Problem with SO

I didn't realize how heavy of a sleeper SO was until our daughter was born. He can not hear our LO when she cries at night, he just sleeps right through it. It concerns me to leave her with him alone because of this.

Don't get me wrong SO is a wonderful father and LO loves him to death. But I don't know what to do. I tired talking to SO about my fears and he thought I was calling him a bad father. I never meant to come off that way. I suggested that once I returned to work it may be best to drop LO off at daycare for a few hours while SO gets some sleep. He works until 4 am four days a week, some days he works 13 hours. I know he is tired but I would feel safer having someone awake watching her when I am not there. SO was offended by my suggestion.

I don't know what to do? I love SO but I still can't help but worry about LO.

I can see why that might be offensive.

Maybe tell him why you feel that way. That you would feel more at ease if he could get up in the middle of the night more often.

I was the same ... to the point I was scared to co-sleep because SO also used to get sleep apnea and it was dangerous to have a baby in the bed with a convulsing 300lb man. However when I started having to work nights at my old job there was nothing I could do, and surprisingly enough when it was just him and bubs he would wake up like a shot at the slightest noise.

Quoting Red Bottom:" I can see why that might be offensive. Maybe tell him why you feel that way. That you would feel more at ease if he could get up in the middle of the night more often."

She was born last Thursday and SO has worked every night since she came home.Tonight is his last shift, and then he will have three days off. I hope during his time off we can work on this problem.

I have tired telling him how I feel, but apparently I need to work on my wording. I am an extremely honest person and SO knows that. I will tell him my honest thoughts but 9 times out of 10 he doesn't like what I say.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Maria + Cory = Alexis:</b>" She was born last Thursday and SO has worked every night since she came home.Tonight is his last shift, ... [snip!] ... honest person and SO knows that. I will tell him my honest thoughts but 9 times out of 10 he doesn't like what I say. "</blockquote>




I think that you may be using you being "honest" as an excuse to just say whatever you want without applying every aspect.

She isn't even a week old, he hasn't been home to help because he's been working, and you're already suggesting taking away some of his fatherly duties?

I'm on his side with this one.

Put yourself in his shoes. You want to be a mother but have been working your ass off to provide since she was born, and your husband already doesn't trust you with the baby and would rather pay someone to do what you want to do, instead of letting you be a mother.

Quoting Red Bottom:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Maria + Cory = Alexis:</b>" She was born last Thursday and SO ... [snip!] ... doesn't trust you with the baby and would rather pay someone to do what you want to do, instead of letting you be a mother."

   

Maybe he isn't waking up because you're tending to the baby pretty quickly and he's passed out from working all night. My DH works 12 hour shifts and doesn't get home until 4am. He never hears the kids on those days unless he needs to hear them. When he knows he needs to wake for them it's like he's in a different mind state and will wake after a few minutes. That being said if he's not getting to bed until after 4am and you're leaving for work early in the morning she probably should go to daycare. Your SO will need to sleep to make it through the day.

I don't think he should be so offended. My SO is the same, and he understands that if the baby cries he NEEDS attention and he knows he sleeps hard and won't hear him. He's RATHER someone else who's able to watch him for his safety and well being. I think's he's being too sensitive. If your SO sleeps like that it's better safe than sorry and when the LO is older it won't be such an issue because he'she will sleep through the night.