exposed and out of control. trigger warning.

I’m going to apologize in advance. This is probably going to be long, jumbled, and there will probably be typos. And as I am not sure where to begin, I may as well start at the beginning.
My grandfather is a child molester. He was beaten, raped, and humiliated as a child, and repeated the cycle on his own children, grandchildren, and other relatives. Although numerous adults were made aware of what was happening throughout the years, he was never so much as arrested. It became our family’s well guarded secret. And while I cannot fathom how so many parents could knowingly subject their children to sexual torture, I myself have not had the courage to come forward in any public or legal way. So I feel like I’m just as guilty. To this day, he lives freely. A lonely, miserable, weak old man because of all those he hurt.
One of my uncles is rich and famous, I guess you could say. I won’t go into too much detail, but he used to be VP of a multi-billion dollar corporation, and now he’s signed with Obama. He also runs a foundation that feeds and houses abused and homeless youth. He recently did several interviews where he spoke out against sexual abuse and basically laid out what my grandfather had put him (and the rest of us) through. A family member sent me all of the links. There were details that, to put it simply, gave me a massive panic attack, to the point that I was thinking of hurting myself and my SO threatened to take me to a psych ward.
Now that I’ve had a chance to calm down, I am finding myself feeling ANGRY with my uncle for doing the interviews at all. Intellectually, I know I couldn’t be more wrong. He had every right to clean the skeletons out of his closet, and it was probably a huge step in his journey to healing. But emotionally, I am feeling exposed and betrayed. It wasn’t only his secret to tell. Now everyone will know and I will have no control over anything.
I’m not sure what the point of this post really is. I just need someone to talk to. I needed to vent. Like, why am I having such an extreme reaction? I’ve had it all pushed out of my mind for almost a decade. And now I feel like I’m right back there.
I’m feeling very hopeless.
Help.

did you think you had control of the secret? He did nothing wrong by telling his story.

He had absolutely NO right to share what happened to anyone but himself. I'm so sorry this happened to you and I hope that you will be able to heal. Can you see a therapist or a counselor?

Quoting Jude ♥ JGL:" He had absolutely NO right to share what happened to anyone but himself. I'm so sorry this happened to you and I hope that you will be able to heal. Can you see a therapist or a counselor? "

Did he actually share that it happened to everyone else though? I was thinking she just said the rest of us cause he did the same thing to all of them

I'm confused .... why is him talking about how he was abused a betrayal to you?

Quoting BG Secrets:" I’m going to apologize in advance. This is probably going to be long, jumbled, and there will probably ... [snip!] ... it all pushed out of my mind for almost a decade. And now I feel like I’m right back there. I’m feeling very hopeless. Help."

If you want to PM me on your normal account we can talk in private about this.

But in any case, he did what he thought was right, and ya it probably is helping him heal from his abuse. A lot of situations where you are sponsoring and putting funding into a taboo safe haven like that everyone and their brother will push for a reasoning behind why he chose this instead of something less taboo. Sexual Assault is still that thing you don't just talk about.

My advice for you is to talk to a therapist yourself and maybe even seek out a Incest/sexual assault Survivors group. They are a really great thing and having people who have been where you are helps you cope with it.

It might be a good thing to have the secret out in the open. Keeping such a secret is a huge burden on anyone, it might feel terrible now, but you don't have to lie and cover your grandfather anymore. It might help others who went through what you went through.

Quoting Blythe.:" Did he actually share that it happened to everyone else though? I was thinking she just said the rest of us cause he did the same thing to all of them"

Perhaps I read it wrong, it sounded like he talked about more than just himself.

I can understand how you would feel so exposed and vulnerable, but maybe look at it in a different light. Now your grandfather won't be able to hurt anyone any more.

I'm sorry you went through all that, and I hope you find peace one day.

Your family sounds eerily similar to mine, my paternal grandfather did the same things, and has never been arrested. My aunts and uncles did come out about it after the death of my grandmother though and he now has no access to children, but also doesn't speak to anyone, and is a lonely, isolated man. Relatives of mine are always talking about writing a book chronicling their experience, but would never share anyone else's experience without their consent. What your uncle did was probably a step in the right direction for him, but he should have given you some warning that he was making that step so you could be emotionally prepared. Anything you're feeling isn't wrong, but you need to really look at your anger at your uncle and decide what you need to do with it to begin healing. Are you in therapy? If not, now would be a good time to start, since your secret has already been forcibly outed

Quoting Blythe.:" Did he actually share that it happened to everyone else though? I was thinking she just said the rest of us cause he did the same thing to all of them"

He did share that he wasn't the only one. He didn't name names. But he recounted specific instances and said "my sister" or "my brother", etc.
Also, just to be clear. I am aware that I have no right to be angry with him. First of all, I haven't seen him since I was a kid. He cut all ties to 90% of his family years ago, which I don't blame him for either.
I just keep thinking, irrationally probably, that 'what if someone i know finds this and reads this and realizes'. I still have a lot of shame.

Quoting Destiel:" I'm confused .... why is him talking about how he was abused a betrayal to you?"

When there is something like this that involves more than just one person that has been "kept in the shadows" for decades and then someone just comes out and says "Hey this is what happened and X-family member did it to me for years". It feels like a betrayal because people know whom he is, and people she knows also know that is her uncle, and he is talking about the grandfather; so then this ripple effect happens especally if he mentioned that it happened to more than just him.

It's kinda like keeping a Rape to yourself for years and then all the sudden the rapist goes on camera for whatever reason says "I raped so and so, and all these others at theses places" (basically naming them off), you feel betrayed because you never wanted anyone to know about it.

Quoting BG Secrets:" He did share that he wasn't the only one. He didn't name names. But he recounted specific instances ... [snip!] ... irrationally probably, that 'what if someone i know finds this and reads this and realizes'. I still have a lot of shame."

Don't feel any shame! It wasn't your fault. I also was abused. But I feel fine talking about it and telling anyone about it. It wasn't something that I had control over. The abuser is the one that should be ashamed.

Talking about it more does help. Even confronting the smurf that did it and telling them what a sick smurfer they are helped a lot too

You're having such a strong reaction because he brought it all to light. You had it hidden away in your mind, and by sharing his story its in the foreground. Maybe he just needed to talk about, its helping him out some how.

<blockquote><b>Quoting BG Secrets:</b>" He did share that he wasn't the only one. He didn't name names. But he recounted specific instances ... [snip!] ... irrationally probably, that 'what if someone i know finds this and reads this and realizes'. I still have a lot of shame."</blockquote>




I can't believe how similar our families are..... If you want to PM me ever, from your account, feel free. I have really been there. At my grandmothers funeral my uncles and aunts and father stood up and spoke of what their father (my grandfather) had put them through. All of my cousins were in the church, but only my sister and I were asked to sit by my grandfather. And the relative that asked us to sit there knew what was about to happen. I was molested by him too and it was one of the most painful moments of my life, I felt completely out of control and felt like I was helpless again... People can become very selfish when they're trying to heal themselves, and they sometimes can hurt others in the process. I don't think I will ever forgive my relative that put me in that situation but it did open me up to what had happened to me and how much it was still affecting me