I'm beginning to regret ever having agreed to it. But at the same time, I still care for him a great deal and would like to catch up. And not ruin our family's' relationships with each other by making it awkward if I say no and we keep avoiding each other.
We broke up almost a year ago now. We just couldn't compromise and without that there was literally no possibility of a future. He lives out of the country and neither of us was willing to move halfway around the world, as one of us would always be leaving our own family behind. And I couldn't cope with the back and forth. So I broke it off and he went back to his home, we've barely talked since.
But except for that... our relationship was good. Wonderful, actually. That's why I'm so nervous about seeing him again. If it was someone I broke up with because I wasn't in love with them, or because I couldn't stand them, a civil dinner after a year would be nothing. But I know the moment I see him, all those old feelings are going to come right back. 3 years of memories, mostly happy ones, with someone don't just go away.
Half of me wants to run away, and the other half doesn't want to let him get away again.