TTC and not telling a soul.

I have decided that due to issues I have been having at home (nothing bad between DH and I more adjustment to pcsing and depression from losing the baby in Dec) that we are not going to tell anyone if/when we get pregnant again for a while.

I doubt I am going to even tell anyone we are trying for another baby. After coming to the conclusion that we were upset and hadn't talked it all out about our loss I realized that we got absolutely NO support from our families. My mother is even here and the day after it happened she slept all day while I was curled up in pain and crying. DHs family only called to say "I am sorry but it's what was meant to be" and while that may be true it hurt. We already feel disconnected enough as it is by being in Hawaii and never hearing from anyone....why should we share our joy of a new baby?

Maybe I am being selfish. I dunno... Wwyd?

Don't feel pressured to give anyone updates on your personal life. If you don't feel like your family will give you the support you need then don't mention any of it to them, at least for a while. It's not being selfish, it's protecting yourself emotionally. Break the good news when you feel comfortable in doing so, and have a happy healthy pregnancy!!

Quoting Sophie West:" Don't feel pressured to give anyone updates on your personal life. If you don't feel like your family ... [snip!] ... yourself emotionally. Break the good news when you feel comfortable in doing so, and have a happy healthy pregnancy!!"

!!!!
We are not telling anyone because DH's family is really judgmental and my MIL is very controlling (she is on our bank account since it's the same one DH had in HS and she goes and looks what we spend our money on and how much we have) and we know they won't understand why we want to TTC right now, but we talked about it and WE think it's a great time and our comfortable with our decision.

Quoting Madi's*Mama:" !!!! We are not telling anyone because DH's family is really judgmental and my MIL is very controlling ... [snip!] ... why we want to TTC right now, but we talked about it and WE think it's a great time and our comfortable with our decision. "

....uhm, why don't you guys just get a NEW bank account?

Quoting Madi's*Mama:" !!!! We are not telling anyone because DH's family is really judgmental and my MIL is very controlling ... [snip!] ... why we want to TTC right now, but we talked about it and WE think it's a great time and our comfortable with our decision. "

That is insane. Why don't you get a new account? I'd never allow that in my marriage.



OP, it is nobody's business what you and your husband are doing. Don't feel like they are entitled to that information because they are not.

Quoting Mommy Pwnt Pwnt[A&T]:" I have decided that due to issues I have been having at home (nothing bad between DH and I more adjustment ... [snip!] ... Hawaii and never hearing from anyone....why should we share our joy of a new baby? Maybe I am being selfish. I dunno... Wwyd?"

I think you should do what you feel is comfortable for you guys. We were TTC for 3 years and never really told people we were trying, if anyone asked I would just say we'd like another one eventually. So everyone knew that we wanted one but no one knew that we were actively trying and did any sort of fertility treatments and how depressed I was that I couldn't get pregnant. I didn't feel comfortable letting people know that stuff. Mostly because I wasn't sure I knew how I wanted them to act, but I knew their response probably wouldn't have been what I needed at the time. Just focus on you and your family and getting to a good place and when it happens you can be excited and tell everyone when it feels right to you as well. That is the one good thing with military life (which I'm just assuming you are)... everyone doesn't have to be all up in your business if you don't want them to be. We'll be heading to Hawaii in May also btw.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Rotton Kind of Cute:</b>" ....uhm, why don't you guys just get a NEW bank account?"</blockquote>

Trust me its a constant agurment. I was JUST added to the account last month and that was a battle. Dh doesn't feel like its necessary to get a new one. He's had this one forever and he doesn't like change. He keeps saying I'm right and that we will get a new one but he never does and I don't work so it's his only his paycheck going into the account.

This is none of anyone elses business, as much as they seem to think otherwise. You are not being at all selfish, I think it would be best because, when you DO get pregnant, you will have time to adjust to the news as a family before you involve anyone else...and nobody really NEEDS to know you are TTC because everyone has an opinion and nobody seems to have a filter about those opinions.

