lose lose battle because unless I am with them 24/7 I don't see how I can enforce a proper bedtime and diet for them both.. :/"

Unfortanately, probably none of those things are going to keep him from having time with them.

I know how frustrating it is, don't get me wrong. But courts views are: unless they're abusing or neglecting the child-- they can parent as they please when the child(ren) are with them.

Quoting Sierra-n-Brantley:" Every other week just doesn't work for me. LO's have absolutely no structure when they are with him. ... [snip!] ... lose lose battle because unless I am with them 24/7 I don't see how I can enforce a proper bedtime and diet for them both.. :/"

You can't. I've had to learn a lot of patience with my ex. He is getting better but for a while he did things out of her routine just to spite me, not realizing how hard it was on her too. You just have to be patient and understand that he needs to be given the opportunity to step up and be a good dad. He deserves time with his children too. And even if he wants more time so that his family can see them, that's understandable too.....I want my child to be able to spend time with all of her family. I was very selfish for a while but I realized that she was suffering for it. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and understand that you aren't the ONLY one that can provide for your child and be responsible.

Of course I don't know him, but seeing how much my ex has changed has really opened up my eyes to the fact that you can teach an old dog new tricks.