re: Excluding BD, for my own sanity.

I was in your exact situation! The man I am with now IS my son's daddy, the only daddy he knows. I tried sooo hard to get to know his biological father. But he just didn't wanna give it a shot. So I gave him baby updates via facebook all throughout my pregnancy, which he ignored. He has seen my son 3 times since he has been born...only because his family was in town & basically forced him to. He has never helped buy anything for him, doesn't call to check on him, doesn't even check up on him through facebook. He never really cared too much anyways, so I expected it. All I can say is follow your heart. You don't have to be with him in order for him to be a father to your child.

Quoting Colton's Mommy ♥:" I was in your exact situation! The man I am with now IS my son's daddy, the only daddy he knows. I tried ... [snip!] ... I expected it. All I can say is follow your heart. You don't have to be with him in order for him to be a father to your child."

I would love for him to be a dad without being with me, I have no interest in being with this guy, whatsoever, but as soon as I told him I didn't want a relationship I stopped hearing from him...

Quoting MahmuhMahmuh:" Child support would mean paternity was determined, it would also mean I would have to fight in court ... [snip!] ... show up and take the child I couldn't stop him.. If he isn't on the BC and doesn't have a paternity decree, it is kidnapping."

That only happens if he gives a smurf enough to take you to court, it just doesn't automatically happen. I mean it is your choice but he could still get rights if he really wanted to. I never understood why people think a dude could just walk up in your house & take the kid because he claimed paternity to the kid...lol. You would have to let him in your house, he couldn't just trespass his way into your home.

Yeh they usually have to ask for custody or visitation, most don't even show up for the court date lol

I think even if he took the child with partial custody it would be parental kidnapping and he could be charged, you still have to give permission.

Quoting Mrs. Reynolds:" Yeh they usually have to ask for custody or visitation, most don't even show up for the court date lol ... [snip!] ... took the child with partial custody it would be parental kidnapping and he could be charged, you still have to give permission."

Exactly, they do lol. My bd says he wants vistation soo badly, yet won't go down to the court house to ask for it lol.

Quoting ❥ Meℓi:" That only happens if he gives a smurf enough to take you to court, it just doesn't automatically happen. ... [snip!] ... claimed paternity to the kid...lol. You would have to let him in your house, he couldn't just trespass his way into your home."

If paternity is established and we don't have a visitation arrangement he has the same and equal rights as I do...And I know how easy it is to pick up a child and take off with it, that's how I got my son back when I was fighting his dad in court and he decided he was going to try and keep him after being an absent dad , pulled up, he was playing outside, he saw me and immediately ran to me.. I put him in the car and drove off.. took about 30 seconds my ex came around the corner yelling but there was nothing he could do..

<blockquote><b>Quoting MahmuhMahmuh:</b>" I would love for him to be a dad without being with me, I have no interest in being with this guy, whatsoever, but as soon as I told him I didn't want a relationship I stopped hearing from him..."</blockquote>




Damn girl, I swear it's like you are living my life...lol. My BD did the same thing. See, we had a one night stand (I am so ashamed, but at least I got a beautiful baby boy out of it). I attempted to get to know him & just couldn't...there was no talking to him. We had nothing in common, he only wanted to have anything to do with me when he was drunk. I just couldn't do it. The man I am with now was already a really great friend of mine before I got pregnant. He never once judged me for getting pregnant or how I got pregnant. When I told BD I didn't want to be with him & that we would be better parents alone, he agreed 100% (hasn't talked to me much since, tops 10 times & I was 7 weeks pregnant when we made that decision). About a month later SO & I decided to make it official. He has been to every single doctors appointment, helped buy things for the baby, was there for my birth, stays up with him during the night & wakes me when it's time for feedings & he doesn't even look at my son as anything less than his.


ETA: Sorry if this is all over the place & doesn't make much sense. I was talking to SO while typing it. Lol.

Quoting MahmuhMahmuh:" If paternity is established and we don't have a visitation arrangement he has the same and equal rights ... [snip!] ... him in the car and drove off.. took about 30 seconds my ex came around the corner yelling but there was nothing he could do.."

Wow that is crazy. Yea my BD is allowed to see her when he wants but as far as him taking her on his own, he knows it has to be through the courts...and there will be an order in place if he wants to take her out on his own...just the way it is with us any ways.

Quoting ❥ Meℓi:" Wow that is crazy. Yea my BD is allowed to see her when he wants but as far as him taking her on his ... [snip!] ... the courts...and there will be an order in place if he wants to take her out on his own...just the way it is with us any ways."

I think I am quoting the wrong post but anyways. The laws are different in every state. If a guy is on the birth certificate he does have rights to the kid in Texas and then can just walk in and take your kid.

Quoting Monica♥YASDYARDFR:" I think I am quoting the wrong post but anyways. The laws are different in every state. If a guy is ... [snip!] ... If a guy is on the birth certificate he does have rights to the kid in Texas and then can just walk in and take your kid. "

My BD isn't on the birth certificate lol. Yea but regardless you can't just walk into anyone's home if you are the father or not, it is still trespassing.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Colton's Mommy ♥:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting MahmuhMahmuh:</b>" I would love for him to be a dad without ... [snip!] ... less than his. ETA: Sorry if this is all over the place & doesn't make much sense. I was talking to SO while typing it. Lol."</blockquote>

Just throwing my two cents in, this was kinda what I was going to recommend. It's what my mom did and I'm thankful every day that she did it. She was raped by someone she knew when she was 17 (so not quite the same thing) and rather than putting that guy's name on my birth certificate, she put my father's. He really wanted kids and never treated me like anything less than his. While they didn't last as a couple, I ended up with an attentive and wonderful father.