re: Excluding BD, for my own sanity.

Quoting Monica♥YASDYARDFR:" Because I would rather not give the father any rights until he is ready to man up and take them. Getting ... [snip!] ... I would rather the child stay with my parents or whoever else had been in her life that she knew and was comfortable with. "

She doesn't have to put him on the birth cert. When she goes to get child support, they will just need DNA test. Child support doesn't always give rights.

Quoting Monica♥YASDYARDFR:" And courts do tend to give visitation rights to fathers. My brother wasn't there for my nephew the first ... [snip!] ... the first six months of his life because he was a dumbass. When she took him to court for child support he got visitation. "

Ok, so even if it is through the courts....if they don't abide by the visitation rules then they get it taken away, simple as that. My BD is ordered to pay child support but his ass obviously doesn't give a smurf enough to get off his ass and go down tot he court to ask for visitation.

Quoting Blair Waldorf (SuperKink):" It doesn't work like that in the state of Georgia. The father has no rights until he petitions the courts ... [snip!] ... whomever since the child did not know her biological father and he had no custody of her. But all states have different laws."

In Texas the guy can petition for rights whenever he is petitioned for child support. I am just throwing this out there for the OP. I don't know the laws in her state but to me it was worth mentioning.

Someone else stated that if the guy doesn't abide by vistiation it gets taken away. That isn't true, at least not in Texas. My cousins baby daddy comes and gets the girl when he feels like it. Her other kids are all with her current husband and sucks to see her daughter be the odd man out because baby daddy comes and gets her whenever he feels like it.

Quoting Monica♥YASDYARDFR:" I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I would give him the chance to be there and if he doesn't ... [snip!] ... money is worth putting my child through the pain of dealing with an absentee father. I think I would rather not deal with that."

At this point in time, well with the way things are I will not be listing him on the birth certificate or seeking child support.. In the state where I live DNA alone does not give him rights, he would have to establish paternity in court to get legal rights to the child. Thankfully I am well advised on the subject after a dramatic custody battle over my older children.

If he wants to be around he'll have to make the effort. I'm not refusing CS because I want him to be around, it just won't be worth what it would cost me to pursue it.. I make nearly twice what he does and he has 3 other kids he already pays for but owes a ton in back support..

Quoting Monica♥YASDYARDFR:" Because I would rather not give the father any rights until he is ready to man up and take them. Getting ... [snip!] ... I would rather the child stay with my parents or whoever else had been in her life that she knew and was comfortable with. "

That's only if the mother doesnt havent anything in her will regarding who is to take the child. He could try to fight it after the fact but it's unlikely the courts would award him custody if she died if he's been an absent parent, at most he would get visitation.

I took my useless piece of smurf for child support. He didn't get ANY kind of visitation rights and I have full custody. I didn't even ask for it.

Quoting KyliesMommy2012:" She doesn't have to put him on the birth cert. When she goes to get child support, they will just need DNA test. Child support doesn't always give rights."

If he is the father she has to go and pay the state $30 to put his name on the birth certif and get a new copy anyways so pointless to avoid it.

Quoting KyliesMommy2012:" She doesn't have to put him on the birth cert. When she goes to get child support, they will just need DNA test. Child support doesn't always give rights."

I would have to establish paternity to seek child support, and unless he seeks his rights to the child in court I will not be the one to establish that, for the reasons the other mama listed, I refuse to be an "equal parent" in the eyes of the law with someone who is likely never going to be around..

Quoting Mrs. Reynolds:" If he is the father she has to go and pay the state $30 to put his name on the birth certif and get a new copy anyways so pointless to avoid it."

Not here. He would have to convince a judge to force me to add him to the birth certificate, it isn't an automatic, even with my son they asked if I wanted to list his father on the BC, because we weren't married I didn't have to..

Quoting kentucky momma:" Im in a similar situation, my BD and I arent together and when he found out that i was seeing someone ... [snip!] ... that he wants NOTJING to do with our son when hes born...but he hasnt been there at all during the pregnancy and im due in May"

SOunds like you arent going to miss out on much then ^.^ Some men are idiots. Like we're really going to be broken up or forced out of a happy relationship because our child would miss out on having an immature prick around  


Sorry OP I don't really understand that.. You don't want to get child support just in case he wants partial custody because you don't want to share custody with someone who won't be around? Wouldn't that fix the whole issue anyways since you wouldn't be really sharing the custody since he wouldn't be around? lol Or is your current guy shown an interest in putting his name on the birth certif and being dad? Which is awesome!

Quoting KyliesMommy2012:" She doesn't have to put him on the birth cert. When she goes to get child support, they will just need DNA test. Child support doesn't always give rights."

Actually, my bd didn't get DNA tested when they asked him if DD was his or not....all he did was sign a paper saying he acknowledges DD as his....if he would of said no she wasn't his then, they would of done a DNA test. AND he is NOT on the Birth Certificate.

Quoting MahmuhMahmuh:" Not here. He would have to convince a judge to force me to add him to the birth certificate, it ... [snip!] ... automatic, even with my son they asked if I wanted to list his father on the BC, because we weren't married I didn't have to.."

That's exactly how it is here. We aren't married and I didn't HAVE to put SO on the birth cert. It isn't required here.

Quoting MahmuhMahmuh:" Not here. He would have to convince a judge to force me to add him to the birth certificate, it ... [snip!] ... automatic, even with my son they asked if I wanted to list his father on the BC, because we weren't married I didn't have to.."

ugh must be nice. They told me legally I had to do it here. I was pissed. Also pissed that they didn't make HIM pay for it since he was the douchebag that denied she was his and made us do the whole paternity test to begin with!

Quoting Monica♥YASDYARDFR:" In Texas the guy can petition for rights whenever he is petitioned for child support. I am just throwing ... [snip!] ... husband and sucks to see her daughter be the odd man out because baby daddy comes and gets her whenever he feels like it."

Some dude's don't care enough to get visitation....my BD doesn't give a smurf enough...AND a guy could still try and get rights even if he wasn't paying CS, so I don't see what the difference is?

Quoting Mrs. Reynolds:" SOunds like you arent going to miss out on much then ^.^ Some men are idiots. Like we're really going ... [snip!] ... around? lol Or is your current guy shown an interest in putting his name on the birth certif and being dad? Which is awesome!"

Child support would mean paternity was determined, it would also mean I would have to fight in court for sole custody, because in almost all cases joint custody is awarded. I don't want him to have rights if he won't be around, just in case he ever got a wild hair to show up and take the child I couldn't stop him.. If he isn't on the BC and doesn't have a paternity decree, it is kidnapping.

Quoting MahmuhMahmuh:" Child support would mean paternity was determined, it would also mean I would have to fight in court ... [snip!] ... show up and take the child I couldn't stop him.. If he isn't on the BC and doesn't have a paternity decree, it is kidnapping."

I agree with you. No amount of money is worth that.