re: Boyfriend wants a Vasectomy

Quoting BoogsMaMa:" She already said she would... you just ignore that and keep babbling about how your an advocate and ... [snip!] ... and he has the choice. She said herself if he still felt that it was what he wanted after serious thought she would respect it."

No, I've been saying that the way you're wording things is wrong in my opinion. It's been made out like it should be a joint decision, when, no... they should discuss it, they should definitely talk about it, but in the end, when it comes to his body it should be his decision. I'd say the same thing if you wanted an abortion and your husband didn't, or if a man wanted to sign a DNR and his wife was against that.

<blockquote><b>Quoting LeTs*StArT*a*RiOt!:</b>" And that's all well and good. He's not going for the procedure, he's going for a consult. She has plenty ... [snip!] ... and she isn't ok with that, then they need to figure something out or she needs to move on, since in the end, it is his choice."</blockquote>




Holy smurf girl, calm down.

sit down w/him and discuss why he is open to possible adoption in the future but doesnt want to father a biological child. Perhaps he feels like the bond he has w/your 2 from a previous relationship would be altered if a child of his bloodline entered the family.....Mabe there is a family history of health issues (mental or physical)that he doesnt want to chance passing on....Or he could just be content helping to raise your children????

Quoting J u l i a .:" She already said she would..  "

Yeah, we can see that.   Hence why you and the other lady's posts is what I'm initially replying to, not hers. You both made it out to be that this should be a joint decision, even if he wants one after the discussion, and no, sorry, that's honestly not the case. It should be his decision even if they discuss it.

You keep pointing out that 'that's all she's been saying!", when honestly, I've been saying the SAME thing as her, and haven't even been talking to her. I've been bringing up the what if situations, because I truly disagree with the way you've been wording things.

Quoting Heather ♥ 37 weeks:" <blockquote><b>Quoting LeTs*StArT*a*RiOt!:</b>" And that's all well and good. He's ... [snip!] ... something out or she needs to move on, since in the end, it is his choice."</blockquote> Holy smurf girl, calm down."

Please point out where I haven't been calm?   I've yet to say anything rude or nasty, and I've been completely calm.

<blockquote><b>Quoting J u l i a .:</b>" I'd look at him like he lost his damn mind lol.. And where the hell does he think all this money is ... [snip!] ... either.. Whether they are married or not if they are in a relationship they should talk about important things like this! "</blockquote>




Exactly! I mean oh let's just dip into that pot of gold out the back door, you know the one that's going to pay for a vasectomy, sperm harvesting and a reversal failing all else.... Uhm yeah right then. Absolutely as I had stated I would have no issue with DH having a vasectomy however he dared to approach it in that manner with me, in such a way that I was just a piece of dirt on the ground that wasn't even worthy of a sit down chat he wouldn't. have to worry about a medical procedure, I'd cut his balls off right then for him.

Agree about the Marriage thing too, lets face it you treat people you are in a relationship with that level of disrespect that they aren't even worthy of discussing anything with you'll never get near being Married anyway as no one is going to put up with that.

<blockquote><b>Quoting LeTs*StArT*a*RiOt!:</b>" There is a BIG difference between saying what you're saying, and people saying that ultimately, it is ... [snip!] ... She really should, if they want to make this work. But she shouldn't tell him what she should or should not do with his body. "</blockquote>




She's stated this herself repeatedly that she just wants to talk about it and look at options not that she wants to force him to not do it if that is what he ultimately wants.

<blockquote><b>Quoting BoogsMaMa:</b>" I am telling you right now I just hit 8 years with SO, and he would never make that kind of decision ... [snip!] ... because I can't comprimise and ultimately we could make that decision but because he didn't care to know how I felt about it."</blockquote>




       

<blockquote><b>Quoting LeTs*StArT*a*RiOt!:</b>" Yeah, we can see that.   Hence why you and the other lady's posts is what I'm initially replying to, ... [snip!] ... to her. I've been bringing up the what if situations, because I truly disagree with the way you've been wording things. "</blockquote>




So people on here have said that after they sit down and talk about it and talk about other options if he decides he still wants the vasectomy it should be her choice in the end and she should make him not have one?..... I'm sorry but that's BS, absolutely no one said that at all.

