re: Lost my angel and not coping well...

Quoting Miracle_Mommy 2012:" A loss is a loss, a person is a person no matter how small. Sure you didn't mean to hurt feelings but ... [snip!] ... our children will never get to do. We wanted to watch them grow up, teach them new things and see them get married." "

no no no!!! i really didn't mean to make you feel that way. i am truly sorry! i didn't mean it like that at all. i was asking her how far along she was with her second loss because if she was farther along that 6 weeks like she was with her first then maybe that was the reason she took her second loss harder, she said she coped fairly well with her first loss. i know that a loss is a loss either way. people act like because my baby never breathed our air that i shouldn't be upset like if he had been born and then died. (after my water broke they made me wait til he lost his heartbeat before letting me deliver so i wouldn't watch him fighting for life) i'm sorry i made you feel that way i was just trying to say that maybe that was a possibility as to why she took her second loss harder.

Quoting Miracle_Mommy 2012:" Have you read the book Heaven is For Real? There is a part of the book where the little boy goes to Heaven ... [snip!] ... someone is named that. It seems like it's my LO's way of saying they are watching over and reminding me not to forget them."

yes, i have read the book.

Quoting aea&jeb:" no no no!!! i really didn't mean to make you feel that way. i am truly sorry! i didn't mean it like that ... [snip!] ... i made you feel that way i was just trying to say that maybe that was a possibility as to why she took her second loss harder."

I am sorry you went through that. I was so scared of losing DD all the way up until she was in my arms. I was scared something would go wrong during labor. I mean I was just terrified all the time I worried about every possible thing that could go wrong.

Quoting Miracle_Mommy 2012:" I am sorry you went through that. I was so scared of losing DD all the way up until she was in my arms. ... [snip!] ... would go wrong during labor. I mean I was just terrified all the time I worried about every possible thing that could go wrong."

i had my loss july 15th 2012, got my period august 27th 2012, and got a bfp on september 21st 2012...i am currently 22 weeks pregnant with a girl and was so relieved to make it past my loss milestone but yes, i completely know the worry you are talkiing about! i have made like 5 ER trips with this pregnancy just cus i panic over everything!! i am still holding my breath until i have her safe in my arms but i do feel a sense of relief that i made it past my loss milestone. i got pregnant right after my loss and was so scared that that would cause me problems. but all has been well this time around so far. hoping it stays that way. thank the heavens for mfm specialists and p17 injections!!

I was 14 weeks and 3 days along. I couldn't imagine having to go through what you
had to go through aea&jeb. The D&C was rough enough. I didn't know the gender but just referenced the baby a boy because that is what I envisioned it to be.
I may try a support group there is an Open Arms Pregnancy center here that may offer one. I am hoping things may calm down a bit when my father arrives from MI on Friday. I think that has been the roughest part since moving out of state and not having my family near me. It is so much different when it is your in-laws you have near you and they just don't fully understand you enough to know exactly what you need.
Thank you to everyone though for your thoughts and prayers. Typing it all out just seems like the only venue that has allowed me to form a complete sentence without others not being able to understand me through the sobs.

I totally wish they had a support group for moms who are pregnant after a loss in my area. I stopped going to my miscarriage and stillborn support group bc I thought it would be to hard for the other angel moms to be around me. But it would've really helped to move on to a new support group to help me get through my pregnancy and know i'm not insane for my 3430304 hospital trips lol. I mean I went to the e.r. a few times early on and then in my 2nd and 3rd trimester went to l&d about 6 times from 20 weeks until delivery lol. I had kidney stones 2 of the times so that was a legit serious problem.

Quoting Catherine Marquis:" I was 14 weeks and 3 days along. I couldn't imagine having to go through what you had to go through aea&jeb. ... [snip!] ... only venue that has allowed me to form a complete sentence without others not being able to understand me through the sobs. "

This wasn't funny back then but it makes me giggle now. I called a suicide hotline once because I was so depressed over my loss when someone close to me who was 2 months ahead of me had their baby and I was sobbing so uncontrollably that the suicide hotline chick just kept telling me she couldn't understand me until I hung up. It was so damn frustrating at the time.

