Lost my angel and not coping well...

I was so elated to learn I was pregnant again after a miscarriage in March at 6 weeks. Things were going well until an altercation with my sister-in-law and started spotting for 3 weeks. I was worried that things were going badly until I had an ultrasound and seen his little feet wiggle and move and found a healthy strong heartbeat. The spotting stopped and everything was right in my world again.

Then came the early glucose check and found my sugar was through the roof. on January 19th. The doctor was concerned and rushed me in for another ultrasound but again healthy baby heartbeat so room for breathing. The doctor made me an appointment for a high risk doctor visit and a sonogram on the 28th. My heart dropped when I heard the sentence that will forever haunt me, "I am so sorry to tell you that this baby does not have a heartbeat" They estimate that the baby died a week ago and I had to have a D&C today. I hyperventilated while being put under and woke up from it a balling mess.

I was able to cope better in March when I lost the other since I wasn't able to see the ultrasound screen, not that it made the loss any less real just easier to take. This time around I just keep replaying those last sonogram pictures with the flat heartbeat movement and still fetal position of loss.

I am so sorry for your loss! *hugs*

I'm terribly sorry, lady.

So sorry. Do you think maybe going to a support group would help. Going to a support group really help me deal with my loss and it was helpful knowing I wasn't alone and having other moms to talk to.

i'm sorry to hear about your loss? how far along were you? i lost my son at 20 weeks and 6 days...were you farther along with this one? i think miscarrying at 6 weeks might be a little easier (though still difficult) than suffering a loss further along. i say that because at 6 weeks it's very early and most haven't heard a heartbeat or seen their baby on an ultrasound yet...with my loss i had seen the heartbeat, found out the gender, felt the movements..and then all of the sudden nothing anymore, i went into labor and lost him. i had to deliver him and know that i couldn't bring him home. it's just an awful experience no matter how far along you are. but also, the fact that this is your second loss could have taken a toll on you and made this one more difficult to cope with. hugs for you!

Also if you would like one a member on here makes beutiful memorial braacelets check out Eden's Wings on facebook. https://www.facebook.com/#!/EdensWings?fref=ts

This is so sad, prayers to you hon *hugs*

Quoting aea&jeb:" i'm sorry to hear about your loss? how far along were you? i lost my son at 20 weeks and 6 days...were ... [snip!] ... fact that this is your second loss could have taken a toll on you and made this one more difficult to cope with. hugs for you!"

I beg to differ. The fact that I miscarried early on and never got to hear a heartbeat or see an ultrasound made it harder for me to cope. I had nothing to remember my baby by while many other members in my support group had these beautiful memorial boxes and pictures and footprints and ultrasounds. I had nothing to show for my loss and felt so empty always wondering what our baby would look like. When I had DD I was heartbroken that I never got to experience the things I did with DD with the baby I lost and the father of the baby I lost. I always wonder what my other baby would've looked like, what would their personality be like. Sometimes when DD stares up at nothing and smiles and coos I think maybe my LO I miscarried is visiting her. (Crazy I know but for me it's a comforting thought.)

Quoting Miracle_Mommy 2012: Sometimes when DD stares up at nothing and smiles and coos I think maybe my LO I miscarried is visiting her.

This isn't crazy AT ALL.....in fact, I believe it's 100% possible.

Quoting Kari Corrupted:" This isn't crazy AT ALL.....in fact, I believe it's 100% possible."

It's just so weird how she will smile and focus on a certain spot on the wall or ceiling and smile so big and coo. I mean I see nothing but she definitely sees SOMETHING that I can't see.

This makes me hope the one we lost will visit the one I hopefully get to have in May  

Quoting Miracle_Mommy 2012:" I beg to differ. The fact that I miscarried early on and never got to hear a heartbeat or see an ultrasound ... [snip!] ... and smiles and coos I think maybe my LO I miscarried is visiting her. (Crazy I know but for me it's a comforting thought.)"

i didn't mean that you don't feel hurt. i just meant that at 6 weeks a lot of women don't even know they are pregnant so it just seems like it could be slightly easier. but then again, i don't know. i have only experienced 2nd tri loss. i do know that at about 9 weeks i thought i was miscarrying with my second pregnancy (after my 2nd tri loss) and was so very upset. however, i was 9 weeks and had already had two ultrasounds (high risk pregnancy) and saw the heartbeat. i'm not saying it doesn't hurt and i honestly can't relate to an early miscarriage so i am not saying that what i say is right but i do know that for me having contractions, having my water break, having to have an epidural, having to deliver a baby that i would never get to take home, and all the jazz that comes with a regular pregnancy was absolutely traumatizing.

i know it is hard to cope with either way and i am not trying to say that my pain is any worse than yall's pain so i'm sorry if it sounds that way.....

Quoting aea&jeb:" i didn't mean that you don't feel hurt. i just meant that at 6 weeks a lot of women don't even know they ... [snip!] ... a baby that i would never get to take home, and all the jazz that comes with a regular pregnancy was absolutely traumatizing."

A loss is a loss, a person is a person no matter how small. Sure you didn't mean to hurt feelings but I experienced a lot of hurt bc some people didn't see me as a grieving mother and I was. People treat you like your loss isn't as significant as someone who had a stillborn or lost a baby to SIDS yet you hurt just as bad as any other grieving parent.

One mom put it this way she lost an 8 year old daughter and she looked to me and said, "You and I we both had dreams for our children. There were so many things they didn't get to do. We are both grieving over all the things our children will never get to do. We wanted to watch them grow up, teach them new things and see them get married."

Quoting Kari Corrupted:" This makes me hope the one we lost will visit the one I hopefully get to have in May  "

Have you read the book Heaven is For Real? There is a part of the book where the little boy goes to Heaven and he meets his sister (His mom never ever mentioned having a miscarriage to him and she had an early miscarriage and never knew the gender.) Reading that book gave me a lot of peace. It doesn't matter if you are a Christian or not or if you really believe everything the little boy claims to have happened. It's sitting their drinking it in thinking, "What if that were true?" What if my baby can see everything I do from up above? There was a certain gender nuetral name I picked for the baby I lost and the Nurse that delivered DD had that name. Everyday since I gave birth to DD I have heard the name I picked for my LO that I miscarried at least once a day. Mostly like on every t.v. show I watch someone is named that. It seems like it's my LO's way of saying they are watching over and reminding me not to forget them.