What I have seen however is her being told she doesn't even have the right to put forward other ideas (you know have a simple discussion) because he can just harvest his sperm, with that big pot of gold out the back door.

Quoting xTJ:" <blockquote><b>Quoting LeTs*StArT*a*RiOt!:</b>" Yeah, we can see that.   Hence why ... [snip!] ... ideas (you know have a simple discussion) because he can just harvest his sperm, with that big pot of gold out the back door."

The way I read it, was 'He should be respectful of your opinions!!! I can't believe he'd do this when you want more kids, you should compromise and he shouldn't have this procedure!' and 'Him wanting to do this without talking to you is wrong! It may be his body but you should have input to what he does with it too.' not 'Well, you should talk and if he still wants this, then it is his choice, you should also be respectful.'

No one said she has no right to put forward other ideas, because that's a given. In a relationship, discussing issues like this are a given. All that was said, was that the final say so is his. Which it is.

<blockquote><b>Quoting LeTs*StArT*a*RiOt!:</b>" The way I read it, was 'He should be respectful of your opinions!!! I can't believe he'd do this when ... [snip!] ... In a relationship, discussing issues like this are a given. All that was said, was that the final say so is his. Which it is. "</blockquote>



I seen it as people being completely disgusted at someone having the level of disrespect and inconsideration that he seems to think she is so worthless she doesn't even deserve an informed discussion about it. Then people wading in with yup that's right you don't even deserve a discussion, his choice, you don't even deserve 5 minutes of his time, you're nothing to him because you're not even Married anyway.

Relationships are built on communication, comprise, collaboration. Particularly when it comes to major life changing choices.

Anyways seems like people just picking up each other wrong and actually for the most part we all agree.

Quoting xTJ:" <blockquote><b>Quoting LeTs*StArT*a*RiOt!:</b>" The way I read it, was 'He should ... [snip!] ... life changing choices. Anyways seems like people just picking up each other wrong and actually for the most part we all agree."

You're probably right. And as such, I'm actually going to apologize if I got more heated than usual in this topic. I was having a really, REALLY bad day, my kid was screaming for literally no reason, and I was just done. Everybody is saying the same thing in a different way, so yeah.  

Quoting LeTs*StArT*a*RiOt!:" You're probably right. And as such, I'm actually going to apologize if I got more heated than usual ... [snip!] ... was screaming for literally no reason, and I was just done. Everybody is saying the same thing in a different way, so yeah.  "

True. Lol

Quoting BoogsMaMa:" Married or not, he did make a commitment to her i.e. a relationship which believe it or not is a commitment ... [snip!] ... like marriage also need comprimise. If no compromise can be made then the relationship may end, but that's about it. "

He made a commitment to her but NO commitment is at the expense of screwing up the values of your body.

It's funny how many girls are all "Oh man, vasectomy, NO! I want more kids, he's not thinking of MY wishes!" But oh man, if she didn't want sex or didnt want more kids and HE tried to pull that bullsmurf on her.... those girls would be going insane "ITS MY BODY! I am not carrying around something I dont want, or dont need!"

Oh, but forcing him is okay.... riiiiight!

<blockquote><b>Quoting FroggysMommy:</b>" He made a commitment to her but NO commitment is at the expense of screwing up the values of your body. ... [snip!] ... "ITS MY BODY! I am not carrying around something I dont want, or dont need!" Oh, but forcing him is okay.... riiiiight!"</blockquote>




Did you just read 1 of my post and then run away with it in your head? I have already clarified that major decisions in any relationship should be agreed upon by both partners that would include a woman's decision with her body as well her partners opinion should be respected.