re: Boyfriend wants a Vasectomy

Holy smurf at this thread  

I mean I totally get that ultimately it is his choice and she has no right to try and force him into anything he does not want but really the best advice to give to people in a committed relationship is "don't talk, don't communicate, don't share, don't compromise, just don't do anything that makes a relationship work and be totally out for yourself." He literally has walked in out of nowhere and has told her he is getting one and he is going for a consultation this week, I don't think it is too much to expect him to sit down and have a chat about it with her. I don't want anymore kids and neither does DH however had he walked in one day and said "I've decided I'm getting the snip, I'm not even going to discuss it with you, screw your feelings." even though I would probably have no issue with the actual vasectomy the fact that he didn't even give me the respect to sit down like 2 adults who are committed to each other and discuss such a major decision with me would probably be enough to make me question the whole relationship.

Quoting xTJ:" Holy smurf at this thread   I mean I totally get that ultimately it is his choice and she has no ... [snip!] ... to each other and discuss such a major decision with me would probably be enough to make me question the whole relationship."

 

Yes it is quite surprising. Lol

Quoting xTJ:" Holy smurf at this thread   I mean I totally get that ultimately it is his choice and she has no ... [snip!] ... to each other and discuss such a major decision with me would probably be enough to make me question the whole relationship."

    

Right???

Quoting xTJ:" Holy smurf at this thread   I mean I totally get that ultimately it is his choice and she has no ... [snip!] ... to each other and discuss such a major decision with me would probably be enough to make me question the whole relationship."

There is a BIG difference between saying what you're saying, and people saying that ultimately, it is his decision, and she needs to respect his feelings, as much as she wants hers respected. If he wants this, she should respect that. That is his reproductive ability in the balance, his potential earnings he'd have to give up if she got pregnant and they split up, his life. He has every right to not want more children. She should talk to him about it. She really should, if they want to make this work. But she shouldn't tell him what she should or should not do with his body.

<blockquote><b>Quoting J u l i a .:</b>"   Yes it is quite surprising. Lol"</blockquote>




  Yup  

I mean really what if your SO/DH walks in one day and says I'm moving to Australia, I'm spending 500k on a new car, I'm going to travel around the middle east for 6 months, I'm renovating the entire house, etc, etc is the advice to be ah well he better just do exactly what he wants without even discussing it with anyone, his choice and all that. Seriously no wonder so many relationships and Marriages break down if people don't realise the key is communication, if you're not willing to even consider another person with major decisions in your life then guess what you will never know how to conduct a relationship of any sort. Lol

<blockquote><b>Quoting BoogsMaMa:</b>"      Right???"</blockquote>




Yes!!! I must've missed the memo on how to conduct my 9 year relationship "Do not discuss any major decisions, just go out and do them, communication and compromise are your downfall!" Lol

Quoting LeTs*StArT*a*RiOt!:" There is a BIG difference between saying what you're saying, and people saying that ultimately, it is ... [snip!] ... She really should, if they want to make this work. But she shouldn't tell him what she should or should not do with his body. "

If she doesn't want it he needs to repect that as well, that is all anyone is saying. Major life decisions are made with the people you decide to spend your life with as stated above, moving, babies, no babies, buying large items.. all major choices that immediately affect the people you are with, not just decisions you make by yourself and end of story.

Quoting LeTs*StArT*a*RiOt!:" There is a BIG difference between saying what you're saying, and people saying that ultimately, it is ... [snip!] ... She really should, if they want to make this work. But she shouldn't tell him what she should or should not do with his body. "

Like the OP has said time and TIME AGAIN over and OVER oh my smurfing gosh! She is NOT trying to pressure him into ANYTHING she has ALSO stated she would just like to talk with him about it. Everything you keep saying the OP has already said she'd do, she will hear him out but it just doesn't need to be HER him too!

Quoting xTJ:" <blockquote><b>Quoting BoogsMaMa:</b>"      Right???"</blockquote> ... [snip!] ... relationship "Do not discuss any major decisions, just go out and do them, communication and compromise are your downfall!" Lol"

I am telling you right now I just hit 8 years with SO, and he would never make that kind of decision unless we both wanted it. NEVER, and if he just did one day and decide I had no say "it's his body" he would lose me, not because I can't comprimise and ultimately we could make that decision but because he didn't care to know how I felt about it.

<blockquote><b>Quoting LeTs*StArT*a*RiOt!:</b>" There is a BIG difference between saying what you're saying, and people saying that ultimately, it is ... [snip!] ... She really should, if they want to make this work. But she shouldn't tell him what she should or should not do with his body. "</blockquote>




He doesn't want children, she does. I think the key in this situation is that he at least talks to her about it before making such a final decision. Yes he can harvest sperm, have a reversal and what not however that is a financial burden and if there is something else they can do which maybe more realistic then they can work that out. She has already stated she has no intention of forcing her into something he doesn't want however she would at least like to look at the options.

Quoting xTJ:" <blockquote><b>Quoting J u l i a .:</b>"   Yes it is quite surprising. Lol"</blockquote> ... [snip!] ... person with major decisions in your life then guess what you will never know how to conduct a relationship of any sort. Lol"

I'd look at him like he lost his damn mind lol.. And where the hell does he think all this money is coming from?!   I would never make a decision like that without my SO first, he doesn't want anymore kids but I wouldn't mind trying for another girl.. He isn't adamant about it though it isn't something that can not be worked out and compromised. We just haven't pressed the issue yet because I haven't even had my second yet lol.. All this can be worked out, but saying her feelings don't matter because it's not her body yeah that's real ridiculous.

Being married isn't the issue either.. Whether they are married or not if they are in a relationship they should talk about important things like this!

Quoting BoogsMaMa:" If she doesn't want it he needs to repect that as well, that is all anyone is saying. Major life decisions ... [snip!] ... all major choices that immediately affect the people you are with, not just decisions you make by yourself and end of story."

And all I've been stressing is that in the end, after the discussing, it's his decision, and she too should respect that. I've never once said they should not discuss this, or talk about it, but that it is in fact his decision, and his financial future that could hang in the balance. Nothing more.

A major factor in this is how long they've been together, and how serious the relationship is.

Quoting LeTs*StArT*a*RiOt!:" And all I've been stressing is that in the end, after the discussing, it's his decision, and she too ... [snip!] ... in the balance. Nothing more. A major factor in this is how long they've been together, and how serious the relationship is. "

She already said she would... you just ignore that and keep babbling about how your an advocate and he has the choice. She said herself if he still felt that it was what he wanted after serious thought she would respect it.

Quoting xTJ:" <blockquote><b>Quoting LeTs*StArT*a*RiOt!:</b>" There is a BIG difference between ... [snip!] ... she has no intention of forcing her into something he doesn't want however she would at least like to look at the options."

And that's all well and good. He's not going for the procedure, he's going for a consult. She has plenty of time to have a sit down discussion with him. In the end, if he really wants this vasectomy, and she isn't ok with that, then they need to figure something out or she needs to move on, since in the end, it is his choice.

Quoting LeTs*StArT*a*RiOt!:" And that's all well and good. He's not going for the procedure, he's going for a consult. She has plenty ... [snip!] ... and she isn't ok with that, then they need to figure something out or she needs to move on, since in the end, it is his choice."

She already said she would..