We've been TTC for 3 years and I did involve my family and told his parents at the beginning that we were TTC, but I don;t think they know now.
My mom has actually went with me to several of my checkups to see what was our next steps.
As for telling the rest of my family, I've brought it up once or twice in the past, but everytime I do they say something like, "Its gods will if your not meant to have another baby" Umm Yea like I need to hear that.
It was only recently when I posted some silly graphics on my wall about TTC which no one cares. And the only reason I posted that was because my family tried to keep my cousins wifes 3RD Pregnancy away from me (shes had going on 3 children in the time we've been TTC   )
It really is a emotional rollercoaster TTC sometimes I feel like givig up but then I have to remember I'm only more closer to getting pregnant.
As for if finding out I'm pregnant I can't really keep my mouth shut, so I would probably tell anyways, even though I really don't care if anyone else knows

Thanks every one for all the positive replies   it makes me feel so much better knowing that I am not being selfish in wanting to not tell people.

My biggest issue with them is they want me to go back to school which I do as well but right now we can't swing it. Daycare is outrageous here and DH works some crazy hours (next month it's 12hr nights yay...not) we have been talking about this for a long while and we will be in a stable place for the next 2yrs before we have to pcs again so why not? Yes DS is only 11mo but I would much rather have them all young now and grow up together... Not to mention we pcs'd when DS was 5mo old and it was such a stress to help him adjust and killed my milk supply. Everything just feels right about it. We prayed and both feel that when it happens it happens and have agreed to just stop using protection. It feels right... But I don't need my family or his (even though I know they mean well) beating us down about wanting another baby.

<blockquote><b>Quoting KayMay ♥:</b>" I think you should do what you feel is comfortable for you guys. We were TTC for 3 years and never really ... [snip!] ... everyone doesn't have to be all up in your business if you don't want them to be. We'll be heading to Hawaii in May also btw."</blockquote>

That's why I love us being in Hawaii and hate it all at once. When we were in Lejeune we were four hours from my family and his lives in WA so we were kinda close to some but not enough that they were heavily involved. It gets lonely being here though not knowing but one other person other than DH.

What branch btw?

Also where it has emerged DH and I are going to a counselor (over the loss and pcs depression) it's like 10x worse from everyone saying we need to work things out and not worry about a baby. And not to throw this out there but I honestly think unless you're a military family or have to move a lot you can't really understand how much it sucks to be somewhere new every 2-3yrs and it be so vastly different.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Charlee ♥ Jensen:</b>" This is none of anyone elses business, as much as they seem to think otherwise. You are not being at ... [snip!] ... really NEEDS to know you are TTC because everyone has an opinion and nobody seems to have a filter about those opinions. "</blockquote>




I love you Kendra thank you <3

i think you should keep it to yourself as well. You are not being selfish. It is no ones business. I can really relate to this. We TTC for 4 years for our first daughter and the whole time we got all sorts of nasty comments like "don't you think it would be smarter to wait until you are more financially stable" and now that we have our daughter i have always wanted another baby. So we finally started to TTC after 4 years of waiting to get our lifes in order. I have only told my best friend since i know i can trust her and she always supports me. Other then that i have told no one and i don't plan to tell anyone until i start showing (if /when i do get pregnant again)

You need to watch out for yourself and your husband and if the both of you feel it's right then go ahead and do what you like!

Quoting Mommy Pwnt Pwnt[A&T]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Charlee ♥ Jensen:</b>" This is none of anyone elses business, ... [snip!] ... an opinion and nobody seems to have a filter about those opinions. "</blockquote> I love you Kendra thank you <3"

I love you too <3

Quoting Mommy Pwnt Pwnt[A&T]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting KayMay ♥:</b>" I think you should do what you feel is ... [snip!] ... to move a lot you can't really understand how much it sucks to be somewhere new every 2-3yrs and it be so vastly different."

That's one thing that I'm anxious about... being plopped in the middle of the pacific not knowing a single sole. DH is army though, he's currently at school right now in the process of switching his MOS so I have no idea what to expect... I have 6+years experience with what to expect with his old job but no clue what we're getting ourselves into, sp I completely understand it's such a huge adjustment... for everyone and feeling you have a responsibility to make everyone happy. How long have you guys been on the island so far? Honestly in the end it's really no one else's business and the less they know usually the better. I always thought being open to get people's support was better, until I realized I was left disappointed more often than not. It's your life and family if they don't like it they can deal with that on their end. But the last thing you need is everyone else's negativity when you're trying to be positive and make transitions. You'll more than likely never be able to make everyone happy. And I see nothing wrong with the counseling, I think it's healthy and a learning experience and kind of fun. Me and DH went a few years back and it helped us a lot even to just take the time and focus on us, each other, and our relationship. I wish you a whole lot of luck and hope that everything starts falling into place really soon!