Child Care options*

Sorry, this is a bit long....but advice needed! ****

I have one four year old daughter and another one on the way in June.
I moved across the country when I married my husband so I don't have family here or any type of personal support network.
DH works ALL OF THE TIME. Even when he is home he is unavailable most of the time DD and I eat dinner alone and for example it is Sunday and he has a meeting that takes up most of the day.
I practiced AP with DD and plan to again. That means on demand breastfeeding , no CIO etc.
Now, we don't have family here that really helps out BUT we do have the means to hire whomever we want to assist and i have help with housekeeping and cooking.
However, most people in my position have nannies baby nurses etc and DH is constantly on my case about hiring one- especially when I ask him for help.
With baby #2 on the way I'm confused about what I want to do regarding help.
I don't feel comfortable having someone nanny my child and the woman who cooks for us does babysit if we need her to, BUT as DD gets older I don't feel like she has the language to deal with her like I want. DD runs her and it affects her behavior.

Most people only want full time child care jobs, it is hard to find a part time mothers helper type person and i DON'T TRUST ANYONE.

So for the QUESTION. OBVIOUSLY mothers have more than one child, and do all the housework and GET BY. I don't even have to do half the smurf others have to do but i still can't imagine parenting DD #2 like i did #1 and deal with the 4 year old and give her what she needs (she needs ALOT of attention).

What do you do? Is TV a big part of it?? I just know it is possible and i want to know why i feel burnt out with just one. What the hell am i doing wrong.

Sorry if this is convoluted -- i can answer any questions....

motherhood can be exhausting i dont think its anything you are doing wrong. if you really dont trust anyone to help with your children then youll just have to wait and see what happens when your 2nd child gets here.. then just live and learn to see what works best with your family. itll be hard yes but youll get used to it. have you tried checking out care.com for a part time helper?

<blockquote><b>Quoting Dr. Angelface:</b>" Sorry, this is a bit long....but advice needed! **** I have one four year old daughter and another one ... [snip!] ... i feel burnt out with just one. What the hell am i doing wrong. Sorry if this is convoluted -- i can answer any questions...."</blockquote>




Go through an agency for a part time nanny.

I miss ours   I was spoiled not having to clean my whole house all the time  

Summers I'm on my own and it's not that bad with 2. Go to museums, park, etc.

My 3 year old helps a lot with the baby. I include him in the care so he doesn't feel left out. We AP too.

i've never heard of it. i'll check it out. thanks.

i think what i need most is a pre-school teacher who wants a part time position as a babysitter. lol
impossible.

but i'm just really curious how others deal with an infant and a 4.5 year old.

oh did i mention DD still sleeps with us??

Quoting Brink:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Dr. Angelface:</b>" Sorry, this is a bit long....but advice ... [snip!] ... museums, park, etc. My 3 year old helps a lot with the baby. I include him in the care so he doesn't feel left out. We AP too."

how did you manage the constant BFing schedule of #2 and dealing with #1 ? I think that's my biggest concern.
Also i don't know how the heck i'm going to be driving her to preschool everyday with a newborn in june.  

<blockquote><b>Quoting Dr. Angelface:</b>" how did you manage the constant BFing schedule of #2 and dealing with #1 ? I think that's my biggest ... [snip!] ... concern. Also i don't know how the heck i'm going to be driving her to preschool everyday with a newborn in june.  "</blockquote>




Bfing was easy. DS1 would read books with me while I nursed or play with the baby's feet, coloring books were great too. I baby wear so I would have the baby in the carrier nursing doing our normal routine.

Driving to school won't be bad. Just get the car cooled before you all go out. Our preschool has a bus home.

I saw grow a pair, be an adult and learn how to do this smurf on your own. You sound extremely spoiled and whiney. If you can't actually care for another child, you shouldn't have another child. If you're not cooking and cleaning and all of that, I have no smurfing clue what you're worried about. Sit your spoiled princess ass down and get over it.

Quoting Devil Duckie:" I saw grow a pair, be an adult and learn how to do this smurf on your own. You sound extremely spoiled ... [snip!] ... cleaning and all of that, I have no smurfing clue what you're worried about. Sit your spoiled princess ass down and get over it."

LMFAO!! i was waiting for that one.
i'm not spoiled and i do know how to do this smurf. i didn't grow up with a silver spoon in my mouth which is why i'm uncomfortable having child care help
i raised my brother when i was 11 years old until i left home because i had two parents who worked all day.

i live in a 6000 square foot house. you try cleaning something that big yourself everyday and let me know how it goes.

i'm just being honest about my energy level and tolerance for dealing with kids. everyone is different.

how about instead of insulting me you tell me how you do it. specifically, how do you entertain your toddler while breastfeeding on demand every hour for 45 minutes around the clock for 2 months?

I have known you since you were pregnant and I think you are an AMAZING mommy. I can't believe how much of yourself you give to your kid. If you don't have to clean I say why do it honestly. And for me going from 1 to 2 was soooo hard and I am really glad that you might get some help.

And I would hardly classify this post as whining. We wouldn't chastize people for having less that us... why do it for those who have more?

Quoting Dr. Angelface:" how did you manage the constant BFing schedule of #2 and dealing with #1 ? I think that's my biggest ... [snip!] ... concern. Also i don't know how the heck i'm going to be driving her to preschool everyday with a newborn in june.  "

The preschool is rough, that was the most difficult with the newborn. Can you maybe have that be the job? Picking her up and helping in the evenings? Maybe you drop her off in the am and spend the day with the baby. And the nanny picks her up and brings her to you guys

How do I do it? Yes, t.v. does help sometimes LOL. Also having some free time when he is in school. Luckily next year he will be in kindergarden, so full-time pretty much. I don't have 2 kids yet though & feel pretty nervous as well. My partner does help though on his days off otherwise I would probably consider a part time nanny as well, haha.

Quoting TantricLemons:" I have known you since you were pregnant and I think you are an AMAZING mommy. I can't believe how much ... [snip!] ... clean I say why do it honestly. And for me going from 1 to 2 was soooo hard and I am really glad that you might get some help."

thanks for that! you know-- i just don't want Nat to feel deprived of attention once the new baby comes she is so used to having so much of me.

Next year when she starts 9am-2pm preschool i think it will be much easier. I'm just tweaking out right now

Quoting Dr. Angelface:" thanks for that! you know-- i just don't want Nat to feel deprived of attention once the new baby comes ... [snip!] ... so much of me. Next year when she starts 9am-2pm preschool i think it will be much easier. I'm just tweaking out right now "

freaking out right? haha

Quoting £egendary £ex:" freaking out right? haha"

that too. lol.