what do i do with a grieving child

i have a 4 half yr old little girl who is dealing quite bad with the loss of our baby. Our baby was a misscarriage at 18weeks but she got to see him at his christening before we had his funeral. she seemed to take that ok and gave him a kiss before they had to close his coffin up, but now is been 3weeks and she still cryes and says she misses him. I have noticed she seems to get upset when she is in trouble and dont know if she it playing on it. she keeps asking me why i didnt want a baby anymore and i tell her that it wasnt that at all it was that Oscar came out of my belly to early.(the reason i lost my baby was i went into early labour). what else can i tell her to help her understand and how do i know when she is just playing on it?

With a child that young is difficult because they do not fully understand the situation. My son was 5 when my dad passed away. He had a massive heart attack and my son was the only one home with him when it happened. He was already in school-so I sent him to the guidance counselor. But there are a few good books out there designed for children this age. Does the hospital have any type of counseling service? I know that our hospital with the high risk NICU near us does-so that might be an idea as well. Good luck with your little girl and I am so sorry for your loss.

Quoting cherie86:“ i have a 4 half yr old little girl who is dealing quite bad with the loss of our baby. Our baby was a ... [snip!] ... i went into early labour). what else can i tell her to help her understand and how do i know when she is just playing on it?”

Can you go to the local council or maternal health centre and have them steer you in the right direction for counselling.
I ama primary school teacher and I know Kinders have access to special services in aust..

try your local doctor or go to a primary school and ask for an appt with the principal, they should be able to provide you with a number of contacts or options...
Im not sure but beyond blue foundation or bonnie babes might have a kids section... or try your royal childrens hosp... This is something you wanna get right for your daughters sake, and I think she would benefit most from the advice of professionals...

All I can suggest is maybe sit with her and look at photos, or draw pictures, maybe plant a tree in the garden for her to care for and have it as Oscars psecial tree, that she can look after him here but she can help a tree grow for him that way the tree will grow with her like he would have if he was here. that way she can still "play" with him....

My sister died of sids when I was 3 and a half... she was 5 and a half mths old...
Your little girl needs help, and it would be good for you to have help too, then you know you are gtting it right for her... Good luck, PM me if you like....
I hope that helped a little..

Congratulations for having the courage to ask for help...You have a very lucky little girl...

thank you heaps. i have seen a social worker and she said that she was in front for her age. we have given her a special book thatt she can draw in and because we are renting i cant plant anything here as we wouldnt be able to take it when we finaly move out of here. she picked out a little teddy from her toy box to put in with oscar in his coffin i though it was so sweet. i havent told her what his ashes are just yet as i dont kow what to tell her. she knows that he will never come home but that he is up in heaven watching over us and making sure that we are all ok i didnt know what else to tell her but she has taken that ok