I wasn't married to BD, but we were together for 4 long miserable years. I pretty much knew it was over when I couldn't even bring myself to kiss him, I lost all attraction for him, I couldn't force myself to keep pretending I was happy. So I ended it.
I was with my ex husband for 8 yrs (married for 6 yrs). At one time I really did love him, but years of being belittled, yelled at daily, and one fight that turned physical, I had to take the kid's and move in with my parents. We stayed separated for a month, and in that time, he started going to counciling. I believed him when he said he was getting his anger issues under control. We moved back in together and spent all last summer doing marriage therapy, individual therapies, and tried to rekindle our marriage. But by August, I was drained. I never could reconnect with him. The years of being treated like smurf took it's toll, and he really never did get his anger under control.
So after exhausting all efforts I felt was necessary to try and save our marriage, I filed for divorce at the end of August. Best decision I could have made.