My child does not like "praise"

I try to get excited for something that he does and he just acts all embarassed. He's been like this for a long time, he's 3 btw. Like, for potty training, we would try to make a big deal when he went and he just doesn't like it and doesn't respond well to it. So, we stopped saying any more than good job, or I'm proud of you and he's done very well. Now, he just had his first basketball practice last night and at first he got very frustrated because he doesn't know how to dribble and he started crying saying that he doesn't want to do it anymore and he wanted to go home. I tried being very excited for him and praise him and he just got all embarrased. He ended up having fun doing everything else in the practice but I guess I just need to train myself to not get really excited for him. I think it's odd, is anyone else's kid like this? He'll do high fives and such, he just hates over exaggerated praise, if that makes since.

Also, what are some ways to encourage him in basketball and to keep trying even when he's not very good, lol?

He sounds like he actually might just be very smart and serious. Maybe try telling him "If you keep practicing you'll get better".. That's what I have to do with SS but he's almost 7 so that's a bit older.... I can remember at a very young age getting upset when adults were condescending, even though what I was experiencing was the norm. I can't believe he's only three and does that though! Sounds more like a teenager, lol

I am still like that. If someone gets all excited over something I do it makes me nervous and embarrassed. I would keep with the great job thing and high fives.

With the BB I would just tell him to keep practicing. DD also gets really frustrated when she wants to do something like that and it isn't working the way she planned.

I just read something yesterday about praise being counter productive. Man I'll go see if I can find it... but basically if you just tweak things a bit and make them more about their feelings instead of yours it makes a world of difference. For example just changing 'I'm so proud of you!' to "You must be so proud of yourself'... things like that. Hold on I'll go search my history.

Quoting Cheeks mom:" He sounds like he actually might just be very smart and serious. Maybe try telling him "If you keep practicing ... [snip!] ... what I was experiencing was the norm. I can't believe he's only three and does that though! Sounds more like a teenager, lol"

He is very smart, and he's used to being able to figure things out quickly. I think that's why he got so frustrated last night, all of the other kids could dribble at least a little but he just kept bouncing it off his feet, lol. But yeah, he gets shy and embarassed and will smile and look away. I'm having a hard time with this, lol. I told him that with practice he will get better and we will practice at home so he will be able to do it for his game (one is tomorrow). I'm at work now, I hope DH is working with him at home. I just worry that he won't even want to practice and I don't want to punish him but I also will not allow him to quit. I want him to enjoy the experience.

Quoting Mama❍Moon:" I just read something yesterday about praise being counter productive. Man I'll go see if I can find ... [snip!] ... changing 'I'm so proud of you!' to "You must be so proud of yourself'... things like that. Hold on I'll go search my history. "

That makes since. I can see/tell when he is proud of himself, I love it.

Ah here it is... it's about praise vs encouragement.

http://www.brighthorizons.com/efamily-news/articles/september-26-2012-positive-parenting-encouragement-versus-praise

Quoting Mama❍Moon:" Ah here it is... it's about praise vs encouragement. http://www.brighthorizons.com/efamily-news/articles/september-26-2012-positive-parenting-encouragement-versus-praise"

Thank you, I will give it a read! I need help, haha. I'm not great with kids and he's my only one!

Ask him how he feels instead of telling him how you feel. When you praise, you're giving approval and judgement and it doesn't leave room for the other person to explore what they are feeling or what to do next. You can share excitement or say how something made you feel without labelling/evaluating what he is doing.

Some kids don't like praise particularly because they can see it's coercive/manipulation a lot of the time and it's conditional.
Google Kohn The problem with praise, or the damage of praise, Or 'damage or carrot and stick natural child project' for articles that explain why praise can be detrimental.

Quoting Colt's mommy:" Thank you, I will give it a read! I need help, haha. I'm not great with kids and he's my only one!"

no problem, it really made me think about what I say to my kids all the time!!

My 3 year old DS is like that too, i'll be like "Good job" and he'll be like Noooo or he'll run away idk it's the weirdest thing.

Thank you ladies, very helpful!

Quoting Colt's mommy:" He is very smart, and he's used to being able to figure things out quickly. I think that's why he got ... [snip!] ... even want to practice and I don't want to punish him but I also will not allow him to quit. I want him to enjoy the experience."

you can't force anyone to enjoy something.

Alfie Kohn and Marshal Rosenberg are 2 people who write about conditional parenting and the harm of praise. It's really worth a read. But then i've been going on about them on here for 2 years and most ppl couldn't care less ha

Quoting Mama*AtoZ:" you can't force anyone to enjoy something. Alfie Kohn and Marshal Rosenberg are 2 people who write ... [snip!] ... praise. It's really worth a read. But then i've been going on about them on here for 2 years and most ppl couldn't care less ha"

I just mean I want to give him the right tools to be able to enjoy it vs doing something in a way that has an unintended negative effect, if that makes since. He did have a very good time the rest of the time, I think he was just overwhelmed at first, and frustrated.