Feeling like my SO isn't being as supportive as I'd like.

Is anyone else having issues with their SO not being as "involved/supportive" during the pregnancy? I'm only 12 weeks, but I feel like anytime I bring up any topic related to preparing for the baby, he avoids the question. We tried for this baby. So it's not like he "didn't want the child."

Examples; I'm trying to get his input on which ultrasound place to schedule our gender scan at. Instead of bieng supportive, he's asking why we even have to schedule it, why not just wait until the next "medically" necessary ultrasound, etc etc. I'm confused as to why he just can't be supportive rather than questioning. Obviously, I'm excited to find out the gender ASAP, and I'd be spending my own money for the gender scan anyways.

I understand men usually don't get as excited as us or don't "connect" to the pregnancy right away either, but nonetheless, any advice on how I can get him to WANT to be more involved?

I don't think you can make him. But, they deal with it differently. Maybe he's just thinking of wanting to save that money for the baby instead of paying for a scan or something.

Maybe he doesn't want to spend extra money on an unnecessary elective ultrasound just because you don't want to wait for the anatomy scan. I wouldn't want to discuss that either.

He's got reasons and really good points , why not wait. Unless money is not an issue

I agree with him on waiting until the next ultrasound. Why waste the money on one when you could spend it on the baby. If he chose the wrong place would you complain about that??

He's not going to hold your hand the whole time & just say yes dear, of course dear. They aren't wired that way. It will be different when he holds the baby the first time. Until then it isn't really real to them.

Quoting MommaSav2:" Maybe he doesn't want to spend extra money on an unnecessary elective ultrasound just because you don't want to wait for the anatomy scan. I wouldn't want to discuss that either."

Well, it's not his money. We don't combine our money. We contribute to the bills/rent/etc together. Our money is our own though. This would be coming out of money I worked for.. and if it was only a matter of money, then I should state that I'm the only that HAS saved up for the baby. I've put aside $1000 from 6 weeks along until now. He hasn't put aside a penny. SO to me, it's not a matter of money. This isn't th eonly issue he's questioned me on rather than supporting. Everything from bringing up possibly baby names, to bringing up whether we would want/think it's a boy/girl, even simple things such as who we were going to pick as an ob.

Most men are like that.

My husband never really even questioned anything. I'd tell him, he'd say "oh okay..cool" and that was the end of it. He even was the type to say, "You're not crippled. You can still get up and do this and this.." when I was laying in the bathroom floor, puking corn nuts up. It got on my nerves at first, but as time went on he got more and more excited. There is nothing you can do to make him more supportive.

Quoting Booger & Bubba's Mommy:" I agree with him on waiting until the next ultrasound. Why waste the money on one when you could spend ... [snip!] ... aren't wired that way. It will be different when he holds the baby the first time. Until then it isn't really real to them."

If I don't ask his input on where to go, he would be the first one to say 'you didn't even give me a chocie in this' .. so by giving him options on locations, i thought i was doing something nice. i dont' view finding out the gender as a waste of money. i'd gladly spend the 50-60$ on this scan asap if it meant i knew a few weeks sooner.

Quoting Tiger Lily ♥:" Most men are like that. My husband never really even questioned anything. I'd tell him, he'd say "oh ... [snip!] ... my nerves at first, but as time went on he got more and more excited. There is nothing you can do to make him more supportive."

Oh yes. He tells me all the time, " i have no idea why you're so tired. you don't have a reason to be." or "i doubt your morning sickness is going on all day long." Lol. Men never get that aspect of things, which is unfortunate because if THEY were experiencing it, they'd never stop bitching.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Kenzie Doll.:</b>" Well, it's not his money. We don't combine our money. We contribute to the bills/rent/etc together. ... [snip!] ... to bringing up whether we would want/think it's a boy/girl, even simple things such as who we were going to pick as an ob."</blockquote>

There isn't really much he can do to "be supportive" before baby gets here. I mean he really shouldn't have a say about who YOUR doctor is, and maybe he doesn't want to think about names until you know what you're having. And he would just not care if it's a boy or girl. If you want the extra ultrasound and he doesn't care to do it, that isn't really him not being supportive. Support doesn't mean just going along with every thing you say. Make the appointment yourself if you want to do it. You can't MAKE him act a certain way regarding the pregnancy but honestly what you've described so far doesn't sound like a lack or support, it just sounds like a different reaction to the pregnancy than you expected and wanted. I mean he's there with you, he isn't leaving you or ignoring you or telling you he doesn't want the baby. It's still early, there isn't much he can do right now.

Quoting Kenzie Doll.:" Oh yes. He tells me all the time, " i have no idea why you're so tired. you don't have a reason to ... [snip!] ... Men never get that aspect of things, which is unfortunate because if THEY were experiencing it, they'd never stop bitching. "

Oh there's no doubt about that. I had issues all through out my pregnancy. I'd use him to vent to, but...He'd just say "uh huh" and roll over and go to sleep. He just assumed that I wasn't in pain. So, I'd grab him and say "DO YOU REALIZE I HAVE A HUMAN BEING INSIDE MY STOMACH!?"

But...the day our son was born, he was the one who got to carry him out of the operating room and it's like a light went off in his head.

There is a difference between not supporting you through a pregnancy and him having a differing opinion from you. Saying he doesn't think you need to go for a scan until it is medically advised isn't not supporting you it is having a different opinion. I would say if he had the day off work and had nothing planned and was perfectly capable of attending an important scan with you but just couldn't be bothered to go, IMO that would be him being unsupportive. Just because someone doesn't agree with absolutely every single decision you make doesn't make them "unsupportive".

Quoting Tiger Lily ♥:" Oh there's no doubt about that. I had issues all through out my pregnancy. I'd use him to vent to, ... [snip!] ... day our son was born, he was the one who got to carry him out of the operating room and it's like a light went off in his head."

Very true.. there's been a few times he told me "to stop complaining" because "i wanted this." lol. I was like, you're absoultely right, i did want this baby, but that doesn't mean i WANTED to feel sick all day long, not hold food down and be in pain. duh.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Kenzie Doll.:</b>" Well, it's not his money. We don't combine our money. We contribute to the bills/rent/etc together. ... [snip!] ... to bringing up whether we would want/think it's a boy/girl, even simple things such as who we were going to pick as an ob."</blockquote>




Wow. You've saved $1000 in 6 weeks?

It seems like he just isn't acting the way you expect him too. He has his own thoughts, feeling & emotions seperated from yours. He isn't growing a human & doesn't feel the same way you do, probably never will. That's the difference between men & women.