Teaching 4 yrs old to

My DD is almost 4 years old and I've been trying to teach her to stand up for herself for a while, particularly with her cousin who sometimes ends up hitting her. So I talk to her about things that she could say to him ie I don't like that don't do that that's bit nice etc and all have failed, he still hits sometimes do one day after he almost hit her with a toy guitar I told her if he hits u just hit back. I know not cool but the kid wouldn't back off, and honestly if it wasn't family I would stop play dates and get together but u can't with a cousin and he does it during supervised play too...pushes/hits her after playing well together the minute I turn away. Do anyways today they came over they were playing well and I went to change my other baby I heard her cry and she came bedroom historical saying he hit her, I told her hit him back and she said I don't want to I don't like that. I talk with him for him to apologize and they play again. My thing is how do I go about teaching her to stand up for herself?

no matter how much i talk to my girls, my younger one is just sweet and won't do it. she is 3 about to be 4 on the 28th of feb. her older sister is 5. as a matter of fact, the 5 year old gave the 3 year old a black eye today.

when someone finds out what to do to toughen a sweet kid up, let me know lol.

How old is the cousin? I wouldn't have said hit back, I would have disciplined the child. Obviously the parents aren't doing it.

also i wouldn't care if it was family, i would stop play dates all together. the girls had a little cousin that was a dick and hit them all the time and dh and i quit letting them play together. his mom never disciplined him.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Heather ♥:</b>" no matter how much i talk to my girls, my younger one is just sweet and won't do it. she is 3 about to ... [snip!] ... year old gave the 3 year old a black eye today. when someone finds out what to do to toughen a sweet kid up, let me know lol."</blockquote>


Yes mine is so sweet I hated telling her to hit back but I want her to know its ok to defend herself ya know? She lets him get away with stuff, like today she has a tent that she LOVES to play with and he
Was so rough with it and it broke and she didn't say/do anything to him but after he leaves she cries about it talking about, my tent is broken mommy. Like y the hell didn't u tell him not to play rough with it? I'm just afraid of her letting other kids get away with doing whatever to her or her belongings when she starts school u know
?

<blockquote><b>Quoting £egendary £ex:</b>" How old is the cousin? I wouldn't have said hit back, I would have disciplined the child. Obviously the parents aren't doing it."</blockquote>




This.
You NEVER hit back it escalates things and can get the victim in trouble.
Tell her it's ok to block and yell 'no' she can push him away.
I'd stay in eye contact so it doesn't get to that point.
I'm so sorry she's getting hit.

Quoting luvmomyhood:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Heather ♥:</b>" no matter how much i talk to my girls, ... [snip!] ... I'm just afraid of her letting other kids get away with doing whatever to her or her belongings when she starts school u know ?"

yea school is what i am worried about too. with both of my kids. although with my oldest i punished her all day today and made her clean their room alone + a nap (which she never does anymore) and tonight when i talked to her she told me alana hit her first so she was hitting her back, and i explained to her that she needs to come tell me instead of hitting back. how old is your DD's cousin? maybe you try talking to him (if he is old enough of course) could help. if your family doesn't care if you discipline him then maybe put him in time out, too.

<blockquote><b>Quoting £egendary £ex:</b>" How old is the cousin? I wouldn't have said hit back, I would have disciplined the child. Obviously the parents aren't doing it."</blockquote>

He is 6...the mom tells him no hitting be nice stuff but doesn't punish so he does it and she don't like for anyone to discipline either so I stopped but I still tell him no don't do it or have said no threaten with time him out etc but he hard headed child. And my kid is the sweetest I'm fearful of her non chalant (sp) behavior continuing to school and kids giving her hard time there

Quoting luvmomyhood:" <blockquote><b>Quoting £egendary £ex:</b>" How old is the cousin? I wouldn't have said ... [snip!] ... my kid is the sweetest I'm fearful of her non chalant (sp) behavior continuing to school and kids giving her hard time there"

I don't think it's right to just tell her to hit back. Idk. I don't think it's really teaching anything. The real problem here is that no one is disciplining the cousin for hitting. So the mother doesn't let anyone else discipline, but just sits there & watches while he hits her? Yea, that shouldn't be allowed at all. I would be talking to her, or just say in a loud voice I'm going to put him in time out. lol

<blockquote><b>Quoting £egendary £ex:</b>" I don't think it's right to just tell her to hit back. Idk. I don't think it's really teaching anything. ... [snip!] ... that shouldn't be allowed at all. I would be talking to her, or just say in a loud voice I'm going to put him in time out. lol"</blockquote>




Or say loudly to the mother 'I'm sorry but if he doesn't stop hitting we won't be able to have you guys over anymore'

Quoting THE KATIE PRICE:" <blockquote><b>Quoting £egendary £ex:</b>" I don't think it's right to just tell ... [snip!] ... Or say loudly to the mother 'I'm sorry but if he doesn't stop hitting we won't be able to have you guys over anymore'"

 

no but really, I'd do that. That smurf is so rude, no way would I just sit there & watch someone else's kid hit mine.

<blockquote><b>Quoting £egendary £ex:</b>"   no but really, I'd do that. That smurf is so rude, no way would I just sit there & watch someone else's kid hit mine. "</blockquote>

No I don't just sit there and watch I have threaten with time outs I got up and left and we don't don't get together as much anymore but also it's more than the hitting, she don't say anything
When he/anyone really destroy her stuff but cries about it afterwards, is this typical 4 yr old behavior?