re: exposed and out of control. trigger warning.

Quoting BG Secrets:" He did share that he wasn't the only one. He didn't name names. But he recounted specific instances ... [snip!] ... irrationally probably, that 'what if someone i know finds this and reads this and realizes'. I still have a lot of shame."

As others have said, find a professional to talk to about this. There is no shame in your secret but this is not easy to internalize. It's his shame (your grandfather), not yours.

Quoting BG Secrets:" I’m going to apologize in advance. This is probably going to be long, jumbled, and there will probably ... [snip!] ... it all pushed out of my mind for almost a decade. And now I feel like I’m right back there. I’m feeling very hopeless. Help."

As a victim of abuse I know what you mean. I am sorry you are feeling this way. You can PM me anytime you want if you need someone to talk to.