I cannot believe I am even posting this

Please I beg of you, do not judge me.

I had a long talk with a new friend tonight. We took a drive and had heart to heart. She just came back from rehab and made me realize. I need to change. I need to stop lying and being manipulative. I'm going with her to NA this saturday morning. I'm nervous and apprehensive, but I know it's for the best. Maybe this is the start of a better life for me and my son. I think I'm also going to start taking my meds again, which I stopped taking and replacing with drugs.

Good for you, taking a step to improve your life!
Good luck!

Quoting Charlie's Lovely Mommy:" Please I beg of you, do not judge me. I had a long talk with a new friend tonight. We took a drive ... [snip!] ... life for me and my son. I think I'm also going to start taking my meds again, which I stopped taking and replacing with drugs. "

good for you mama.

if you aren't religious... look into a program called S.M.A.R.T. it's more science based instead of relying on a higher being.

Good for you! Getting clean is hard, it's even harder to stop being manipulative/lying. But you can do it! And I would never judge someone who is trying to better themselves.

Kudos to you.
I believe you just reached the first step, admitting you have a problem, which is usually the hardest part. Just stick with it, good luck hun <3

Good for you!  

Good!!

You're taking a step in the right direction. No one should judge you for that. Good luck <3

Good for you!! It will be tough, but you can do it! I would hope people won't judge you for trying to do the right thing by you and your son.

The first step is admitting that you are powerless.
You are definitely walking in the right direction. I was NA for a while, got really into it and all that. I miss it sometimes, honestly.

What you're feeling is completely normal. This is a huge step towards change, and change is one of the most frightening things to an addict. Go in with an open mind.

If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm always around and willing to listen.

Thank you everyone for your support!! I started crying talking to my friend. She lost her baby to her parents because of herion and I just never want to lose my baby. He is everything in the world to me. I never put him in harm with my habit, but I know he could have a better life if I stopped. The goals:

Stop cutting
Stop using percs
Stop using adderall.

This isn't an everyday thing but the fact that it's killing me to say I will never do them again is making me want to run out and get some. Or cut. I just need to smurfing stop lying to myself.

Good job wanting and getting help. I'm very proud of you.

You know what the absolute worst part is? I feel like I never fully connect with anyone anymore. I just see what I can get from them. I think I've been falling apart for a long time and numbing it with drugs. The uppers when I want to feel social, and the downers when I'm depressed so I can feel serine. I know I'm gonna smoke a bowl before I go to this meeting, but going at all makes me feel a little better about myself. I can't lie and say that I won't look for uppers this weekend, but at least I'm admitting it's smurffy and that I need help. I wish I could confide in family so I could go to a rehab clinic like my friend, but I know my mom will attempt to take custody.

I'm Mandy and I have 8 months 24 days clean from heroin. My rock bottom was when my mom who already has custody of my 3 yr old(handed it over after he turned one) told me that I would never see him again(I live with my parents). The worst part is retraining your brain. And also don't be your worst critic. I am so mean to myself because of the shame and guilt. I also have bipolar, PTSD and borderline personality disorder. Try working on mental health along with the drug addiction.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Charlie's Lovely Mommy:</b>" You know what the absolute worst part is? I feel like I never fully connect with anyone anymore. I just ... [snip!] ... wish I could confide in family so I could go to a rehab clinic like my friend, but I know my mom will attempt to take custody. "</blockquote>




I was addicted to pills (OxyContin) before I moved on to harder opiates, and I just remembering realizing I never laughed... Like it was impossible. I could register that things were funny, but I never had an actual reaction. That's a plus to getting clean... You get ALL your emotions back, the good ones and the bad ones

Quoting Moody Momma:" I'm Mandy and I have 8 months 24 days clean from heroin. My rock bottom was when my mom who already has ... [snip!] ... I also have bipolar, PTSD and borderline personality disorder. Try working on mental health along with the drug addiction. "

congrats on the almost 9 months sober. My Uncle was on heroin for over 20 years and just could never completely give it up. He went on Methadone and also went to a Dr and got a script for Xanax. Took too much Mathadone and Xanax on April 25th, 2007 and passed away. Heroin is the devil and you should be extremely proud of yourself for the great job you are doing in fighting it.
I also agree with your statement about working on mental health. Most people do use drugs to cover up something else that is going on. My Uncle was molested by his basketball coach in school. Started smoking pot, moved to vicodin and percs and finally to heroin to cover up his pain and shame.
I don't know you, but I am proud of you. Keep it up, Mama!