Quoting Catherine Marquis:" I was 14 weeks and 3 days along. I couldn't imagine having to go through what you had to go through aea&jeb. ... [snip!] ... only venue that has allowed me to form a complete sentence without others not being able to understand me through the sobs. "

that is very very sad. did they say what happened? it's always crazy to me how things can go wrong that far along. i was diagnosed with incompetent cervix so my cervix can't hold the weight of the baby. but my cervix hasn't been an issue with this pregnancy so now they are wondering if it was just preterm labor due to an infection or something. it sucks not having straight answers.

Quoting Miracle_Mommy 2012:" I totally wish they had a support group for moms who are pregnant after a loss in my area. I stopped ... [snip!] ... l&d about 6 times from 20 weeks until delivery lol. I had kidney stones 2 of the times so that was a legit serious problem."

i went to the er for bleeding at about 9 weeks. they said baby was fine. i went back because the bleeding turned from brown to red at about 14 weeks and i was clotting. baby was still fine, thank god! it turned out to be a hemorrhage in placenta which ended up resolving itself with some bedrest. then i have went a couple of other times just because my mind plays tricks on me and i think every little pain is labor pain. then the time i went because i thought i was leaking amniotic fluid and it turned out to be regular ole discharge. i felt like a silly willy. lol. but they are all very understanding at the hospital saying they would be the exact same way. i guess it just traumatizes you and you overanalyze cramp or discharge. if i burp differently then something must be wrong. lol.

Quoting aea&jeb:" that is very very sad. did they say what happened? it's always crazy to me how things can go wrong that ... [snip!] ... so now they are wondering if it was just preterm labor due to an infection or something. it sucks not having straight answers."

The only explanation he had was the glucose readings. I had gestational diabetes with my daughter and probably should have had them check in March when I miscarried. Since it was the first things I jumped to then on why I may have lost the baby. They think it is just full blown now no gestational about it. It is just crazy to think what 3 days can change in your world.
I am having a lot of guilt over not following through on the glucose thing and the second guessing and the what ifs is what is wrecking me right now. It may sound odd but I didn't know I was pregnant with my daughter until I was 18 weeks pregnant. The pregnancy had the high risk involved after we found out and I finished the 22 weeks spending every week in the hospital going through stress tests. It just seems like the earlier I know I am pregnant now things go to hell in a hand basket.

I didn't realize I was pregnant until 18 weeks due to my history of having endometriosis and irregular periods already. Just wanted to clarify why I didn't realize until then. I knew sooner with the others because I did keep a better record of my cycles and ovulation periods.

I am sorry to hear of your news  
I can't imagin the pain but understand how hard it is losing a baby as a loss is a loss no matter how small.

Quoting aea&jeb:" i went to the er for bleeding at about 9 weeks. they said baby was fine. i went back because the bleeding ... [snip!] ... guess it just traumatizes you and you overanalyze cramp or discharge. if i burp differently then something must be wrong. lol."

It's all perfectly normal. You will still be a worry wart when baby gets here too. My baby has a cold right now and I am terrified about what if it's RSV and when do I take her into the hospital. We have a doctor's appt for tommorow though. But every little thing worries me still!

Quoting Catherine Marquis:" The only explanation he had was the glucose readings. I had gestational diabetes with my daughter and ... [snip!] ... going through stress tests. It just seems like the earlier I know I am pregnant now things go to hell in a hand basket."

i have so much guilt as well. my man and i were arguing constantly all the time and i was constantly stressed out...they said that had nothing to do with me going into labor, that it was due to my cervix being weak but i just can't help but think that it was a factor. we have resolved our issues and with this pregnancy we hardly have had any disagreements and everything seems to be going well with this pregnancy. it just makes me feel like we caused it by screaming at each other and me crying and stressing all the time.

Quoting aea&jeb:" i have so much guilt as well. my man and i were arguing constantly all the time and i was constantly ... [snip!] ... this pregnancy. it just makes me feel like we caused it by screaming at each other and me crying and stressing all the time."

I can relate with that issue too. I had some pretty hefty mood swings with this pregnancy and my husband was also trying to quit smoking so made for some heavy arguments. When talking with my dad the week before everything happened I said some awful things I wish I had never said now. I told my dad I wished I wasn't pregnant anymore...well I guess the universe answered in a major way...