Nap/bedtime help

Ahh help, Alyssa is so tired she's trying to go to sleep but it too early for her. Any time I let her go to bed a few hours before bedtime she wakes up at midnight then thinks it's time to get up and party til 5-6am. I'm trying to keep her awake but she's being so grumpy and is super upset. I tried to get her to nap around 1 but she wouldn't... she does this everyday almost!  

What about an earlier bed time? If my son naps a little before bedtime, he never sleeps good. But if he gets tired early and I just put him in bed for the night, he doesn't wake up to party in the middle of the night lol.

Well thats what I mean, I could put her down to bed now but she will think its a nap and wake up in a few hours ready to play   For a while our schedule was all jacked up because we both had the flu so we'd sleep off and on throughout the day. It got to the point that we were sleeping about 4am-noon I just finally fixed it so she goes to bed around 9 and wakes up around 8 or 9, I go to bed around 11-midnight and wake up at 7. I just don't want to throw her schedule off again but would prefer an earlier bed time.

She's struggling to stay awake and so when she finally goes down to her it is just her nap. (this is what i'm reading, it's how my son was too).

Why are you choosing 1pm for a nap? Perhaps you can help her to nap at a time more suited to her sleep needs, and then she'll go to bed for the night at a better time. My son's naptime was very much based on awake periods, i would never go by a specific clock time. So for e.g. he would nap 4 hours after waking in the morning, and then go to bed for the night after being awake for 6 hours. These times adjusted slightly as he got older based on his growth, cognitive and developmental needs and it did take a bit of trial and error sometimes to get it just right so the rhythm was smooth again.

He was only ready to be encouraged to not nap anymore when his night time sleep was no longer affected by it, that didn't happen until after 2.5. Prior to 2.5 if he didn't nap then his night time sleep was rubbish (and that was if i could even keep him awake all day). I found that he had to be awake for a minimum of 9 solid hours to be able to sleep for the night. So if he were tired after 5 or 6 hours, then he'd be encouraged to nap. If he wasn't tired after 7+ hours then i'd try to keep him awake till he'd done the 9 and then he'd sleep for the night. When he did nap i left him for as long as he needed to, and then after 4+ hours awake he would be ready to go to bed for the night. Even though he was taking his nap later in the day, it meant his night time sleep was a bit shorter and so it all worked out that he was waking at a similar time whether he'd napped late the previous day or not.

So basically, 1pm might not be the right time for her just now. Maybe try going off her required awake periods rather than a random clock time.

(If she's regularly got her days and nights mixed up, for example If she's going to sleep at 5am for the 'night' then don't wake her up in the morning after only a few hours sleep as that will just continue to knock her totally off. If you can leave her to sleep till 2pm for a proper duration of 'night' sleep, then she can go to bed at 11pm for the night and then be up at 9am in the morning, that way she's gone through a proper circadian rhythm for her body and will be back on track again.)

Quoting Alyssa's mommy [EBFT]:" Well thats what I mean, I could put her down to bed now but she will think its a nap and wake up in a ... [snip!] ... around 11-midnight and wake up at 7. I just don't want to throw her schedule off again but would prefer an earlier bed time."

That makes sense.
If she's going to bed at 9pm and waking up at 9am what's the problem?

As my son got older he needed to be awake for 6 hours before his nap, so that would mean waking up at 9am, napping from 3-6pm and then going to bed at 10pm and getting up the next day at 9am and doing the same all over again. That way he was still getting around 14 hours sleep in 24, he was never over tired, always well rested and happy. 1pm might just be too soon for her. I'm in Europe so idk what time it is there, but if she can't stay awake a full day then a later nap sounds like what she needs now. A lot of people seem to be afraid that later naps will mean they go to bed to late and therefore wake up too late the next day. But i've found that a later nap is fine as it means he's had more sleep and so his night time sleep is a bit shorter.

Just try things out and see, try to figure out the awake periods she needs and how many hours sleep she needs during the night to be able to function her best the next day. Sometimes that is a lot more helpful than stressing over clock times  

Well for about the past 3-4 months she completely ditched naps, now she seems to want/need them. 1pm isn't the magical number but she got up at 8 today so I figured 1pm would be a good time, after we had gone to the park and had lunch. If she doesn't lay down before 3 I don't let her nap because she takes 3 hour naps so 4pm etc is too late for her to nap. She fights to stay awake and once its like 6pm she's tired and tries to fall asleep.

DS naps for 3 hours aswel, like i say a long nap can mean a shorter night time sleep and they still wake up at the same time in the morning.

If she's really fighting sleep and is tired for a good while before bed that could be why she's seeing it as a nap.

Could you do quiet time instead so she has opportunity to nap in a more inviting way? e.g. listening to an audio book and snuggling in bed. An hour of quiet time could either lead to her falling asleep for a nap or to getting a boost enough to make it through to bedtime.

Can she wake up at 8 and go to bed at 6pm then like you describe? if she's tired in the day it's perfectly possible that due to fighting sleep she still needs to sleep 14 hours at night instead. My son will tack on his nap to his night time sleep sometimes when he doesn't nap. There's a lot of cognitive development at this age and my LO seems to be on a constant growth spurt, it makes sense they need a lot of sleep. I'd just go with it and do as she needs, it's all just little phases anyway so no point stressing over it if you don't have to